I love Madonna. I have loved Madonna from the moment she burst onto the scene in fishnet stockings, too much hairspray and a bad die job.

If my IPod playlist isn’t enough proof, well frankly, I don’t know what is.

So you can imagine how excited I was to see Madonna perform the halftime show at the Superbowl. In fact, I love Madonna so much, I went to her concert in Montreal a few years ago with my girlfriend AND my barf bag. I puked for nine whole stinkin’ months throughout both my pregnancies, and I would throw up any time, any place. But when I heard Madonna was coming to Montreal, I just couldn’t miss it. Not even if it meant dancing on my feet for 3 hours, 9 months pregnant, 40 pounds heavier, with my barf bag in my purse.

But, let’s return to halftime at the Superbowl. I left my house at 5:30 last night for a “girls” dinner when too much testosterone walked through the door after hockey practice at 5. There were big men and little men. It involved the Superbowl, Dominos Pizza, a lot of chicken wings, and a ton of junk. I decided to put on my “awesome” mom hat, and buy the kids junk galore for a change, since I’m usually the killjoy who puts out tangerines and vegetables. Dads Oatmeal cookies are generally as rough as it gets around here. But anyhoooo, I got gummies, jellies, kettle corn sweet n’ salty popcorn, chips, swedish berries, etc… Let’s just say, my boys were proud. After all, didn’t we learn on the last blog that if you were making a Superbowl party, to keep the foods colorful.

Once I put the goodies out, I left for dinner with my neighbor and her 8 year old daughter. After some delicious Japanese food and a glass of wine, I darted home for halftime. I HAD to see Madonna live. With all the testosterone in the den, and the boys still in sugar-shock, I cranked up the surround sound and waited for Madonna with baited breath. Then, we heard it. Just the music, no Madonna. Strike a Pose.

Alright. Let’s be honest. Madonna didn’t stand a chance. Of course the critics would rip her apart. Yes, she apparently lip synced. Yes, she hardly moved compared to her usual showcase of crazy awesome dance moves (she is rumored to have a bad hamstring injury). Yes, she annoys people with that odd fake British accent. Yes, her new song is a little, well, again I might use the word annoying.  Yes, she emits this overwhelming sense of narcissism. Yes, some say she was overshadowed last night by younger talent or even MIA who flipped the bird. ALL THAT SAID, let’s take her for what she is- her past to present. This 53 year old legend is just that-  a legend. A doer. She is a reinventer. She can make Vogueing still current and relevant today.  She can party with the Party Rockers. She can sing a duet with a young popstar and still rock it. You be 53, move like that, look like that, sing like that, dance like that, be a mom of 4, have a history of decades of success,  still push the bar, still stay relevant, and then come back and criticize.

I have discovered along the way that it is the people who never risk, who are always the first to criticize. Who are the most judgmental. When you’ve walked into a sea of unknown and have risked, you don’t judge. You know just how tough it is.

And those are my two cents on last night’s Superbowl halftime and on life in general.

I’ll be a Madonna fan for life. ’Cuz she’s raw and gritty. ’Cuz she never goes down without a fight. ‘Cuz she has an insurmountable work ethic.

Madonna still remains, the mother of reinvention. And for that, she’s got my respect.

I’d to know your thoughts on last night’s halftime performance.

xoxEDxox

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By Guest Blogger Tosca Reno

One of America’s favorite pastimes is gathering for the Super Bowl, which often involves a spread of unhealthy food options. But you know what? Spending time with your friends and cheering for your favorite team should not have to add to your waistline! Eating clean can be easy, even at parties. You just need the tips and tools, and I’m excited to share them here for Women On The Fence readers!

My method is simple: I trim food decisions into a simple guide to eating right. The concept: 51 Food Laws to take with you to the grocery store. Perfect for Super Bowl Weekend!

Just a few of the Rules highlights:

• Sugar – The legal Cocaine! 
• Eat Like A Baby
• Can’t Read It? Don’t Eat It!

