WARNING: Today’s post is disturbing. But it is an important read for everyone. My goal today is to release the shame and stigma of addiction. Many people in this country are suffering. You might be suffering in silence. I urge you to read this. It might encourage you, or someone you love, to seek help.

By Guest Blogger Charity Crenshaw

I’m going to start by saying my name is Charity and I am an alcoholic. A recovering one that is. I have been sober since August 24th, 2010.

For the sake of this blog, I will summarize my story the best way I can. I will not go into too much of my early life and the things that happened, that made me who I am today. I have very few memories of my childhood. I was molested from the age of 3 to 5, though I have blocked out most of the memories. I also have a big blank spot from ages 6 to 10. My mom had many boyfriends, so I think more happened than I am able to recall.

As a teen, I went in and out of abusive relationships. I was raped more than once. I put myself in many bad situations.

At age 13 I took my first drink. I remember how nice it felt to feel confident and not so anxious. It also covered up the inner turmoil I kept inside, that at the time, I didn’t understand. That’s also the age I started cutting myself.  It didn’t take long for me to use alcohol to self-medicate.

The drinking got progressively worse in my late 20′s and it went downhill from there. It became my way of covering up pain and erasing bad memories.

At one point mouthwash was actually my drink of choice and I would drink a big bottle of it daily. I even drank hand sanitizer when there was nothing else. Cisco (a cheap wine with very high alcohol content) then became all I ever drank, and I would go through about 3 or 4 of the big bottles in a day.

I drank 24/7, literally. My bottle was even by my bedside at night. If I woke up in the night, I would take a drink. You didn’t see me without a bottle in my hand very often.

It got increasingly worse in 2007 after my dog  of almost 11 years died. I did try and quit cold-turkey once, but then had a seizure. So I just continued to drink. By then I was drinking a bottle of Schnapps a day. I threw up all day long.

Sometimes my stomach just didn’t want to hold it down, but I forced it, because otherwise the withdrawals were horrible.  The people that were making sure I had my alcohol were really only helping to kill me, but at the time, I thought they truly cared. No one liked to see me go through withdrawals. Then again, no one tried to seek help for me either.

I just happened to have a doctor’s appointment one day, and when I went in, they called an ambulance on the spot, as the routine tests showed my oxygen level was down to 60. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital, where they found a ton of things wrong with me, all due to my drinking. I have polyneuropathy, congestive heart failure, liver damage, kidney problems, and anemia. I had to have a blood transfusion while I was there.

While in the hospital, I went through withdrawal but didn’t notice the horrific symptoms due to all the meds they were giving me. I promised myself I would not pick up a drink again when I got out. I haven’t yet.

Drinking ages you. It also messes with your brain so badly, that even after you stop, your memory is terrible and things you used to be able to do well, you just can’t do anymore. I now have about 13 meds I have to take daily because of my alcoholism.

I am going through many hardships right now, and staying sober through it all is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Drinking was my crutch. One that I no longer have.

Sure, I could drink, but I must think of my kids, and think  back to how awful I was at the end. If I were to drink again, I would not live longer than 6 months max. Always remember that as an addict, every time you quit, then start again, it’s even worse than before.

My goal today is to help others who might be struggling with any addiction, be it an eating disorder, to drug abuse. Here are some tips for anyone currently going through addiction, or anyone recovering:

1.  Alcohol or any drug for that matter is simply a temporary fix to our problems. Our issues don’t go away, we just don’t feel them. Addiction only masks the problem. I drank 24/7 because if for one moment I was sober, those feelings came back. Well, drinking 24/7 will kill you. It almost did me. Do not wait to hit rock bottom like I did. Get help.
2. If you are recovering like me, and it feels like things are getting worse because of anxieties (a common side effect), seek help immediately. I’m in therapy which helps a little, but what helps the most is having a WONDERFUL support system in my blogging community. I had to give up many friends in real life because they triggered me, and they still used. My online friends are my best friends, and when I’m having one of those days where I feel like I want to drink, I go to that site and talk to them. If you have a support system, then call on them when the urge overcomes you. I’m not an AA person due to my social anxiety, (which I am working on), so I have done this without AA, but for those of you able, I would greatly suggest going to AA. I hear it helps tremendously. Do not give into that little voice telling you to take a drink, or drug, or cut yourself, or throw up, or whatever, to make it all go away.
3. Stay away from trigger areas and people. I can not stress this enough. Many things will trigger memories of good times drinking or drugging and that makes it very hard to resist. Stay away from these triggers whenever possible.
4. Boredom is another thing that brings on the urge to drink or abuse drugs. Try to find a hobby if you don’t work. Right now I have started making candles. It makes me feel as though I have accomplished something.
5. If you are still addicted, remember you are not a bad person, and you are certainly not alone. Addiction is powerful. Please seek help to stop before it is too late.

