This Friday marks the closing of another chapter– kindergarten graduation and 4th grade completion. What a wonderful school year it’s been. The boys have grown, thrived, overcome challenges, and are what I can call “mensches” in the true sense of the word. All that to say, I don’t know about you, but I am DONE with this school year. I am over homework, making lunches, packing backpacks and being the full-time CCO (Chief Cheerleading Officer). It takes a shitload of EVERYTHING to raise happy kids.

In fact, the moms I have been speaking to this week are feeling it too — “burnt toast” is what one called herself, kinda just like moi! The end is in sight, and I’m ready.

You know it’s the end of the school year when…

• You haven’t signed the homework book in 3 weeks. Really. In fact, come to think of it, your kid hasn’t done ANY homework in 3 weeks! Gee, I wonder if if he’s even HAD homework.
  
• Your kids are still outside playing basketball in the driveway at 8:30 at night (when kindergarten bedtime was 7:30), cuz really, who has the energy to fight anymore in June?
• Your son’s desk area looks like it’s been hit by a cyclone, and instead of cleaning it, you just laugh.
• You’re making school lunches at night and whoops, you forgot to buy the vegetables! Oh well, they’ll just deal without vegetable the next day. You aren’t running out at 8 ‘oclock at night anymore to buy carrots. No, not June 15th.
• You’re about to be late for carpool pickup because you’ve had to hit the “panic” button on your car key 7 times because you can’t remember where you parked.
• You’re not sleeping at night ‘cuz your baby is leaving home for the first time this summer and you’re excited for him, but you’re nervous too.
• The school uniform now looks too small, but you figure, ahhh, only a few more weeks left. Really, it’s not about getting to school looking prim and proper anymore, it’s just about GETTING to school at this point.
• Your son starts micromanaging YOU.
• Your husband tells you he’s gonna find a mistress if you say you’re too tired for sex one more time. Heck aren’t all moms feeling tired now?
• When you hear the sound of your own voice, you don’t recognize the person talking, you’re THAT wacko.

Soooo, I think it’s fair to say I am welcoming the end of school with open arms.

Would love to know if you are too.

Love and hugs,

Sunday is Father’s Day. A very special day for Dads everywhere. I have had the great fortune of growing up with a father that girls dream of. His initals are G.E.M., and that is just what he is. I now live with another gem of a father – my husband. I am blessed to have these two dads in my life.

So today I wanted to pay tribute to them. If you’re a new reader, this will be new. If you’re an old reader, this will be a re-run… kinda like a tv show.

It’s age before beauty, so let’s start with Dad #1. Dad, this one’s for you, and for my thousands of women readers around the world. Here are 22 life lessons I have learned from my dad. They are for everyone. Maybe you’ll pick up a tip or two!

1. You must be a person of your word. This is synonymous with integrity. Your word must be honorable. And you must do what you say you are going to do.
2. I learned that a handshake is as strong as any signed contract in business. My father’s handshake is his word. I have tried to make mine the same.
3. He is the reason I know how to close a business deal and although I sold my business seven years ago, that skill still feels very palpable today.
4. He is the one who taught me, “The Art of the Schmooze.” Not because he’s phony. No way. Because he genuinely has an interest in every race, culture, ethnicity and religion in this world. He is a lover of all people, and he is a sponge. As am I.
5. He is the reason I love Billy Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Earth Wind and Fire, Kool & The Gang, Stevie Wonder, Basia (bet you never heard of her), Anita Baker, Frank Sinatra, Quincy Jones, Michael Jackson, Tony Bennett, Barbara Streisand, and more. Sense a theme here? We’re both still stuck in the 70′s (or earlier), but it’s our comfort zone! He has given me my great appreciation and ear for music.
6. He is also the one responsible for giving me my appreciation of great food and great wine. I die for both.
7. He taught me to always cut the cloth according to the measure. If you don’t know what that means, Google it.
8. He taught me to always face the music, no matter how dark it may sound.
9. He taught me not to spend next week’s paycheck.
10. He taught me to love what you have, and have what you love.
11. He taught me that family comes first.
12. He taught me about kindness and loyalty.
13. He taught me to always plan ahead. I am like a girl scout today… I always plan ahead. And not only do we both plan ahead, we anticipate the other person’s response, and are therefore constantly in problem solving mode.
14. He taught me that you can never have enough underwear or shampoo. A person must stock up on both. Ok, maybe that one isn’t one you can truly learn from, but, I have tons of both.
15. He taught me that growing up lacking many resources makes you stronger in the end and is not a bad thing. Fortunately, I didn’t learn that one first hand, but I may as well have. It’s been ingrained in me since birth. I have an immense value for a dollar. I eat every morsel of food on my plate… Every. Single. Morsel. I conserve. I don’t waste. I’m most comfortable in sweats, no makeup and being unfancy. And I know that bad things happen for a reason, and we must never ignore the message.
16. I learned that a great massage and a great workout are one of life’s great treats.
17. He taught me how to be confident and humble, all in the same breath.
18. He taught me how to give of my time, always give back and volunteer.
19. He taught me how to venture outside my backyard and learn about other cultures, and ways of life.
20. He taught me it’s ok to try bad things, just don’t make a habit out of it. Like when I tried smoking at eight years old and he then bought me a pack of Craven A’s as a joke. Cool guy.
21. He taught me to never try to keep up with Joneses as most of them are just smoke and mirrors. He taught me to live under the radar.
22. He taught me how to always see my glass as half full, and how to SMILE.