Alright, let’s cut right to the chase.

If you’re hosting or attending a Super Bowl party this weekend, I have some healthy rules you should follow:

Just the Rules for Your Super Bowl Party

Rule #8 – Color Up:  Super Bowl junk is often a sea of fatty beige foods. Colorful foods are filled with more nutrients and flavor than bland, monotonous, processed foods. Opt for a rainbow of colors on your plate, which offers numerous health benefits.

Rule #12 – Smaller Portions, Smaller Pants: A festive atmosphere can often create an eating frenzy, which leaves you feeling blah. It’s okay to enjoy an array of foods, just eat smaller portions. Remember one serving of lean protein is the size of your palm; one serving of complex carbohydrates from whole grain is the size of your cupped hand; and one serving of complex carbs from fruit and vegetables is two hands cupped together.

Rule #13 – Fletcherize and Swallow: Do you ever fill your plate, only for the food to disappear moments later? Gobbling food is a common disorder in our fast-paced society. Remind yourself to sloooooooow down. Eating is not a race. Eating slowly will not only allow you to enjoy your food, but will help you determine when you’re full and help aid in digestion.

Rule #23 – Good Carbs, Bad Carbs: Carbs can be confusing, and are often given a bad rap! Stay away from ‘bad’ grocery store, processed carbs and stick to ‘good’ carbs like fruits, vegetables, legumes and whole grain.

So, here you go– some of my own recipes if you’re hosting or bringing food to a Super Bowl party this weekend:

Enjoy the Eat-Clean Version of your Favorite Super Bowl Foods. (Click on the link to get the full recipe).

BBQ Chicken Pizza – Boring delivery pizza has nothing on the fresh, sweet and spicy Eat-Clean version!

Baba Ghanoush – Ditch the fried accompaniments for this favorite eggplant dip and serve with an array of fresh vegetables (like carrots, celery and peppers), and whole wheat pita slices.

Sweet Potato Oven Fries – You’ll feel like you’re cheating when you take a bite of these delicious, crispy, sweet potato wedges with just the right amount of seasoning.

Eat-Clean Tuna Burger – The Eat-Clean Tuna Burger is juicy, flavorful and provides the fun of eating a burger, without the guilt of unwanted fat.

Vegetarian Chili – Chili is a Super Bowl favorite, and this version packs a hearty and satisfying flavor, but is fully vegetarian.

It’s time to get off the fence and get healthy in 2012! Start this weekend if you haven’t already. Remember, your body will be good to you, if you are good to it.

~Tosca

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 About Tosca Reno…

Since transforming her body, health and life at age 40, New York Times best-selling author Tosca Reno, NTP has become an inspiration to millions through her motivational columns, seminars and her Eat-Clean Diet book series.  The star of her own show called Tosca:  Flexing at 49, which was featured on Oprah’s OWN network, has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS Early Show, The Doctors, Fox & Friends, EXTRA TV and numerous other TV and Radio Shows nationwide.  She has also graced covers and been featured in many magazines.  Today at 52 years old, Tosca is a mother of four and has never looked or felt better. She has dedicated her life to following the Eat-Clean Diet lifestyle and helping others do the same.

Tosca Reno recently launched her 13^th book, Just the Rules, where she trims everyday food decisions into a simple guide to eating right. The concept: 51 Food Laws and 1 Health and Fitness Expert! Tosca Reno lays down the law in this clear-cut guide to achieving a healthy lifestyle – the right way. Whether you’re a busy parent, career woman or finally ready to get motivated and be inspired, Just the Rules is at your disposal anywhere, anytime. This portable read is jam-packed with 51 food laws to take with you to the grocery store, on vacation or even while you’re waiting at the bus stop.

