I have to thank my good girlfriend Allison who forwarded this to me. It is said to have been written by Maya Angelou. She has denied the claim.

I love sharing good wisdom every few Wednesdays. I think this is powerful.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own even if she never wants
to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her
dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black
lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who
lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone
else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a
recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and when to walk away…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t
take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…

–

I’d love to know what YOU think every woman should have?

xoxEDxox

Other articles you might enjoy:

• Wisdom Wednesday: When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking
• Getting Over Getting Older

By Guest Blogger Virginia Champoux-Sokoloff

When I was young, no one told me what to expect out of life. They’d just say life is filled with ups and downs, so you gotta learn to roll with the punches. Good advice? Maybe. But what if all you needed to do was invest in what you have, trust your gut, go after what you want, and have fun doing it?

I graduated with a degree in Communications. I then climbed the professional ladder and landed a high pressure, demanding job in Public Relations for the International Air Transport Association. In the midst of it, I met an amazing man and got married.

From the very moment my husband Jay and I decided to share our lives together, we were faced with serious decisions. Jay suffers from cystic fibrosis, so a regular 9-5 job would be difficult since he would likely spend lots of time in the hospital. It then became our priority to shape our life in a certain way, so that we could deal with unexpected hospitalizations.

Building a family was also something we both wanted for ourselves. And being a carrier of the gene myself, this meant that we needed to turn to adoption to prevent our child from living with the disease. We did, twice, and I am so grateful for it.

I’d always been very passionate about traveling, a perk of my PR job. I remember going on business trips, and scurrying around cities looking for those little shops that would sell fun, funky and unique products I could bring back as souvenirs.

One morning it hit me. What if I opened up that little shop I was always looking for when traveling?! I knew there’d be major upsides in terms of making my own schedule – a real concern given my husband’s illness. Having our own business also meant that either Jay or I could be home with the children at all times, a choice that proved to be very important as our young daughters adapted to a new world.

The result was Mortimer Snodgrass, then a 500 sq ft gift store.

As with any new business, the process of starting up was a challenge. People would tell me we were crazy, especially with little to no knowledge of how to run a retail store. The business grew and we had to learn to rely on our staff more and more when Jay’s life challenges threw us curveballs.

Through it all, optimism, our passion and our complementary skillsets fueled us. And by surrounding ourselves with an excellent manager and good staff, we have been able to keep our family as the priority.

Now, ten years later, I can certainly say this was amongst the best decisions of my life!

Mortimer Snodgrass

In the process as a mompreneur, I have learned a few lessons about life and business. Here is what I know:

1) Bring YOU into your biz

Our store is really an extension of us. We always say that everything we sell is something we would either buy for ourselves, or for our friends. Your identity influences the business you create. Embrace this!

2) Trust your instincts

Ten years in, we have never done research, and have rarely sought and paid for professional opinions. Every business decision we have made, from renting space to choosing products has been pure instinct. We trust our gut and it has worked almost every time.

3) Love it or leave it

You’ve heard this before, but the fact is, whatever you take on won’t be successful unless you absolutely love what you do. We play to our strengths and split the work accordingly. This allows us to go to work and LOVE what we do. It’s essential!

4) The people make the environment

Dealing with rude suppliers, impolite staff and angry types negatively affects you and your business. The beauty is you get to choose whom you conduct business with. If you work well with someone, it’s worth nurturing those relationships. In the long run, everyone will be better off.

5) Treating staff right pays dividends

We’ve all had horrible bosses. Don’t be one. We’ve found that the more we open up to our staff, the more likely they are to go above and beyond for us. They embrace the spirit of our store, stick around longer and put more energy in their work.

So say thanks. When you catch staff doing something right, praise them!

6) Failing is fine (and inevitable)

Mistakes are one of the best forms of education out there. Don’t beat yourself up when they occur. We’ve ordered the wrong products, rented the wrong spaces, but I cannot imagine where we’d be if we had not committed these errors, and learned from them.

7) You cannot please everyone

Regardless of what you do, how good your service is, the effort you put into something, sometimes the result is still a disgruntled customer. Don’t waste time worrying about this. You cannot please everyone. Trying to means you’ll end up pleasing no one.