Dad, you are my confidante, my mentor, my inspiration. I hope you realize what you mean to me. Thank you for everything.

My wedding day. Look at how my dad is looking at me.

To the other father in my life, my incredible husband: it has been two years since I surprised you with this video. To watch you interact with our boys on a daily basis, is both a privilege and an honor. Enjoy this Father’s Day treat.

Our favorite song.

To my wonderful father-in-law, as well as ALL the fathers celebrating life, family, and your children this Sunday, I salute you. And to those who will be celebrating without a father this year, I wish you great strength and many blessings.

And finally, if you haven’t yet planned your Father’s Day, perhaps some of these ideas will inspire you. Here was this week’s parenting segment on Global TV.

Happy Father’s Day to all the daddies. How will you be celebrating Father’s Day on Sunday? What lessons did you learn from your father?

I just returned home from a brilliant women’s power luncheon at my Alma Mater, McGill University. It was a round table discussion with rotating mentors sharing advice on career, success and motherhood. Today I sat in as an invited guest, and not as a mentor. I wanted to pass on some simple words of advice that arose during the luncheon, and that truly resonated.

And then one that didn’t.

And then get your feedback.

On women missing out on opportunities that men simply do not

“As women, we often over-think and over-plan, and therefore often wipe out opportunities for ourselves. I’m a believer in Nike’s slogan “Just Do It.” I think we women have to over-think just a little less, and dive right in.”

On making decisions

“With time, as I’ve grown, I’ve learned to follow my instincts more. I make many big decisions in my life on instinct alone.”

On women doing the dirty work. Hint: It’s not such a bad thing

“I think it’s important for women to take on the tough mandates- the ones that others aren’t willing to take on. It’s how we grow.”

On career success

“Why do people always ask what the secret ingredient is to business success? It’s quite simple: You have to be willing to bust your ass. There’s no magic recipe… success takes a ridiculous amount of hard work, commitment and dedication, and over time, you will succeed. Not everyone wants to put in the work.”

I loved these little nuggets, and thought they were wise.

I also found myself sitting at my table, watching the women as they nodded in approval when one of the mentors said the following. While they laughed, I literally teared up and almost cried. It was a big AHA moment for me:

“As I was building my career, I travelled a lot. So much so, that my kids would kick the suitcase every time they saw it come out… which was a lot. But you know what, I didn’t do balance… I put my career first. I did very well in my job and it was something my kids just had to accept. Did they give me a hard time that I was barely around? Of course they did, but what don’t kids give you a hard time about? They didn’t understand it growing up, but they understand it today.”