For more information please visit:  www.ToscaReno.com or www.EatCleanDiet.com

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What are your plans for the Super Bowl? Will you be watching? Will you be with the girls or do you have 20 guys coming over to watch with your man? Enjoy the Super Bowl! Who are you rooting for?

xoxEDxox

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If this doesn’t make you stop, pause, and reassess your priorities and journey on this earth, I’m not sure what will.

I’d love your thought

xoxEDxox

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While I realize that not everyone is facing this issue, and while the topic may not have the usual “mass appeal,” it is quietly going on behind closed doors in many homes around the world. Today, I wanted to crush the shame, and help those who might be suffering.

Erica

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By Guest Blogger Paldrom Collins

When I first met the man who is now my husband and he told me that his work was counseling men with sexual addiction, I remember clearly the feeling of wanting to stick my fingers in my ears while loudly shouting “la-la-la-la.” That was quickly followed by the immediate conclusion that this man was not someone I would want to talk with ever again. But life as a jokester led me to want to get to know this man, even with a career that was initially oh-so-embarrassing to hear about. And it didn’t end there. I soon learned that not only did George counsel sex addicts; he was a recovering sex addict himself.

Sexual addiction is a compulsive sexual behavior that dominates an addict’s life, taking priority over work, friends, and even family.

After we were married, I found my skills as a teacher, counselor, and coach were calling me to join my husband in his work. I now support and guide the wives and partners of individuals who are suffering from what I had considered to be such an unmentionable and embarrassing problem. I have discovered that these men and women are ordinary people who just happen to have a problem with how sex and sexuality manifests in their lives.

If you are reading these words, you may be wondering if your partner is a sex addict. You may know that something is wrong with your intimate sexual connection. It’s possible that your partner is looking at a lot of pornography on the Internet and masturbating, or he may have escalated his online activities. He may be frequenting prostitutes, engaging in multiple affairs, or participating in other sexual encounters that are outside of his relationship with you. If he is engaging in sexual behaviors that are destructive to the relationship and he wants to stop but doesn’t seem to be able to, then it is wise for you to suspect sexual compulsivity or addiction.

You cannot make your partner (or anyone else) see what they do not want to recognize or are not ready to face. Successfully dealing with sexual addiction or compulsivity generally requires outside support from someone who understands and works with this issue — or, at the very least, the partner who is sexually compulsive needs to receive support by joining a group that focuses on this problem. The most important point for you to remember is to trust yourself and your intuition. You can be true to yourself and honor your own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions.

“At times, men begin using porn because the sexual connection inside their relationship has temporarily lessened – for example when children arrive on the scene or maybe when their partner has become engrossed in work or in a project. The portrayal of sex as a matter of power and domination is a common theme in much of porn.  This can create a distortion and confusion about sexual impulses and what is actually desirable for women.  Those who have viewed a lot of pornography can start to imagine that women in real life are like the women portrayed in pornography. This is one way that sexual compulsion can damage a relationship. In their practice, porn addiction profoundly affects women in their relationships, triggering stress due to the lack of physical and emotional connection with their husbands.” (George and Paldrom).

If you suspect your partner has an issue with sexual compulsivity, in order for you to attempt to continue your relationship, three factors need to be in place:

1. He needs to realize he has a problem and have the desire and willingness to stop sexually acting out. He needs to find support in stopping the behavior.
2. You need to have the desire and willingness to go through the process of investigation with your partner.
3. You both need to be willing to begin to look into the dynamics within your relationship system that are not working.

If sexual compulsion or addiction is a part of your relationship, it is helpful to keep in mind:

1. You are not responsible for your partner’s sexually addictive behaviors. His choices about how he deals with his irritations and stimulations are his alone, as are yours.
2. Your partner’s sexually addictive actions are not an indication that he does not love you.
3. Your relationship is not hopeless or doomed because your partner has a problem with sexual compulsivity.
4. You are not weak or damaged because you want to stay with your partner and rebuild your relationship.
5. You don’t have to force yourself to trust your partner right now. It is normal to feel angry, upset, and mistrusting.
6. You don’t need to go through this time alone. Reach out to friends, family, and other support systems.

