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Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

Staying Together for the Kids

Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

I hope you had a great weekend. It was a long weekend in Canada, Victoria Day Weekend to be precise, and it was wonderful to rest, relax and regroup. My kids went back to school this morning after a 6-day break (hallelujah), I went back to the gym, and life returned to normal.

I was chatting with some moms last week about quite a heavy topic, and it took me back to something that happened a couple of years ago. I remember it clearly – at the time, I was grabbing a salad for the road and on the way to my son’s school to serve hot lunch to 650 students. Never one to skip a meal, I was waiting for my salad, when I bumped into an old friend’s sister. I actually found out on Facebook that this old high school friend had recently separated from her husband. Unfortunately, they also had two young children. I proceeded to ask the sister, “How is your sister doing?” To which she replied, “My sister seems much happier and he seems much happier too, so I guess good for them, but I’m not so sure about the kids. I have a different point of view than her. Who’s happy? Who is living in marital bliss? Sometimes you have to suck it up, and stay for the sake of the kids.”

In fact, we hear things like this quite often: couples divorcing after 25 and 30 years of marriage. When you ask many of them why, often they’re quick to answer, “I couldn’t break up my family. I stayed for the kids.”

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An Earth Day Perspective: The Making of An Unlikely Environmentalist

Monday, April 22nd, 2013

By Guest Blogger Dr. Sarah Warren

Earth Day is a day designed to inspire awareness and appreciation for the Earth’s environment. (Wikipedia)

earth day

Happy Earth Day Everyone! When I came across Women On The Fence Blog, I instantly became a loyal reader. I too, like most of you women, come here for a daily dose of hope and inspiration. So, when I reached out to Erica about possibly becoming a guest Blogger and then told her of my background, she excitedly asked me to write a special Blog post for Earth Day. As an environmentalist and big protector of the earth we live in, my goal is not to convert you to a full blown earthy in just one post. Rather, it’s to provide you with some facts, and get you MOVING in the right direction, perhaps as a more mindful and respectful person of our earth. So if today, you decide to unplug your coffee machine after you’re done brewing that cup, or recycle your cereal box, because something clicked in your brain, then I have done my job.

Ok, here is a story. My story. It’s of the making of a highly unlikely environmentalist.

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On Settling

Monday, February 4th, 2013

By Guest Blogger Elizabeth Denham

I never thought divorce would happen to me. I had a friend who was going through one at the same time that I was. Her favorite thing to say was, “I didn’t get married to get divorced.” Really? ‘Cause I did! Planned it from the start! After countless times of hearing this precious little phrase, I wanted to knock this girl to kingdom come.

So there I was, 33 years old, three kids, and divorced. My three boys were ages were 3, 5 and 7 by the time the Big D was done. I didn’t consider dating for about a year. Then came boredom. Now believe me, with three boys ages 7 and younger, there is little time for true boredom. But there is this sense of boredom with being alone, or maybe it is just the evolution into readiness to date.

How do you even begin to date? I had begun accumulating divorced friends. It is a real phenomenon. Once you are divorced, single/divorced friends magically appear. It was either that, or people started dropping like flies into divorce. I had a few friends and we tried going out. There were men who would ask for my phone number. If they “seemed normal” and I gave it out, most of the time there was never a call. There were the young men. At 33 and beyond, I began to feel like one of the oldest people in the bar. If a guy younger than 30 hit on me, I wanted to know what bet he was trying to win. It was not flattering or funny.

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Great Marriage Advice From WHO? Yup, From The Divorced

Friday, August 10th, 2012

As I get ready to celebrate my 12th wedding anniversary and 17th year with my husband on Monday August 13th, I reflect back upon why we’ve worked so well. In a way, we have done all the wrong things – we have gone to bed angry before (contrary to what is suggested couples do), we have used hurtful words in heated moments, and have rehashed issues long after they were dead.

Sounds like a recipe for UNsuccess. But that could not be further from the truth. What has kept us happily together for almost 20 years, (and I am only 37, WOW), is a deep mutual love, commitment, friendship (and okay, great sex). When I’m not contemplating murder (yup, it happens), I can honestly say I adore the man I wake up next to every morning. He knows me like no one in this world. He comforts me in my darkest hour. He’s my #1 go-to person in this world. And he keeps our family unit together.

I recently read an article in the New York Times, and it stated that if you want marriage advice, don’t ask someone who’s been together 20 years like us– ask a divorced person. Divorced people often have big regrets, and when asked what went wrong, they all speak of similar mistakes. Mistakes which they say they will avoid the next time around.

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Tips for Co-Parenting after Divorce

Wednesday, April 4th, 2012

Let me start by saying, I am one of the world’s biggest supporters and advocates for marriage. There is thankfully no divorce on either side of our family. This blog post is by no means meant to encourage divorce. I believe divorce should be a very last resort.  Divorce is, however, the statistic for one out of every two marriages, and so today I wanted to offer tips to those people affected. My greatest hope is that if you are currently struggling in your own marriage or relationship, this will be your wake-up call to get off the fence and get help, before it is too late.

Erica

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The Perks of Dating (And Flirting) At Forty

Friday, October 7th, 2011

By Guest Blogger Amy Larson

It feels like just yesterday I was wearing big hair, jelly shoes and bracelets, rolled sleeves on my jacket, and running around with boys that turned up their collars and wore football jerseys in town on the weekends. How did I wind up sitting at a Mexican restaurant next to a mature gentleman with touches of silver around his temples, on my first date in NINETEEN years? It was beyond bizarre.

No dreaming of a white dress and a huge wedding; I’ve already done that and so has he. Neither are wondering what a child would look like if we had one together; our child-bearing eras are over. He’s not sweaty and nervous when he kisses me or asks me on a date; anyone single and older than forty generally knows what they’re doing. Not only has he asked hundreds of women out in his lifetime, he’s also popped the question a time or two. While I had once dated boys, dating an actual ‘older’ man, one with a deep voice and the ability to grow a full beard is both thrilling and strange. This guy has a job, a mortgage, ex-wives, grown children and even a grandchild. What am I doing?

As a dating-happy teen, I could just grab my (Guess) bag and run out the door. At age forty and divorced, it’s getting home from work exhausted and bewildered at the mess early-morning dashers left behind, then rides to sports practices and slapping dinner on the table before I can even think about that night’s wardrobe or what I’m going to do with my hair.

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The State of Marriage and Divorce

Friday, May 20th, 2011

By Our Anonymous Man On The Fence

In wake of the recent Arnold and Maria saga, now would be a good time to talk about marriage and divorce.  I was speaking to my mother last week, who explained that back in the day, she was actually the first of her peer group to get divorced. As was not considered the norm then, theirs was a nasty divorce. Five years of fighting, senseless amounts of money given to lawyers, and an ever lasting blemish in the memories of my childhood as well as my siblings. As for my grandparents, it was sacrilegious to get divorced and they very much frowned upon it.

Most often, the modern excuse today for staying in an unhappy marriage is “for the sake of the kids. “ I am living proof, that that logic is absolutely absurd. I can attest to this fact from my parents’ divorce and of course my own. You ought to stay married because you continue to love and care for one another, albeit in an ever evolving and growing way.

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