The media icon for the woman living in the 1950′s was a domesticated housewife and mother who cooked, laundered, cleaned and sewed all the while looking fashionable with a big, happy grin on her face. Fast forward to today. The media icon today in an entirely different woman. What do you see in the latest Glamour and Vogues magazines? You see a tall, confident woman, designer clothes, wearing her role as a career woman, mother, wife and domestic goddess, with that “I can have it all” look to her. So what’s the difference between then and now? While both may be illusions of perfection, the real career woman and mom today is mostly exhausted, completely overwhelmed with the second shift at home, and struggling with guilt and stress.

I did something I was very proud of this week. I had my Media Pass as usual for the incredible C2Mtl Conference. If you’re not familiar with this awesome event that comes to Montreal every year, just check out this week’s speaker lineup. Why I love this conference, is because I always leave with an incredible interview for you women. Last year, it was Arianna Huffington. This year, I had my eye on Richard Branson (second time’s a charm), makeup legend Bobbi Brown, and fashion goddess Diane Von Furstenberg.

Interviewing Richard Branson

So, I was all ready to rock and roll this week. Except… the conference came and left, and I never went. Not to one speaker, not for five minutes. The conference I had been waiting for for months, just passed me by this week. I missed out on incredible content for you, and incredible learning for me.

But it was the choice that I made, and one that I’m proud of.

You see, in life, I believe as women, we MUST know our limits. My mother, a wise therapist taught me this many years ago. We must know our limits at any given moment– it’s our secret to thriving as women. Know what you need, and give it yourself whenever possible. What did I WANT to do? I wanted everything! I wanted to spread myself thin… do my weekly Global segment, write, coach a client, go to C2Mtl (day and night so as to not miss the speakers I wanted to hear), fly in and out of Montreal for a 60 minute meeting yesterday, make it home for a school event. What did I ACTUALLY do? I made the decision to completely cut out C2Mtl – something I had been looking forward to for months. And while it felt shitty (if I am to be honest) to read those live tweets like “Erica why aren’t you here? You’d love this conference, it’s so you!”, I felt less stressed and as if a burden had been lifted by saying no. I didn’t know how I was going to fit everything in, and so I didn’t.

I may have missed C2Mtl, but I didn’t miss the below– my son’s kindergarten French play, and my other son’s 4th grade book trailer. Life is about making choices, and we hold the power to choose. Sometimes we miss out on amazing opportunities with the choices we make, but in my opinion, it’s simply about priorities. And I’m just not prepared to put my family second. Who knows, maybe that’s the real secret to being a rockstar businesswoman– putting your career first. But I’m not ready to blow my family for my career. There are no do-overs as moms. Some days you’re ahead, some days you’re behind, but at the end of the day, all we can do is our best. Motherhood doesn’t come with a Dora the Explorer navigation map.

Grade 4 Book Trailer

Out little kindergarten lion

Big brother supporting little brother at his play

Family

So, I’m happy with my choice. Am I sad I missed C2Mtl? Hell yeah, but there’s more to life than work. There is. And I’m not on the fence about that.

I’d love to know– have you ever given up an opportunity you really wanted, or said no to something great, or felt like you were missing out by being a mother? How do you know what choice to make in these cases? I think of the women who have given up thriving careers to be selfless stay at home moms – it’s just hard to do it all. Something’s gotta give, no? Would love your thoughts…

TGIF, lovies!

Insomnia is a very real public epidemic. If you have trouble sleeping, ladies, you are not alone. An estimated 3.3 million Canadians aged 15 or older, or about one in every seven, have problems going to sleep or staying asleep, and thus are considered to have insomnia, according to a study in Health Reports. To further that, a link correlated between obesity and insomnia has been found. (Stats Canada)

Sleep disorders and chronic sleep loss can put you at risk for: Heart disease, Heart attack, Heart failure, Irregular heartbeat, High blood pressure, Stroke, Diabetes, Depression, Aging Skin, Increased Weight Gain, Decreased Sex Drive, Forgetfulness and many more. (Via WebMD)

So on my weekly parenting segment on Global TV this morning, I wanted to address a very real problem for many, especially moms who who often work a “double duty” and experience sleep interruption. Here are some tips to beat Momsomnia.

Direct link to video: http://globalnews.ca/video/581907/erica-diamond-beat-momsomnia

I was upset that I forgot to mention lavender essential oil as a relaxation aid for better sleep. I put lavender oil under my nose every night before bed– lavender is a proven relaxant.