Entrepreneurship’s schedule is a blessing and a curse

Starting a new business? All the power to you! Just understand the schedule is both amazing (i.e. – you make it) and awful (i.e. – the buck stops with you and only you can handle certain situations that can arise). It does not come with an “off” switch. So, while we’ve been able to eat dinner together as a family frequently, there have been times where we have had to drop everything and deal with the business.

9) Hard decisions are hard, but need to be made quickly

We’ve all had to fire someone, or drop a long-term supplier whose products aren’t selling anymore. Letting these types of matter percolate too long does nothing to solve the problem. Get on with the tough stuff.

10) There are no rules.

Ten years later we still have no business plan. We get up everyday, we work hard, we have fun, and we laugh with our staff, and with our customers. Sometimes, we cry a little too. But we love it, that is all that matters!

Because after all, what is life without loving what you do, and who you’re doing it with?

~Virginia

–

 About Virginia Champoux-Sokoloff…

Virginia and Jay Sokoloff

Virginia Champoux-Sokoloff is the co-owner (with her husband Jay Sokoloff) of Mortimer Snodgrass, a funky and unique gift store in Montreal, Canada that celebrated it’s 10th anniversary in October 2011. Now located in a central mega-store in Old Montreal and online, Mortimer Snodgrass continues to provide fun, funky and unique gifts to tourists, lifelong Montrealers, visiting celebrities (Halle Berry is a fan of the store) and customers as far away as Chile. Though Mortimer, the now 11-year-old dog that inspired the shop’s name, has retired from the daily grind of greeting customers, Virginia’s two young daughters love helping out around the shop.

–

Tell us, if you’re a mompreneur, what have you learned along the way about life and business? Share your tips here…

xoxEDxox

Other articles you might enjoy:

• What You Can Learn About Life Through Business
• Being A MOMpreneur Is Big Business
• International Women’s Day
• Wordless Wednesday: The Giving Basket
• Making Your Passion Your Paycheck

As I’m preparing to wind down for a couple of weeks, I can’t help but reflect upon the past year. 2011 has been, well… one of the most interesting years of my life.

There were highs:

We took the kids to Disney World for the first time (it was my first time too).

The plane ride home

In January, I was named to the coveted list of The Top 20 Women in Canada.

My hubby and I celebrated over 10 happy years of marriage and over 15 years of being together.

I watched my children thrive in life and school. It took my breath away, many times over.

I got to hear one of my favorite women, Oprah Winfrey speak in person.

I traveled far and wide, for both business and pleasure, meeting the most incredible people along the way.

I became a radio correspondent.

I made Forbes Magazine, twice in one year – Women On The Fence was named Forbes Magazine’s Top 100 Sites for Women , and I was named Forbes Magazine’s 25 Most Influential Women Tweeting About Entrepreneurship.

I got to hang with one of my favorite entrepreneurs – Richard Branson.

Me and entrepreneur and philanthropist Richard Branson

I got to interview some incredibly dynamic women and share their life lessons with you– Mariel Hemingway, Christy Turlington, Holly Robinson Peete, Mackenzie Phillips, Jill Zarin, Ramona Singer and many more.

Mariel Hemingway

I watched my children grow taller before my eyes, entering 3rd grade, and pre-kindergarten.

I launched The Erica Diamond Jewelry Collection for Ice.com.

I shot my first TV pilot (still in the works).

A fitting

I co-chaired an evening for 650 women that went without a hitch.

I became a Spokesperson for some incredible Brands.

I was given an award for “Outstanding Achievement in Leadership”

I became the Spokesperson for National Entrepreneurship Day (a big deal for a die-hard, ass-working, entrepreneur gal like me).

I saw Women On The Fence become a registered trademark.

There were lows:

A breast cancer scare that sent me in a tailspin, but in the end, made me truly appreciate life so much more. And made me so grateful to have this community by my side.

I watched my son not make the A-team in hockey for the first time ever – and saw the disappointment is his eyes. It hurt something awful.

But then watched him make the A-team again this fall.

My husband got into a near-fatal car crash but lived to tell.

I had writer’s block.

I shared my hate mail – it was bad.

I confessed my frustrations.

–

But that was the past – and the past is gone.