And while people seemed to agree with this statement. While YOU may agree with this statement, I simply cannot. Careers are a very subjective and personal journey and I don’t want to preach. Believe me, I have had my share of kicked suitcases. But I don’t think you can put your career before you children and not do someone an injustice. Someone gets royally f’d when you do. If you read this blog, you know that I am a HUGE supporter and advocate of working moms, but there is a great cheesy quote that goes something like this: “You can have it all, just not at the same time.” And I believe this.

What do you think?

Happy Monday morning ladies! I hope you had a great weekend. I am recovering from a fun-filled Grand Prix Formula One weekend in Montreal. Our city comes alive every year at this time, and it’s when I throw on a pair of heels (albeit not comfortably), and enjoy the festivities.

Here is a memory from Friday night with my man.

I don’t know about you, but it feels good to welcome the end of another school year. I’m kind of done with homework, making lunches, projects and sharpened pencils. Perhaps some of you have children graduating. If you do, I have the PERFECT graduation gift idea for you. Microsoft just launched a new campaign recently called “Chip-In.” In a nutshell, it’s a cool new crowd-funding program that helps students get a new Windows 8 PC with Office 365 University just in time for back to school.

To explain how it works, think of contributing to a wedding registry. And just like a wedding registry, students with a valid .edu email address can sign up for the PC of their choice at www.WindowsChipin.com. Then, they can crowd-source funds from friends and family to help them purchase a qualified PC of their choosing from MicrosoftStore.com.  Even better, Microsoft will “chip in” 10% of the purchase price and for the first 10,000 students to fully fund their PC, Microsoft will also “chip in” a four-year subscription of Office 365 University at no additional charge!

The program runs through September 1, 2013. For more information check out the Office blog.

In case you’re wondering, some more info:

WHY CHIP IN?:

• According to a recent survey conducted by Lab 42, 94% of students feel that they need a computer before graduation.
• 82% plan to head to college with a new computer.
• A PC is the number one thing students buy with graduation money.

MORE ABOUT OFFICE 365 UNIVERSITY:

• A four-year subscription (US$79.99) includes the latest Office applications on up to 2 devices (PC or Mac), plus an additional 20GB of storage in SkyDrive, and 60 anywhere minutes with Skype.
• You can also access your Office documents anywhere with Web Apps, Office on Demand and the cloud on SkyDrive.

It’s the perfect graduation gift. When I visited the Microsoft campus in Seattle in April, and they unveiled this new program to me, I was blown away. What a perfect gift idea!

And while I’ve got you, I also wanted to show you a link to a blog that was published on Office.com. It highlights recent Pew Research Center survey findings stating that the number of “breadwinner moms” is at an all-time high in the US. I thought you ladies might be interested in this, as it supports the ongoing discussion around how working parents use technology to make their family life easier. It also includes tips on how Microsoft Office can help organize key family information. I haven’t lived a day without Office in almost 20 years! You can read about that here too: http://blogs.office.com/b/office_blog/archive/2013/06/06/how-the-new-office-helps-me-manage-my-mompreneur-life.aspx

So, I’d love to hear your opinion on Chip In. Is this something you’d opt in for for your graduating child? I think that crowdsourcing will be a new trend in gift giving. Would love your thoughts…

Disclosure: I am a proud paid Microsoft Office Brand Ambassador. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

This week’s Global TV parenting segment was one of my favorite topics: Helicopter Parenting. Haven’t heard of it yet? Here’s your definition:

“A helicopter parent is a colloquial, early 21st-century term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her child’s or children’s experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not. In Scandinavia, this phenomenon is known as curling parenthood and describes parents who attempt to sweep all obstacles out of the paths of their children. Parents try to resolve their child’s problems, and try to stop them coming to harm by keeping them out of dangerous situations. (Wikipedia)”

This week I discussed why you should resist the urge to hover, and why you could be doing your child a great disservice by sweeping all problems out of the way and not allowing them come to resolutions on their own. Tune in…

Direct link to segment: Helicopter Parenting

Most of us today are parenting as fast as we can. Bombarded with literature on how to be the best possible mom, in a hurry to exposure our children to a wide array of extra curricular activities to make them “well rounded children,” impose a lot of structure so our kids are polite, achieving and well behaved. I think the issue lies in the micro-managing that so many of us are doing (we’re all guilty to a certain degree), precisely the helicopter parenting and hovering over our children so they can’t mess up or fail.