If you are struggling with sobriety like I am, just keep a support system handy. I have a page on Facebook called Recovering & Current Alcoholics/Addicts & the People Who Love Them. Feel free to like the page and share your story, or just go there for support. Every day I try to put up something positive, whether it be a picture or a quote, no matter how negative I may feel. My support system has been my saving grace.

I struggle every day with my sobriety. I also have to face the fact that no matter how long I’m sober, those cravings will sneak up on me, but I have to remain strong. Nineteen months sober on March 24th, 2012. It seems like a lifetime ago since I last drank, but I have a long way to go.

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About Charity Crenshaw…

Charity Crenshaw is a mother, animal lover, and recovering alcoholic. Visit her on her page: http://www.thoughts.com/SnoopsMama/profile or her Facebook page.

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As you can see, Charity’s online community and their support have been the keys to her sobriety. She told me she wants to serve as an inspiration to those suffering with addiction. Social connection has been studied at great lengths, and has been found to be one of the top promoters of resilience. Would you kindly take a moment to leave a word of encouragement for Charity. It will help her more than you know.

Thank you Charity for sharing your story. I know it was not easy for you. 

xoxEDxox

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Whenever March 12th rolls around (my husband’s birthday), I always know it’s time for me to take stock of my life. It’s the time I start sweeping out the cobwebs; literally and figuratively. Winter’s snow melts away, and all the things you have been ignoring in your life, start to present themselves again. Aaah, I forgot about you! Spring is a great time to deal with these things head-on.  And that’s not a bad thing– spring is about rebirth, renewal, regeneration.

Because March 12th, my husband’s birthday, always reminds me of this ‘life spring cleaning,’  I wanted to take a moment to honor him today. Here is a video I made for my hubby last year on Father’s Day. Hilly Diamond, enjoy this. Thank you for always being so close by my side. I love you now and forever.

And now, back to spring. Spring is a chance to clean up your house, literally and figuratively. There’s more to house cleaning than just cleaning out your basement and cedar closet.  You should be approaching your spring cleaning as an emotional cleanse, just as much as a physical cleanse. What dust-balls are lurking in the corner in your life?? Gotta clean up, ladies!

Here are some tips to get you off the fence, and start spring cleaning your life:

• Sweep out the old. We all have garbage in our lives we need to get rid of, from bad habits, to negative personality traits, to toxic relationships.   If you’ve been carrying around all this crap, it’s time to open the door, and sweep it out of your life.
• Wash away procrastination. Do you constantly find yourself behind the 8 ball, trying to catch up, and keep up? Plan ahead. No more putting off tomorrow what you can do today. Look at your calendar and get organized! Procrastination leads to stress, and who wants added stress in their life? Stop waiting until the last minute for everything. I am often guilty of this, but I’m working on it.
• Dust off that attitude! Instead of always moping about what you DON’T have, be grateful for what you DO have! We’re all guilty of sometimes letting our attitudes get the best of us. A positive attitude is a must. Get outside for a walk, or head to the gym. It often refocuses us. Things often don’t look as bad once you’ve regrouped.
• Clean up your finances. Do you have unopened bills sitting on your desk? Are you falling behind in your payments? It’s not too late. Now’s the time to be proactive. Sit down, close the door, and start cleaning up your desk and your finances! Seek financial advice if you’re too overwhelmed to start making a change alone. Make a list of priorities and tackle them one at a time. Living with financial concerns is a reality for most everyone, but there are ways you can improve your finances and get them in check.
• Clean Up Your Marriage. Do you feel the lines of communication have broken down in your relationship? If so, this needs to be attended to pronto. Ask a parent or friend to take your kids, and make a date with your significant other. Reconnect. TALK. Discuss the issues that have been tearing you apart. There is no better time than now to clean up your relationship and work toward a more blissful marriage. Come to think of it, our date night last Saturday night was the first time we were alone in over a month. We were due.
• Start small. If you’re so overwhelmed like most people are when it comes to spring cleaning your house and your life, START SMALL! Make a list of everything that bothers you, and that needs attending to. Both in your house and your life. A great idea is to get rid of one thing per week on your list. As your start to cross those things off your list, you’ll start to feel lighter. Also, on a house cleaning note: THINK BEFORE YOU BUY. Do you really need that extra WHATEVER??

