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Posts Tagged ‘working mom guilt’

Trusting HER Instincts: What Moms Will and Won’t Do For Their Kids

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

By Guest Blogger Holly Pavliscsak

As a working mother, negotiating the school scene is a tricky proposition. There is the mom at every school, yah, you know HER, she’s the mom that’s always there like it’s her full time job to be there. Every year, I watch HER kids get the “prime” teacher.   You know the teacher I’m talking about… the nice teacher, the engaged teacher, the one that the kids and parents just all love.  That “prime” teacher also gets the “prime” students of course!  This teacher’s classroom seems to have few discipline problems and everyone generally gets along, kids learn, test scores soar and all is right with the world!

My stay-at-home mom friends diligently go up to the school and volunteer regularly.  The school administrators know them and they are well liked by the teachers.  They are in every sense involved and that is great for them.  For their commitment and free work, they are often rewarded by getting the “prime” teacher in the grade level for their children’s teacher.

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Posted in Kids, Motherhood | 17 Comments »

Mommy Guilt

Friday, October 1st, 2010

By Guest Blogger Shawna Toth

Guilt: The state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously OR Feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy.

Mommy Guilt: A Mother’s state of mind about doing anything that does not directly and immediately benefit their children.

Recently, a Mom friend of mine confided in me that when she had her first child, she did not feel any guilt at all…UNTIL one day another Mom asked her if she ever feels guilty about doing things for herself. “I do now,” she replied. Another Mom friend of mine told me that she felt guilty laying her baby down for a nap, because then she would be finally getting a break. I am sure she used that time to slovenly wash dishes or fold laundry or, god forbid, shower. No wonder she felt guilty. Seriously, even if what she did was go directly to her bed and lay there still and silent until her child awoke, should she not be able to do so guilt free? Don’t we, as Moms, deserve a break?

These conversations got me thinking about the Mommy Guilt that we all seem to accept as inevitable. Do I feel Mommy Guilt? You bet I do! There are, of course, the big ones I have mulled over. When our twin sons were 4 months old, I went back to work. At the time I did not feel guilty, because I was pretty sure they were better off in the caring hands of professionals, but a year or two later, guilt set in that I still grapple with occasionally, even though I know I made the best choice for our family at the time.

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Posted in Kids, Motherhood | 11 Comments »

Mommy Wars

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

By Guest Blogger Shannon Henrici

mommy wars

I was reading another woman’s blog the other day and I was struck by the negative comments that flooded her blog site. I couldn’t believe all the passed judgments, and the harsh words. But then, I began to think of all of the times I have quietly passed judgment on other moms. I was a little ashamed of myself and thought, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

I thought of the old childhood saying, “When you point your finger at someone, three are pointing back at you.” I know that I am not perfect. I have to remember that other moms are not perfect. We are all just learning as we go. How many times have you heard judgmental words from another mother, “Can you believe she put him in daycare 6 weeks after she gave birth?”  Or  “My child would never act like THAT!”  Besides, by which standards are we comparing other people?  Our standards?  Society’s standards?  Which child is perfect?  Which mother is perfect?

And there are so many topics that divide women today; working vs. staying at home, to vaccinate vs. to not, breastfeeding vs. formula, and list goes on. I find more than ever, instead of coming together to support one another, we are seeing quite a bit of these “Mommy Wars.”

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Posted in Friendship, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Stress | 14 Comments »

A Working Mom’s Guilt

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

By Guest Blogger Kami Lewis Levin

I’m really trying to take a more Zen approach to life.  I’d like to be able to let things roll.  I’d like to be able to kick back and relax.  I’d like to enjoy a stress-free, yell-free household.  Those specific behaviors, however, appear to go against the essence of my being.  It turns out, I’m pretty type-A.  With a pinch of OCD.  And a tendency to get worked up.  Like crazy worked up.  Generally about really dumb stuff.

stressed out mom

But THIS is not about your run of the mill dumb stuff.  THIS is important.  THIS could alter the empirical nature of my existence on this planet.  And although it is very much all about me, THIS might well influence other young moms out there to follow along in my footsteps.  Or not.  Much depends on your point of view.

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Posted in Career, Kids, Money, Motherhood | 21 Comments »

Reflections of a Weekend

Monday, April 12th, 2010

This weekend was action packed. Truly, there was no breathing room. Besides a nice family dinner Friday night, the rest of the weekend was spent studying and running. We awoke Saturday morning to a major hockey tournament for my big son. Hello, what else is new?! But the truth is, 12 of the top players from his team of 50 kids were chosen to compete in the Jeux De Montreal, which is a tournament of different cities competing at the Pre-Novice hockey level. My son was one of the 12 chosen, so to say he was proud, was an understatement!   While trying to study my speech for Sunday during the game, in between bouts of screaming “Go!!!” I felt crazed trying juggle it all. They kicked butt Saturday morning, 12-2.

hockey mom

On the break, we took the boys for lunch and enjoyed his victory. Then, 1:30pm, we were back at the arena for the afternoon competition!  They kicked butt yet again. But this time they played a team where many of my son’s friends play. I couldn’t help but chuckle, as I saw my son’s UNcompetitive nature come out (much like mine) when he was caught chatting more on the ice with the opposition, than focusing on going “hard on the puck” as my husband likes to scream from the stands. He’s so me! You can’t fight genetics. I would also be socializing with my friends on the ice instead of focusing on winning. Anyhow, despite the playdate on the ice, they crushed the opposition again, this time 15-0.  And while I never made it to the end of the game (I had booked a hair appointment for Sunday), I heard about it all afternoon.

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Posted in Career, Kids, Motherhood | 7 Comments »

“Having It All” and Missing So Much

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Do you ever feel like you are adding to your to-do list faster than you’re crossing things off and then end up with very little time to yourself? Ever feel like your career actually fulfills you, but that you’re still missing out on so much? Or better, are you frustrated with your job, and still feel somewhat absent in your kids’ life?

Welcome working moms. Welcome guilty moms. Welcome multi-tasking moms. Welcome frazzled moms. Today’s Blog post is for you.

working mom

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Posted in Career, Kids, Marriage, Money, Motherhood, Stress | 15 Comments »

Finding My Way In An Economic Downturn

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

By Guest Blogger, Tamara Arbeiter

I was recently laid off from my job.

The Record of Employment I just received in the mail stated “Economic reasons” for my departure.  As company policy goes, I was asked to leave immediately.  Comforted only by the fact that a handful of very senior executives were also laid off that day, I packed up my desk, grabbed my kids’ photos and artwork and left, without time for goodbyes.

layoff

To someone like me, who has worked for the past 14 years, through 2 pregnancies and back again, this was a big one to swallow.

My career began in Toronto in the mid 1990s.  I left Montreal shortly after the last recession hit, and so many young Anglophones exiled for more promising futures elsewhere.  I desperately wanted to work in Advertising after finding my niche in a post-graduate certificate at my University.  At first I worked as an unpaid intern, then landed a job at a big firm and worked my way up to Senior Account Executive.  When the dot-com industry started to take off, there was suddenly a shortage of talent in the Agency world in the US, so I transferred to my agency’s global headquarters in New York City.  I was promoted to Account Supervisor within 18 months.  My career was moving swiftly and I had just gotten married. Life in NYC was incredible and full of promise.

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Posted in Career, Kids, Motherhood, Stress | 14 Comments »