I want to give you some great insight from a parenting expert and author I admire, Wendy Mogul. Here is a section from her book titled The Blessing of a Skinned Knee.

“Children need an opportunity to learn about the ‘wave pattern’ of emotions. If parents rush to rescue them from distress, children don’t get an opportunity to learn that they can suffer and recover on their own. Having the courage not to pamper and overprotect your child means that sometimes she will be uncomfortable, unhappy, or even in peril, but that you are willing to take a chance because of your commitment to her growth and development.

Free will is the attribute that will define your child’s life.  How he makes decisions and chooses between right and wrong will directly influence everything else. Letting your child exercise free will doesn’t mean being permissive. It means allowing him to choose badly and to learn from the choices he makes.

Children can only learn to make choices when they are given the opportunity to do so. Begin by giving your child a chance to mess up, i.e., allow your child to make a ‘cheap mistake’.

Treating children’s daily distresses as an expected and unalarming part of life is an effective way to discourage them from turning small difficulties into big dramas. Building good character traits is a lifelong process. We can help children become calmer and more resilient by staying calm ourselves.

When horticulturists want to prepare hothouse plants for replanting outdoors, they subject them to stress to strengthen them. Through progressive deprivation of food and water and exposure to extreme temperatures, the plants grow stronger root systems and thicker stems. While parents do not need to deprive their children of life-sustaining essentials, they do need to prepare them for rough conditions by teaching them to tolerate some stresses and extremes.”

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel

Now, depending what your parenting style is, you may consider this quite harsh. Or you may consider this kind of “tough love” necessary to allow your child to thrive in “the real world.” I think perhaps the answer lies somewhere in between.

Over a year ago, I wrote about my son, for the first time, not making the A team in hockey. He was DEVASTATED. Why? Because he got a big dose of humble pie. He has had the biggest cheerleading squad in his corner since he was born– two doting parents, four EXTRA doting grandparents, telling him he was the best. He’s been the superstar in everyone’s eyes. So if he had a bad game, instead of allowing him to own that poor play, he was coddled, and patted on the back, and still told, “Oh you’re still a star.” So what happened when, for the first time in his hockey life, he made the B team? He was shocked. It brings me back to one of my favorite movies, Rocky, when the heavyweight champion of the world, Rocky Balboa, realizes that he has been protected by his trainer Micky all along, by having had Rocky only take on fighters of a lesser caliber.

So, despite this unconditional cheering squad in my son’s corner, my dad and I on the other hand, would be frustrated. How the hell is this kid gonna cope in the real world if all he’s ever told is he’s wonderful? So there I was, always the killjoy, at the end of every setback, reminding him, that no, he’s not the greatest thing since sliced bread, and that for me, all that matters is that he tried his best. So if he made the B team, well yah, it’s a disappointment, it means he wasn’t good enough enough for the A team, but that’s okay, and that we’re still so very proud of him. We can’t be the best at everything we do in life. But what matters is that you give it your all.

So here’s the “on the fence” question for this TGI Friday:

Do you shelter and protect, because these are our babies, and we want them to grow up with confidence and self esteem, in the bosom of those they love, and in turn perhaps risk doing them a disservice, or do you impose a sort of tough love, giving them the necessary tools to prepare them to thrive and cope in the “real world?”

It ain’t so cut and dry. I’d love to know your take on this.

Happy weekend,

I received this from a friend this week via email, and it REALLY spoke to me. I think it’s quite profound. Would love to hear your thoughts below.

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience.
As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question.
Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm.
If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed.
In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued,

“The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens.
Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time practiced.”

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. So as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down.
Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down.

-Author Unknown

How good are you at putting the glass down? I’d love to hear…

So, I have received three requests in the past 2 weeks to speak for free. I often will speak for free if it’s a cause I believe in, if it’s in Montreal, if I’m helping out a friend, yada yada yada.  And I speak for free at different times because I simply love connecting with the women at these conferences and sharing my strategies and tactics. To walk through the audience at the end and hear the issues and help get these women on their feet right then and there, is a wonderful feeling. Yes, I love speaking.