All relationships can be difficult at times. The challenges of relating openly with an intimate partner can be like a master class in human interaction. But when you have two people who have the willingness to work with the painful feelings and emotions that arise in dealing with a difficult passage, there is an opportunity for growth, awareness, freedom and ultimately for deeper love and intimate connection.

This goes for anything in life.

~Paldrom

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About Paldrom Collins…

Formerly a Tibetan Buddhist nun, Paldrom Collins works with her husband, George Collins, counseling individuals and couples across the country by phone and in Walnut Creek, California at Compulsion Solutions, which was founded by George in 1995. They have written the book “A Couple’s Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust & Restore Intimacy,” focusing on what happens to relationships once addiction is exposed and how they can be repaired which, happily, they often are.

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What are your thoughts on this topic? Some researchers claim there is “no such a thing as sex addiction.” Have you encountered this in any of your relationships, and perhaps have some advice you can share with our readers? Were you able to move past the infidelity? Feel free to comment anonymously.

xoxEDxox

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By Guest Blogger Virginia Champoux-Sokoloff

When I was young, no one told me what to expect out of life. They’d just say life is filled with ups and downs, so you gotta learn to roll with the punches. Good advice? Maybe. But what if all you needed to do was invest in what you have, trust your gut, go after what you want, and have fun doing it?

I graduated with a degree in Communications. I then climbed the professional ladder and landed a high pressure, demanding job in Public Relations for the International Air Transport Association. In the midst of it, I met an amazing man and got married.

From the very moment my husband Jay and I decided to share our lives together, we were faced with serious decisions. Jay suffers from cystic fibrosis, so a regular 9-5 job would be difficult since he would likely spend lots of time in the hospital. It then became our priority to shape our life in a certain way, so that we could deal with unexpected hospitalizations.

Building a family was also something we both wanted for ourselves. And being a carrier of the gene myself, this meant that we needed to turn to adoption to prevent our child from living with the disease. We did, twice, and I am so grateful for it.

I’d always been very passionate about traveling, a perk of my PR job. I remember going on business trips, and scurrying around cities looking for those little shops that would sell fun, funky and unique products I could bring back as souvenirs.

One morning it hit me. What if I opened up that little shop I was always looking for when traveling?! I knew there’d be major upsides in terms of making my own schedule – a real concern given my husband’s illness. Having our own business also meant that either Jay or I could be home with the children at all times, a choice that proved to be very important as our young daughters adapted to a new world.

The result was Mortimer Snodgrass, then a 500 sq ft gift store.

As with any new business, the process of starting up was a challenge. People would tell me we were crazy, especially with little to no knowledge of how to run a retail store. The business grew and we had to learn to rely on our staff more and more when Jay’s life challenges threw us curveballs.

Through it all, optimism, our passion and our complementary skillsets fueled us. And by surrounding ourselves with an excellent manager and good staff, we have been able to keep our family as the priority.

Now, ten years later, I can certainly say this was amongst the best decisions of my life!

Mortimer Snodgrass

In the process as a mompreneur, I have learned a few lessons about life and business. Here is what I know:

1) Bring YOU into your biz

Our store is really an extension of us. We always say that everything we sell is something we would either buy for ourselves, or for our friends. Your identity influences the business you create. Embrace this!

2) Trust your instincts

Ten years in, we have never done research, and have rarely sought and paid for professional opinions. Every business decision we have made, from renting space to choosing products has been pure instinct. We trust our gut and it has worked almost every time.

3) Love it or leave it

You’ve heard this before, but the fact is, whatever you take on won’t be successful unless you absolutely love what you do. We play to our strengths and split the work accordingly. This allows us to go to work and LOVE what we do. It’s essential!

4) The people make the environment

Dealing with rude suppliers, impolite staff and angry types negatively affects you and your business. The beauty is you get to choose whom you conduct business with. If you work well with someone, it’s worth nurturing those relationships. In the long run, everyone will be better off.

