Do you ever feel like you are adding to your to-do list faster than you’re crossing things off and then end up with very little time to yourself? Ever feel like your career actually fulfills you, but that you’re still missing out on so much? Or better, are you frustrated with your job, and still feel somewhat absent in your kids’ life?
Welcome working moms. Welcome guilty moms. Welcome multi-tasking moms. Welcome frazzled moms. Today’s Blog post is for you.
I first want to apologize for not having added more meat to this week’s blog posts. As you know, I started writing the book this week, and I’ve been trying to catch my breath, and figure out how to juggle the book writing, the blog writing, and the website upgrade all at the same time. I’ve really had very little time for anything or anyone this week, it’s been all about the work. But I look at it as a short term sacrifice, and then things should settle down a little. So I’m full speed ahead for now, with severe cramps in my fingers from typing so quickly, because the thoughts come to me at such a rapid rate, I want to get them all in the book. It’s been interesting. I haven’t worked this hard in a long long time, to be honest.
All this writing has kept me quite isolated, quite tired and a little more away from the kids than I’m used to. All this to say, I’m feeling the guilt. Oh the guilt. What a crappy feeling. I’m having major flashbacks of the time when my stress level was at a feverish pitch, right before I sold my business, and my son would look at me and say, “I miss you mommy. How come you’re leaving again?” So, I would like to give a “HOLLA” (yes, that’s the sort of thing Jay Z and 50 Cent shout out at the Grammy’s), to my wonderful MOTHER. She has been my saving grace for the past two weeks when things started to get very hairy. She has been there to help out with the kids, and to nurture me emotionally. When the kids are with her, or my mother in law, I never feel guilty. I can work with a clear head. I’m lucky to have these ladies in my life.
Of course women CAN’T have it all! You tell me one person who has absolutely everything! Perfectionism is an illusion of the mind. Today’s Blog post is about the women who try and have it all, and then go into therapy when they realize that it’s virtually impossible.
Over the past few decades, women have made incredible strides. We make up half the US workforce, and are holding some of the highest level positions in the country. However, if I show you studies of female executives who seem to have it all.. marriage, kids, great career, money, 87% of them are considering making a life altering change. Eight seven percent! Studies show that these women are craving more balance, more home time, and are leaving corporate America in numbers to either stay home, or start their own businesses.
So, let’s first take a look at what it means to have it all. To me, Oprah represented having it all. A dream job, power, success, friends in many places. But then I got married, got barfed and shat upon (is that a word??), and realized, Oprah’s missing a major component. She never married or had kids amidst all her success. She probably has very little “me” time, little privacy, maybe even suffers from feelings of isolation at the top, amongst others. Okay, this is one example. I would still like to reiterate, however, that Oprah remains my hero and my number 1 (Ellen, you’re number 2!)
By Man On The Fence
He’s back again! Giving us ladies a man’s view on how to connect to the opposite sex. What do you think?
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One of the reasons I have chosen to blog, particularly on Women On The Fence’s Blog, is because I often feel there is a total disconnect with women. I am not referring to myself here, as I feel sufficiently equipped with the fortitude and depth to relate well enough. In fact, I feel so convinced of my capacity to understand the other sex; I agree with women much of the time! I connect.
For many women throughout their lives, their male influences rarely present them an opportunity to understand the depth and complexity of male issues. I think there is a falsely pre-determined notion in society that leads women to believe certain myths; that men are the providers, that men are less involved in family life, men do the cheating, men are strong and insensitive, and men do not truly connect with their spouses. I am living proof that there is a side to men that most women have chosen to ignore or simply do not make the effort to understand. We connect, you just have to know how.
By Guest Blogger, Tamara Arbeiter
I was recently laid off from my job.
The Record of Employment I just received in the mail stated “Economic reasons” for my departure. As company policy goes, I was asked to leave immediately. Comforted only by the fact that a handful of very senior executives were also laid off that day, I packed up my desk, grabbed my kids’ photos and artwork and left, without time for goodbyes.
To someone like me, who has worked for the past 14 years, through 2 pregnancies and back again, this was a big one to swallow.
My career began in Toronto in the mid 1990s. I left Montreal shortly after the last recession hit, and so many young Anglophones exiled for more promising futures elsewhere. I desperately wanted to work in Advertising after finding my niche in a post-graduate certificate at my University. At first I worked as an unpaid intern, then landed a job at a big firm and worked my way up to Senior Account Executive. When the dot-com industry started to take off, there was suddenly a shortage of talent in the Agency world in the US, so I transferred to my agency’s global headquarters in New York City. I was promoted to Account Supervisor within 18 months. My career was moving swiftly and I had just gotten married. Life in NYC was incredible and full of promise.
For those of you who are not big tennis fans, you don’t have to be to appreciate this story. Kim Clijsters, formerly the number one ranked tennis player in the world, had retired. For two years she left professional tennis, the game she loved, the vehicle of her income, to get married and have her daughter, Jada. How many of us can relate to that joyful feeling of maternity leave, only to reemerge back into the work force, dazed and confused. You come back like a rusty nail, worrying how your new child is fairing in daycare, or at home while you’re off trying to prove yourself to the world again.
“I didn’t understand fully how tricky retirement would be. Every athlete will tell you, when they stop at a young age it is tough to find the kind of fulfilment you want. Some need to come out of retirement to find it, people get bored, they want to play at the level they once enjoyed – but that wasn’t me. I was never in it for the money, or the limelight. I played to win.” Pete Sampras.
Pete Sampras was 31 when he retired, with 14 Grand Slam titles to his name and nothing left to prove. Kim Clijsters is 25 and proving her comeback after her two-year retirement.
Okay ladies. 2nd blog! I’m officially a blogger!
The idea for this blog was born on the golf course. (I can’t figure out why after playing golf for so many years left handed, I would go and screw things up and become right handed… but that’s a whole other disastrous topic). Anyhow, back to rushing. So, we’re teeing off on the second hole, and my girlfriend tells me “I feel like my entire life is spent rushing.” As she’s saying this, I realize how I am rushing her through her swing so we can just finish the bloody game… kinda like I always do. I think I do this a lot actually. Rush people off the phone. Rush my son to finish his “poo” so we can get to the park. Rush in and out of the fruit store before I get a ticket. Rush my husband through sex…. just kidding… ok well not entirely kidding!
My entire life feels like one big fast forward button on a VCR.
So when you stop to actually think about why we do this, I think we have almost all been programmed to move this way. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Quoted from one of my favorite movies, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. But it’s true. Life in the fast lane. Car racing. Ski racing. Speed skating. We live in a very fast paced society…and I don’t even reside in New York City! I am beginning to think this is all a very shitty thing. In fact, I think my rushing in making me age a little. If I can just return 3 more emails, change a quick diaper, and run to the pharmacy quickly, I can pack it all in! Yah great. And give myself a heart attack in the process.
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