There are so many more sleep tips that are difficult to pack into 5 minutes. Do you struggle with insomnia? What are your best sleep tips? Do you take any sleep medication, or natural aids like melatonin? Please share your sleep strategies with our community!

I hope you had a great weekend. It was a long weekend in Canada, Victoria Day Weekend to be precise, and it was wonderful to rest, relax and regroup. My kids went back to school this morning after a 6-day break (hallelujah), I went back to the gym, and life returned to normal.

I was chatting with some moms last week about quite a heavy topic, and it took me back to something that happened a couple of years ago. I remember it clearly – at the time, I was grabbing a salad for the road and on the way to my son’s school to serve hot lunch to 650 students. Never one to skip a meal, I was waiting for my salad, when I bumped into an old friend’s sister. I actually found out on Facebook that this old high school friend had recently separated from her husband. Unfortunately, they also had two young children. I proceeded to ask the sister, “How is your sister doing?” To which she replied, “My sister seems much happier and he seems much happier too, so I guess good for them, but I’m not so sure about the kids. I have a different point of view than her. Who’s happy? Who is living in marital bliss? Sometimes you have to suck it up, and stay for the sake of the kids.”

In fact, we hear things like this quite often: couples divorcing after 25 and 30 years of marriage. When you ask many of them why, often they’re quick to answer, “I couldn’t break up my family. I stayed for the kids.”

Is this right? Is this wrong? Is it fair for two miserable people to stay together for the kids’ sake?  Depending on the different people you ask, you’ll get a variety answers.

After meeting my friend’s sister in the cafe that day, I started to speak candidly with a few divorcees, and I learned a lot. One separated woman told me, ”Trust me, it was worse for my children to live in such chaos and fighting. The kids are thriving now that my husband and I are finally separated. We both have made a conscious effort to create a calm environment in our respective homes, and the kids see that we are finally happy. Albeit happy without each other, but happy nevertheless. And we make the kids our number 1 priority. We come together for the sake of the kids. It’s not easy, but we try our best. We will always be connected through our children, so even though I harbor tremendous resentment toward my ex-husband, I make it work.”

Interesting.

I also spoke to another recently divorced father at the time, and he painted a very different picture. “My children feel displaced. They are doing horribly. They are shuffled around. We do our best to get along for the kids’ sake, but my ex-wife can barely take care of our children now. She’s too busy living her own life. I receive numerous disturbing phone calls from my kids asking me to pick them up from their mother’s house, as she is not properly caring for them. They feel confused, and they are suffering in school. I should have stayed longer and sucked up my unhappiness. I almost wish we could have quietly lived separate lives, but at least I would still be there, and could see them daily. I made a horrible mistake by breaking up my family.”

Wow, that is painfully sad.

I have to tell you, I see both point of views. Now, I’m NOT talking about staying in an abusive marriage, or staying with a serial cheating spouse. I am talking about staying in a loveless and/or toxic marriage.

For myself, I  believe in marriage.  I take the vow that I made almost 13 years ago very seriously. Call me old fashioned, but personally speaking, if I were unhappily married,  I think I would stay for the sake of my kids. I couldn’t go down without a fight. Therapy, whatever it would take to keep us together. I’m just being honest. And for the record, my husband feels the EXACT same way as I do. Aren’t we just perfect for each other?? He always jokes, that even if we hated each other, he would never leave. He says he’d sooner live miserably together. His reasoning; he couldn’t go a day without seeing our boys.

But then I also see the flip side. When we marry and decide to have children, we envision a family staying together forever. But what if the marriage starts to crumble?  I’m not so sure it’s better for everyone to live in a highly anxious and tense environment either. Someone once said to me about this topic, “Would you really want to set the example for your children that your own happiness is not worth anything? That your needs don’t mean or count for anything?” Also, an interesting point. This is a complex issue, one that I truly feel needs to be examined on a case-by-case basis.

So the burning question is:

“Your relationship is falling apart, or maybe it died long ago. But your children depend on you both for love and security. Should you split up or stay together for their sake?”

I decided that for today, I am not going to give any tips or suggestions. Instead, I think this is a VERY subjective issue, and would like you my readers, to weigh in on this heavy ‘on the fence’ topic. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. What would you do if you had children and were living in an unhappy marriage… stay or leave?

FYI, you are always able to comment anonymously, without an email address or name. I’d like to know your point of view.