5) Treating staff right pays dividends

We’ve all had horrible bosses. Don’t be one. We’ve found that the more we open up to our staff, the more likely they are to go above and beyond for us. They embrace the spirit of our store, stick around longer and put more energy in their work.

So say thanks. When you catch staff doing something right, praise them!

6) Failing is fine (and inevitable)

Mistakes are one of the best forms of education out there. Don’t beat yourself up when they occur. We’ve ordered the wrong products, rented the wrong spaces, but I cannot imagine where we’d be if we had not committed these errors, and learned from them.

7) You cannot please everyone

Regardless of what you do, how good your service is, the effort you put into something, sometimes the result is still a disgruntled customer. Don’t waste time worrying about this. You cannot please everyone. Trying to means you’ll end up pleasing no one.

Entrepreneurship’s schedule is a blessing and a curse

Starting a new business? All the power to you! Just understand the schedule is both amazing (i.e. – you make it) and awful (i.e. – the buck stops with you and only you can handle certain situations that can arise). It does not come with an “off” switch. So, while we’ve been able to eat dinner together as a family frequently, there have been times where we have had to drop everything and deal with the business.

9) Hard decisions are hard, but need to be made quickly

We’ve all had to fire someone, or drop a long-term supplier whose products aren’t selling anymore. Letting these types of matter percolate too long does nothing to solve the problem. Get on with the tough stuff.

10) There are no rules.

Ten years later we still have no business plan. We get up everyday, we work hard, we have fun, and we laugh with our staff, and with our customers. Sometimes, we cry a little too. But we love it, that is all that matters!

Because after all, what is life without loving what you do, and who you’re doing it with?

~Virginia

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 About Virginia Champoux-Sokoloff…

Virginia and Jay Sokoloff

Virginia Champoux-Sokoloff is the co-owner (with her husband Jay Sokoloff) of Mortimer Snodgrass, a funky and unique gift store in Montreal, Canada that celebrated it’s 10th anniversary in October 2011. Now located in a central mega-store in Old Montreal and online, Mortimer Snodgrass continues to provide fun, funky and unique gifts to tourists, lifelong Montrealers, visiting celebrities (Halle Berry is a fan of the store) and customers as far away as Chile. Though Mortimer, the now 11-year-old dog that inspired the shop’s name, has retired from the daily grind of greeting customers, Virginia’s two young daughters love helping out around the shop.

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Tell us, if you’re a mompreneur, what have you learned along the way about life and business? Share your tips here…

xoxEDxox

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Thank you for sending this to me, mom. Some really hit home.

I’d love to know which one resonated for you most.

Happy Hump Day.

xoxEDxox

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I almost feel like this would be the name of a great blog. Yes, a blog about the musings of a beer drinking, ass-kicking hockey team– you know, HangoversAndHockey.com. But sadly, no. You’re still at WomenOnTheFence.com. It’s still the same me– the same go-getting, inspirational diva, just wrecked after a weekend of over-drinking and over-arena attending. But hey, what would life be like if you ONLY walked a straight line, right?

Friday night marked the beginning of a big intercity hockey tournament weekend for my 8 year old son. It was again, another weekend that our family would NOT be skiing, and would not see the light of day. We’re talking 2-3 games per day if the team advances through the rankings. See right there, I’m already starting the weekend a little p-‘d off. The ongoing argument every weekend goes something like this:

Me- WE MUST SKI.

My husband – BOYS MUST PLAY HOCKEY.

It’s a battle I see that will be following us for many years to come.

But the team won Friday night. They won Saturday morning. And that meant, they were advancing through the ranks to play Saturday night. Saturday night we had our good friends’ 90^th birthday party. Yes, he turned 50, she turned 40, and they celebrated together. Love that. I understood that my husband had to take my son to the game (which was 40 minutes away), and that he would come late to the party.