So, back to “Erica, we’d love to have you as our keynote, but we don’t have the budget to pay.”

The old me;  “Of course I’ll do it!” I’m the pleaser. I’m the Yes Girl.

The new me, “No thank you, not right now. While I greatly appreciate you thinking of me, you can understand that this is how I make my living, and if I accepted every free speaking engagement, I would simply never see my children. I am so sorry, I cannot take unpaid work at this moment.”

BOOM. JUST LIKE THAT.

And then I finally breathe after I hang up the phone. And I’m not sure if I feel like shit for saying no, or if I feel proud of myself for saying no. Definitely an ‘on the fence’ thing.

Perhaps you can relate to automatically saying “yes” to someone or something when you really wanted to say “no.” I volunteer where I can. I do it with a smile because this community supported me many years back when I started my first business. And I truly believe in giving back. I come alive by giving back. But, becoming a human pretzel is just not where I’m at anymore. I have come to learn when I’ve reached my threshold, my saturation point. When I start to get short-tempered with my loved ones, that’s my cue to ease off. We all know our breaking points, or at least we think we do. It’s that last thing we agree to take on, that is going to make us collapse like a house of cards.

So, I decided my new motto is, “not right now.” And it’s a skill, I tell you. It doesn’t feel great to say no. Our egos are attached to the yes, and so saying no, and letting go is difficult. It’s definitely a process I’m getting better at.

And when I say, “no thank you, not right now, ” it doesn’t mean I won’t be interested in a couple of weeks, months, or next year. It means for today. And when I keep the door open, I feel good about that. Harriet Goldhor Lerner says “SAYING NO TO SOMEONE ELSE, IS SAYING YES TO YOURSELF.” Just let that soak in. It’s really true. Saying no to someone else, means saying yes to yourself. It means freeing yourself up to do more of the things you love… read a book, go for a walk, take a painting class, take up ballroom dancing. Whatever.

As working women, as single moms, as wives, as friends, we’re asked and pulled every day in a thousand directions.”Do you think you can do my carpool?” or “Do you think you can stay late tonight at the office to get some extra filing done?” and “Do you think you can just drop off my dry cleaning?” I’m not saying we all don’t have responsibilities we are unable to escape in our daily lives. All I’m saying is, if you feel like your plate is full, it ain’t the time to pack more on it. And saying no takes practice. Saying no to friends, no to husbands, no to charities, no to someone asking you for a loan, no to a bothersome person, no to an incredible opportunity because now just may not be the ideal time for you.

So, if you feel you’re becoming the human pretzel, just a word or two below. (Now I would like to reiterate, I am not saying you should be selfish and never help people out. However, it’s just that many of us are running around stressed out because we’re saying yes to everyone).

A few things about saying no…

• We have all been turned down in our lives. No’s are a part of everyday life. Johnny couldn’t come to your son’s birthday party, you were denied a favor, someone didn’t reciprocate your crush, it’s a part of life. So, did you die from it? Of course you survived it! Don’t assume you’re going to inflict serious harm by saying no to someone.
• Learn to accept no from those you love as well. “No’s” are just a reality. Take it all in stride. If you do, you’ll be more easily able to say no to others, which means YES to yourself.
• Stop being a pleaser. Saying no without any guilt is very common, but say it when you need to say it. To your children, to your spouse, to your boyfriend, to your girlfriend, to your boss. What’s your human pretzel threshold? Are you there yet?
• Don’t instinctively say yes. Think it out first. It’s okay to not answer on the spot. How about something like, “can I think about it and get back to you?” If anything, you sound mature, professional, and if it really ends up being no, the “no” will sound like a much more thought-out no. And may I also note, you don’t have to be rude when you say no either. You should say it politely, thank you very much!
• Saying no truly does come with confidence. The more confident you are in your abilities, the easier time you will have to say no to people. It’s a work in progress.
• And finally, if you do say yes, and then you feel resentment, it means you SHOULD HAVE SAID NO!

So, say NO, and let it be guilt free… except in sex… I say “go for it!”

I’d love to know, do you have the disease to please? Are you the yes girl? Have you gotten better at saying no? How do you feel after you say to someone? I’d love to hear your thoughts…