By Guest Blogger Kathryn Weber

When it comes to slipping between the sheets, the last thing you’re probably thinking about is feng shui in your bedroom. Yet it’s the feng shui of your bedroom that could just make the difference between a so-so romantic experience and an overarching deity of oohs and aaahs.

Bedroom parity can solve the bedroom rarity of solid and satisfying sex for both partners. Yes it can. How can that be? Well, think about your bedroom as a symbol of your relationship. Is it broken down in the middle like the mattress and filled with laptops and tablets, similar to the way your work intrudes in on your love life?

Maybe you have a stack of books a foot tall next to the bed. What does that say about what the bedroom is for? To get your love life into a new gear, take a good look around. If your bedroom says mommy and daddy, exercise, work, reading, shopping or any other word besides rest and romance, there’s a problem.

Feng shui is all about balance. When there’s a balance, there’s growth. The balance in a bedroom needs to be yin and yang, male and female, rest and romance, sleep and sex. Take Marcia and Ken as an example. Their’s was a female-dominant relationship that surrounded the bedroom with shopping bags from every department store around, and if the bedroom could speak, its first word would be SHOP.

For Ken, a simmering resentment was just below his bland, beaten-down demeanor. He was a deferring type of male, for whom the bedroom was the place he was lucky enough to be allowed entry to. His night stand was comically small and did not have a lamp, but he did have the alarm clock – just a subtle reminder that it was his job to get up every day to support Marcia’s habits and add to the shopping bags that lined each wall of their bedroom – and that he almost had to fall out of bed to turn off in the morning.

Marcia had a large bedside nightstand and lamp and when looking at the bedroom, it almost looked like a mother-child type of set-up, with Marcia in the mother role and Ken playing the part of the dutiful child. It was clear there was no balance in this room, and consequently, in their relationship. It tilted all toward an underwhelming amount of sex and an overload of control issues.

When I came to see them, I could tell there hadn’t been any heavy breathing in that room in a good long while – and I said so. Ken’s head snapped around, but I knew he was thinking that he was going to hear about how he had to give up something else in the room, and “God only knows how much this mumbo jumbo is costing,” but when I said I could see there was no sex in this bedroom and that it was all out of balance, you could see the shift in both of them:. Marcia was stunned and suddenly saw the issue with her shopping, and Ken saw that he wasn’t crazy to think that a bedroom should be more than a repository for all that shopping.

That afternoon, we rearranged their bedroom. Out went Ken’s vegetable crate night table; in came two matching lamps. The alarm clock went over to Marcia’s side of the bed where she’d learn some responsibility for getting up and – and letting Ken off the hook. All the shopping bags were taken downstairs, counted (there were 31 of them), and receipts attached to them so the items could all be returned and bring down the mounting Visa bill.

New sheets were added to the bed and it was repositioned so that it was in the command position, which is on the wall opposite the door. With her shopping savings, Marcia order a new mattress to replace the sagging one that had been in use for over 16 years, the mirror was removed from the dresser, as were the pictures of the kids. Up went a smiling photo of Ken and Marcia from a vacation years ago when they actually HAD sex.

Fast forward four months later and Ken and Marcia were a new couple – happier and in love again. Their marriage is in balance and it’s their sex life now that’s out of control. But, it’s a good out of control.

If you feel like you could use a little overhaul, here are some tips to help your love life with feng shui:

Your Room Should Be A Symbol of “Love at First Sight”

Make sure your bedroom says love when you see it. No, not a heart-shaped bed like the hotels in the Poconos, but a room that’s clean, attractive and not filled with books, computers and exercise equipment.

Remove Romance Killers

For most couples this is the kids. If you’ve got kids, you need a private space away from them. Take out pictures, toys and all kid-related items. Your room should be adults only.

Make it Beautiful

Investing in a good mattress and nice furnishings creates a bedroom suite that speaks to your relationship. Avoid flowers or overly-feminine or masculine designs. Opt for gender-neutral colors and decor.

Go for Parity

Matchy matchy might not be what designers like, but feng shui does. Both sides of the bed should have matching night stands and lamps for balance and for equality.

Remove Mirrors

Mirrors double the number of people in the room – and when it comes to a couple’s bedroom, only two people need to be there. Furthermore, mirrors often cause insomnia, something Ken struggled with – and when there’s rest, there’s romance. Just think about how often you have sex when you’re on vacation.

Creating a better relationship – and a better love life — begins with creating harmony and balance in the relationship and in the shared marital bedroom. Feng shui offers insights into the subtleties of energies and bedroom symbolism, demonstrating how to create a bedroom that both represents and supports a united and loving couple.