But what happened while I was there with my girlfriends alone? We were simply congregating around the oyster bar in the back, and before we knew it, someone was pouring oyster shots. Yes, how disgustingly gross does that sound? If you read this blog, you know, I love my one glass of Cabernet. If I’m feeling wild, I’ll go for another half a glass. But somehow, some waiter or husband saw seven yummy mummies standing around chatting , and decided we needed straight vodka shots with a little slimy oyster at the bottom of the glass. I cringed, but figured I’d try. At this point, I’d already had a glass of wine in me.

Three shots later, I was feeling goooood. Like, really good. Understand, I NEVER drink vodka. I never drink anything beyond wine. So, on an empty stomach, this 5’8”,  117 pounds body was doing…. well…. you know… not very well.

My husband arrived, and we had a great time. I didn’t drink anything else the rest of the night. I started to come back into my body around 10pm, and was like, “Gee, I’m fine.”

I woke up Sunday morning, and was like, “Gee, I’m still fine. Fantastic!” My hubby left early with my son for his hockey game. The team had won their Saturday night game too, and were advancing to the semi-finals on Sunday. But then, driving to the game with my little one, I started to sweat. Sweat like you’ve never seen. And I started to get nauseous. REALLY nauseous. Desperate, I ate the banana bread in my purse that was there for MY SON. I admit, not my finest moment.

I walked into the dressing room with my sunglasses on my husband took one look at me and said “What the hell is up with you? There are kids here.” Well, I was officially hungover.  For first time since college. And it wasn’t pretty. One of the dad’s looked at me and so nicely offered some great advice, “Go get a hot dog and fries. The grease will absorb the alcohol.” Oy, I was officially busted.

I then walked into the arena to watch the game. My parents, father in law and hubby followed, and we watched the team lose 2-0. They were crushed. They were out of the tournament. My son had also been given a penalty in the first period, and the other team had scored while he was in the penalty box. He was in the dressing room trying to hold it together, but the tears they were a’ comin’. I sat next to him, but he didn’t speak. He just covered his eyes with his jersey. I sat quietly next to him, not saying a word. I just rubbed his back.

So, why a blog about hockey and hangovers you might ask?

Because, there were lessons to be learned after a weekend spent nauseated at an arena. In the process I realized a few things:

• This hockey thing that has taken over our family, will serve my boys well later on in life. Activity will keep them healthy, fit, and God willing, off the streets and off drugs. And that goes for gymnastics, basketball, or whatever sport your kid is doing all the time.
• I learned that trying new things is good. Trying bad new things in moderation is good too, because it will be a while before I put a slimy oyster vodka drink near my mouth again. I realized– what is life if you don’t experiment and walk on the edge every now and then? Being bad can be fun. But being bad doesn’t MAKE you bad.
• I learned that losing is character building. It’s all fun and games when you’re winning. But the true test is how to carry on when you’re defeated. While defeat is disappointing, it builds character and sets you up to succeed the next time. That’s if you learn the lesson. I let my son cry – he was allowed to own that. He was allowed to mourn the loss. I let him. And then, carry on. Move forward.
• I learned that motherhood is the ultimate act of selflessness. What a mother won’t do for her child. She’ll go without to make sure her children don’t have to. She’ll hide her pain in the face of her cublings to show strength. She’ll walk to the ends of the earth for her babies. She’ll run here, there and everywhere, as Dr Seuss said it best. And demand nothing in return. Motherhood is a tribe. A group. If you’re in it, you get it. And while there’s no rulebook, making it tough to navigate at times, to be a part of it, is to be blessed.

So, you see. This weekend wasn’t such a bust after all. Alcohol and losing proved to be quite insightful.

I’d love to know what insights you’ve learned lately. Do you think the day you become a mother is the day you have to stop having fun? Aren’t moms allowed to have fun too? Does it make us unfit? I’d love your take.

Happy Monday lovely ladies!

xoxEDxox

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