So ladies, spring is almost in the air! The flowers are on their way. Clean up your house. Clean up your life. Make a list, and get started. What are you waiting for?

Tell us, what’s on your spring cleaning ‘to-do’ list? Putting it out there holds you accountable and keeps you on track.

xoxEDxox

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“Every seven seconds in Canada, a child is bullied. This alarming statistic fuels the passion behind the 5th annual anti-bullying campaign Pink Shirt Day – Bullying Stops Here!” (PinkShirtDay.ca)

I am certain most of you have heard of the dramatic increase in teenage suicides over the past few years. A horrific number. In Houston , Texas an eighth-grade 13 year old boy shot himself in the head after enduring what his mother and stepfather say was consistent harassment from four other students at Hamilton Middle School in the Cypress-Fairbanks Independent School District.

In New York a Rutgers University freshman killed himself by jumping off the George Washington Bridge . Tyler Clementi, 18 was humiliated when a roommate secretly recorded him making out with another male student and live-streamed the video to the Internet.

Seth Walsh, a 13-year-old student from Tehachapi , CA hanged himself from a tree in his back yard after years of being bullied, after nine days on life support he died. Family members confirmed that he was being bullied because he was gay.

Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old freshman at Greensburg High School in Indiana , hanged himself after enduring bullying torment from his peers — just a few weeks into the school year. His mother found her son, hanging, in their barn. On Billy’s Facebook web memorial, he’s remembered with comments like, “Everyone made fun of him.” At least one former student says he made administrators aware of his own LGBT (Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) bullying, and they did nothing.

Sadly, bullying is said to be the possible cause in this week’s horrific Ohio Chardon High School shooting, leaving three students dead. According to reports, students told local media that the gunman was student T.J. Lane.  Law enforcement officials described Lane as a “victim of bullying” and an “outcast,” WKYC-TV reported.

1 out of 4 kids are bullied and 30% of U.S. students in grades six through ten are involved in moderate or frequent bullying – as bullies, as victims, or as both – according U.S. national school bullying statistics.

There are about 160,000 children that miss school every day out of fear of being bullied. (amotherworld.com)

If these frightening statistics don’t wake us up as a society, I don’t know what will. And because today is National Anti Bullying Day, there is no better time than now, to shed light on this issue. BULLYING MUST STOP.

Please watch this video from Anderson Cooper on what you can do if you child is being bullied.

I believe, that while we need to make help available everywhere in our schools and communities, and to teach our children tolerance, I think as parents, it’s our responsibility to take it one step further. I believe it starts at home. Open communication must start early, and as parents, we must listen to the good, the bad and the ugly. If our kids just come to us with the good stuff, we have not created a foundation for total communication. We must listen to all their stories, all their hopes, wishes and dreams. That is how you build a solid foundation. If your child knows she can share ANYTHING with you, at any time, you are able to nip problems in the bud as they arise. We have to give our children the message they are good enough, just the way they are, with all their strengths, and all their weaknesses. And to not compare themselves to others, but rather to help them embrace their own uniqueness.

And those are my two cents on why positive self esteem is at the heart of overcoming bullying.

How do you propose we help our children stand up to bullying? I’d love to know how you are dealing with this issue in your home, in your school, and in your community. I am not on the fence here… we must teach our children kindness, acceptance and tolerance, and have a ‘zero tolerance’ policy on bullying.

I did my part last year to raise awareness on Twitter

xoxEDxox

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Today’s post was sponsored by

Disclosure: I am a proud paid Spokesperson for an incredible line of self-esteem dolls, Our Generation Dolls, promoting inspiration, self-esteem, confidence and tolerance in young girls.

Check out this video to learn more:

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If this doesn’t make you stop, pause, and reassess your priorities and journey on this earth, I’m not sure what will.