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 About Kathryn Weber…

Kathryn Weber is the publisher of the Red Lotus Letter feng shui e-zine for wealth, and writes Living Space, a nationally syndicated newspaper column on decorating for Tribune Media Services. A lifelong Texan, she approaches the home with her true-to-Texas style — no fussy froo-froo attitude. She developed the Red Lotus feng shui jewelry line for Home Shopping Network where almost all her styles quickly became customer favorites.

Read more about decorating your bedroom for better sleep, for romance, how to use feng shui in the bedroom, and more décor and organization tips for the home and office in Kathryn Weber’s new eBook, Living Space: Simple Steps to Transform Your Home, now available on Amazon.com.

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I have to admit, this inspired me to look at my bedroom and see what I can do to “clean it up.” Do you believe in Feng Shui? Have you tried it? Are you inspired to do some clean up as well? I’d love to hear….

Hi Girls. Since many of you have asked me to post my weekly Global TV parenting segments on the blog, I decided I would begin doing so.

Yesterday I discussed 5 (plus a bonus) mobile apps for Moms ranging from spending tracker apps, to cooking, to shopping apps etc… I love these mobile apps and they make my life as a mom, that much easier.

Direct link to video: http://globalnews.ca/video/565322/erica-diamond-top-apps-for-moms

I’d love to know what apps I missed. What are YOUR favorite apps?

I just sat in my kitchen reading Angelina Jolie’s article published today in the New York Times disclosing her recent preventative double mastectomy. Not in a long time have I read such an eloquent, heartfelt and touching article.

If you have not read the piece, here it is.

To the critics who claim she was too radical to remove both her breasts, to the critics who say that she should have kept it quiet, and to the critics who claim an unfairness for having the money to do the surgery (it’s thousands of dollars in the USA): I say you couldn’t be more wrong.

Kudos to Angelina for bringing genetic breast cancer into the spotlight. Kudos to Angelina for making a preventative and brave decision for the sake of her health and her children, and kudos to her for having kept her surgery private throughout and shared only when she was ready.

“For any woman reading this, I hope it helps you to know you have options. I want to encourage every woman, especially if you have a family history of breast or ovarian cancer, to seek out the information and medical experts who can help you through this aspect of your life, and to make your own informed choices.

I choose not to keep my story private because there are many women who do not know that they might be living under the shadow of cancer. It is my hope that they, too, will be able to get gene tested, and that if they have a high risk they, too, will know that they have strong options.

Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.” – Angelina Jolie.

For me, Angelina Jolie demonstrates the epitome of a woman off the fence.

Good morning and Happy Monday! I hope that those that celebrated Mother’s Day yesterday did so with an abundance of love. Mother’s Day is by far, my favorite day of the year. It’s like one giant tribe celebration of like-minded exhausted people and friends. I love it. I was spoiled by my 3 men with tons of love, and some GREAT cards.

For example…

I got roses from my 6 year old. “Eema” roses actually, it means Mom in Hebrew:

I got this card from my 9 year old. So sweet – he used my name in beautiful french adjectives:

And I got this card from my husband. He will no doubt kill me after reading this, but aaaaah, it’s too good not to share.

If you don’t hear from me by Wednesday, assume the worst and call the police.

Alrighty, moving on…

Today I’m spilling the beans. Many of you have asked me over the years about my favorite things. The things I do, the things I love, the things I can’t live without, the things that have kept me healthy and sane (on most days). So, today I wanted to share with you 10 things I simply cannot live without:

1. Music. I play music when I wake up, when I work, when I cook, when I drive, when I…. never mind. You have asked me countless times to share my playlist. So, after an hour of figuring out how to export my playlist and upload it in the correct format, here you are. This is my work, play and everything in between music.

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO DOWNLOAD ERICA’S PLAYLIST

2. My Keurig. I simply LOVE coffee, and for all those trying to cut it out of their diets, you may as well SHOOT me if I do. I don’t have many vices, and my limit is two cups a day: one cup while I’m feeding the kids breakfast, and the other cup after the gym, or while I’m writing, also in the morning. My favorite flavor K-Cup is Green Mountain‘s Nantucket Blend. I can’t always find it in the grocery store, but when I do, I stock up. My ultimate favorite coffee is Douwe Egberts (which is very difficult to find and which I have discovered out only tastes good if you actually OWN the Douwe Ebgerts $5,000 percolator from England), followed by Illy.