I’d love your thought

xoxEDxox

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“Christmas is over, you’ve put on weight, it’s cold out, it’s dark out, your credit card bills are in, you’re not going to get another day off until March, and you’re tired.

You might even be depressed.

If so, you are not alone, especially not today. For today, according to one measure, is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year.” (Montreal Gazette)

Yes, that was the headline in today’s Montreal Gazette.

Sounds pretty gloomy. But for many, it truly is. For some, this January funk is a result of cold weather, overspending during the holidays, the state of the economy, a relationship gone sour, or job dissatisfaction. For others, it’s something more serious.

But today, no matter where you’re at, I wanted to give you 10 power tips on beating the winter blues. Ten power tips to get you out of the January funk. Ten suggestions you can do NOW, to give yourself some relief.

1. Make some great delicious homemade soup and feed it to your girlfriends, boyfriends, hubbies and kids. There’s nothing like a great bowl of soup on a cold and gloomy day. I enjoy following recipes from Dave Lieberman of The Food Network. He came to cook for a large group of women at a charity luncheon a few years ago, and I really loved his style- healthy and simple. Here’s a great recipe for one of my favorite soups, Butternut Squash. Here is Lieberman’s version, Butternut Squash Pear. Yum! http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/dave-lieberman/butternut-squash-and-pear-soup-recipe/index.html

2. Diet has a major effect on mood. Studies have also connected depression with low levels of folic acid. So, if you’re not getting it from diet, possibly consider taking a supplement. If you want to supplement the folic acid in your diet, eat at least 2-3 meals of cold-water fish a week, some egg yolks, nuts, almonds, sweet potatoes, dark green leafy vegetables such as spinach and broccoli, and bananas, oranges and peaches.

3. Get some extra natural help. If you’re like me, and hate drugs, you might try the natural route. Vitamin D and B12 supplements are great immune system and mood boosters. You know that you get vitamin D from sunlight, so try and get outside when you can. If not, a supplement in winter months is very helpful. Both hubby and I are on a multivitamin (400IU of D), plus an extra supplement of 500IU Vitamin D to fight colds and flues. And Complex B12 is a great help in elevating mood. These vitamins are cheap and natural. Try ‘em (after speaking to your doctor or pharmacist). You’ve got nothing to lose.

4. Buy a Full Spectrum Lamp. Studies show that people’s mood elevate simply by being in or around full spectrum light. Just by putting your desk near a window, you’re helping yourself during the long dark winter months. And get outside! For a walk, to the park, for a jog, for a stroll with a coffee. I love the rosy cheeks I get from being outdoors. You can’t buy blush that good!

5. Seriously, go see a funny movie! I can’t tell you all the studies that examine the correlation between laughter and health. Laughter is great for many facets of your body. Google it. But, there’s nothing like a great laugh deep in your gut to relax yourself. Make a date with your partner or friend to go see a funny movie today.

6. Pamper yourself. While this can be expensive, and may seem somewhat superficial, it works ladies. Sometimes we simply need to put ourselves back on our own “to-do” lists. Treating yourself to that mani-pedi, or massage, coupled with some soothing tea, and a great magazine is seriously relaxing. I’m not saying it’s a cure to the funky rut, but sometimes, it helps chill us out a little.

7. Reconnect with friends. There is nothing like a great time with your girlfriends to nourish your soul. We get certain things from our girlfriends that our spouses and partners aren’t always able to give us. I always feel rejuvenated after my girls dinners. We laugh, we chat, we vent. It’s like a free therapy session!

9. Ask yourself,  is it a funk or just fatigue? Sometimes we confuse the two.  Sometimes we feel like we are in rut, when really, we are just sleep deprived and exhausted. On the weekends, or whenever you can, it is imperative that you RELAX and allow for downtime, possibly to read, take a bath or simply do nothing.

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By Guest Blogger Judy Belmont

Stress just seems to keep on increasing in modern life. And there is evidence for that! According to a study done by the American Psychological Association, at least one third of Americans report that they are living with extreme stress, and about half of Americans think life keeps on getting more stressful.  Despite modern conveniences and the technological advances we enjoy, stress just keeps on looming larger in our lives. Money and work are cited as the top leading causes of stress, which is not surprising in our uncertain and challenging economy.

So wow do we thrive in the face of our life stresses and not just survive them?