3. Meditation. Don’t laugh girls, it’s my drug of choice. I used to quietly sit and meditate using breath-work only, but since the Oprah and Deepak Chopra 21 Day Meditation challenge, I now enjoy guided meditation. I recently bought this on iTunes. Get it, lie down, breathe, close your eyes, and meditate. It will change your life. It has changed mine – read more about how I found meditation.

My recent purchase on iTunes

4. As many hours of sleep before midnight as possible. Countless studies show the health benefits of sleeping as any hours as possible before midnight, but I have been living this way my entire life. If I am home, my bedtime is 9:30pm. Yes, I end up tivo-ing most of my favorite shows. But this has been my secret weapon. If you wish to feel more energized during the day, program your body to go to bed 10 minutes earlier each night until a pattern develops.

5. The Period Tracker App. Oh my goodness, ladies, this one is a must! I won’t give you all the intricacies of the app, but whether you’re trying to get pregnant (mazel tov by the way), or trying to avoid getting pregnant (like me), this is every girlfriend’s best friend! I learned about this app on a girl’s night. A must.

Oops, now you know when I’m due.

6. Early Date Nights. During the weekdays, I rarely speak to my husband for more than five minutes. Dinnertime is about connecting as a family. And you already know my bedtime is 9:30 (this doesn’t make for a happy hubby), so one of the ways my marriage thrives is via date night. Whether my parents take the kids and we stay in, or if we go out for dinner, it’s how we reconnect as partners. But, the key to date night is starting EARLY. What’s the point of date night if you start and end late with no time to spare? The beauty is returning home early, getting into bed together, and still having time to connect – be it watching tv, talking, reading together, or the grand finale– ’nuff said. Early date nights – a must.

7. My nightly bath. Without fail, this happens. Candles, soft music, the works. It’s how I de-stress and unwind 365 days a year. It’s never missed and a huge priority for me. I call it my daily “me time.”

8. Cindy Crawford’s Meaningful Beauty. No, no one is paying me to say this. And don’t laugh at me. I was the loser sitting EVERY SATURDAY MORNING mesmerized by those Cindy Crawford Meaningful Beauty infomercials. The way Dr. Sebagh opened those canteloupe’s from France and claimed to have found the fountain of youth in his serum? I watched for 6 months and then got suckered in one day.  My visa is charged every quarter, but my skin has never felt better. I know there’s a sucker born every day, but I love me some Dr. Sebagh cantaloups!

9. Staying Active. So, it’s true, I had a pretty decent metabolism for 35 years.  I have been active my whole life (I started out as a ballet dancer and then ballet teacher), but since the slowdown of my metabolism, the key to staying healthy and happy for me, has been MODERATION and SWITCHING IT UP. So contrary to most experts who say you need to burn baby burn, and “no pain no gain,” I aways work out moderately at the gym. I never max myself out – maybe I’m lazy, maybe I’m unmotivated, but it feels better on my body when I give it my all, and not my max. Yes, maybe I’ll shed some more pounds (or cellulite) if I max out, but I’ve never had an injury, and I just feel healthier this way. I also never do the same exercises each time – some days strength training, some days yoga, pilates, hip hop, TRX, core, spinning, walking, running. I work out 3-4 days a week (usually only 3), and I keep every day different. That’s how I stay interested, and fit too. I think moderation just works.

10. The Constant Reminder that Thriving in Life is about CHOICES, Compromises and Trade-offs. I coach women around the world and the biggest complaint I hear is, “I’m exhausted and over-stressed.”  As a working mom, believe me I am tired too, but when I feel depleted, I remind myself that life is a choice. Meaning, you are in control of your life EVERY SECOND – you call the shots. If you are on the brink of burnout, figure out where you can cut-back financially in your life and work 4 days instead of 5. Feel like a human pretzel? Answer NO the next time you’re asked to co-chair an event at school. Do you see where I’m going with this? You always have choices – remember that.

So there you have it! There are about 20 more things I can’t live without, but maybe one day I’ll write part 2. I also want to leave you with my favorite quote on this Monday. It’s by a wise man, actor Alan Alda.

“Be brave enough to live creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You cannot get there by bus, only by hard work, risking and by not quite knowing what you are doing. What you will discover will be wonderful: Yourself.” ~Alan Alda

Beautifully said.

I’d LOVE to know, what are some of the things YOU cannot live without? Share your best secrets with our community!