We need to develop the right mindset regarding stress.  Most of our stress does not come from outside of ourselves, but rather it is our interpretation and our take on things that determines our stress.  So if you think that traffic stresses you out, or your co-worker drives you crazy, THINK AGAIN. Traffic or your co-worker only have the power because you give them the power.  It is impossible for them to directly “stress you out” and change the neurons in your head, as it is really your attitude towards them that causes your stress.

With that in mind, most of our stress originates between our ears, and the good news is we have more power to control our stress than we realize!

Sometimes it helps to use analogies to better appreciate life’s dilemmas, and what is a better analogy to our lives than Swiss Cheese, with all its holes? Like the Swiss, our lives have inevitable holes and imperfections, but it is these challenges that enrich our lives and gives us character and depth.

We can develop a handle on our stresses by learning six life lessons that the Swiss can teach us:

1. Swiss Cheese has holes, and so does our lives: Without the holes, there would be no Swiss as we know it, and without the stresses, disappointments and setbacks, our lives would not be uniquely ours.  Interestingly enough, it is a fact that the bigger the holes of the Swiss, the sweeter and more distinctive the cheese. What an analogy to our lives! We develop resiliency by overcoming challenges and obstacles. By moving through life’s holes rather than getting stuck in them, we become stronger.  It might be nice is life was more smooth and predictable like Cream Cheese or American, but life is not like that!

2. The holes in the cheese are called eyes: The fact that the holes of the cheese are called eyes makes for a great analogy to our understanding of stress. It is the holes in our lives that allow us to see more clearly and develop insight. If we did not have the holes in our lives, we would not have the opportunity to develop a deeper understanding of ourselves as we emerge through life’s stresses and obstacles.  Would you really want to be like the cheese with no eyes? I would think not, especially in light of the fact that Swiss Cheese with no eyes (or holes) is called “Blind Swiss“ otherwise known as ”cheese in denial!”

3. We accept the Swiss as it is: We do not judge that the Swiss has too many holes or not enough, and we accept the Swiss just as it is.  Likewise, if we accept life as having inevitable holes, then we will not judge it or wish it away.  We will embrace what happens with the confidence that we can handle what comes our way.

4. There is a positive side to the holes: The holes in the cheese make the cheese lighter, less caloric, and more distinctive.  The holes are not and neither are the stresses in our lives.  Much of our stress is actually positive and we keep on wanting more!  Our body might not know that the stress we are feeling is positive, and we might still get the butterflies, but the positive side of stress cannot be denied.  Just think of getting married, going on vacation, having a baby, playing in or watching the “big game.” Would we want to give up those life stresses?  As Stress pioneer Hans Selye said, “Stress is the spice of life!”

5.  Fondue can never turn back into a block of cheese: Once the Cheese melts into fondue, it can never go back to be in a cheese wheel. What is done is done.  However, so much stress is caused by ruminations and “woulda coulda shouldas” which cannot be changed, causing undue stress on countless people. Give up the habit of looking back with regret. When you focus too much on the past and what can’t be changed, you get stuck in a hole!  There are no do-overs in life, but if you learn lessons from the past you can build on your regrets and have a second chance!

6.  There is no such thing as a perfect slice of cheese: No two slices of cheese are alike, and you too are unique.  Striving for perfection brings on undue negative stress, and brings about low self esteem and is a set up for a personal sense of failure.  Accept yourself as you do the cheese with all its ”holes,” and build on your failures and setbacks instead of being defined by them.  Strive for goodness, not perfection.

Hopefully, with the Swiss Cheese Theory of Life mindset, you will trade the taste of stress for success, and will not only survive but thrive through life’s holes.

So what are you waiting for? Get off the fence, smile and say CHEESE!

-Judy

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BIO:

Judy Belmont, M.S. is a psychotherapist and mental health/wellness speaker who has spoken before thousands of people nationally on topics of self-improvement and mental health. Her recently released self-help book with co-author Lora Shor, MSW is titled, The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life! How To Get Through The Holes In Your Life Without Getting Stuck In Them!

Visit the Swiss Cheese website to download the first two chapters at www.TheSwissCheeseTheoryOfLife.com

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Ladies, how do YOU cope with stress? Please share your tips!

xoxEDxox

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A lesson in humility and getting off the fence in life.

Thank you Emmanuel.

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