Now we look forward.  We look to a new year. I love a new year as much as I love a quarter-pounder-trio at Mc Donalds– A HELLUVA LOT. A new year represents new possibilities, new beginnings, a chance to start over, and get things right. But here is the truth: I haven’t yet tweaked my Bucket List (which I do every year), nor made one single resolution (which I usually do too). This year, I’ve turned a whole new leaf. I have decided to go through 2012 with no concrete plan at all. Yes.

WHAT you might ask?! This is so very irresponsible.

But as I reflect back upon my life, I know one thing – man plans, and God laughs. I planned to go to MBA School 13 years ago, but failed my GMATS and never got in. We plan in great detail, and life still throws us unexpected curveballs. Or better yet, the flipside- we expect the worst, and things just magically work out.

So this year, I became **GASP**  a believer and truster in the Universe. I’m no longer afraid.  I’ve seen life fall into place in ways I never could have planned. And I know that things happen the way they must – this goes for both the good and the bad in our life. Today, December 19th, 2011, we only know where we’ve been.  We can’t possibly know what the future holds for any of us. And that unknown is both scary and exhilarating. I do know that with hard work, passion and persistence, comes opportunity. And I also know, that without our health and family, nothing matters.

Yes, I have my vision board. I know the dream. But this year, I will not be so rigid. And I urge you, perhaps, to not be so rigid either.  In looking to the future, I challenge you to make your resolutions, make your Bucket Lists, your life plans. Make them. But pencil in a little room for failure.  When you leave room to slip, I truly believe that’s when your best self shows itself. Plan to succeed, but plan to fail. I have found failure to be game-changing.

And one more thing– in working my ass off in 2011, I also realized something else. We get do-overs in our careers, and actually in many things in life. But we don’t get do-overs as mothers and wives. Our children are small for a very short time, and we truly only get one chance to raise them right. No do-overs there. Same goes for our relationships. So a quick tongue, or a fast word can hurt. Remember: be kind, be generous, be loving, be playful, be forgiving, be honest.

You get out of life what you put in. Every time. No shortcuts.

I’d love to know what YOU realized in 2011, and what you hope for in 2012?

xoxEDxox

Other articles you might enjoy:

• Playing In Poop
• My One Goal for 2012
• Interview: Erica Diamond Goes One-On-One with Shira Lazar
• Women On The Fence named FORBES TOP 100 WEBSITES FOR WOMEN 2011
• Erica Diamond named ‘The Top 20 Women Of 2010′

By Guest Blogger Shay Banks

You’ve done it.

I’ve done.

Every woman on the planet has done it.

We’re ashamed when we do it, but the alternative doesn’t look so bright either. I’m talking about settling. Namely, settling for a so-so romantic relationship.

It’s not bad per se, it’s just, you know that deep down you could do sooo much better.

The alternative to settling, of course, is going on more dates where you’ll have to laugh at not-so-funny jokes and rehash (again!) why you’re on the market.

The alternative to that is being single.

There you have it ladies– you can settle for a so-so relationship, you can go on countless dates, or you can be single. There’s no other choice.

Or is there?

No matter how accomplished a she becomes, no matter how many lives she saves, at the end of the day, a woman is more likely to judge her success in life based on two things: her weight and her love life. If either of them is off kilter, she could win the biggest awards and earn the highest salary in the company, but it won’t matter because she’s “failed” in the ways that “really count.”

To avoid that feeling of failure, she loses the weight and settles for the first guy that asks “Will you marry me?”

And even after the weight is lost and she’s tossed her bouquet in the air, there’s a part of her that wishes she’d waited. Not waited because she enjoyed being single, but waited because she knows she deserves more than what she settled for.

The thing with settling, is that it doesn’t steal your soul in one fatal swoop. Instead, like a water bottle with a tiny pin prick, it leaks out your vibrant spirit over time (which is why so many women can stay in settled relationships for years before doing anything about it.) There’s pain, yes, but it’s tolerable.

Thankfully, there’s another way.

The Root of Settling

Settling in and of itself isn’t fear. It’s actually a form of escapism. It’s a cry out for acceptance and normalcy (whatever that is).

What if we changed our perspective? What if instead of “settling,” we dug up the fear behind it. Remember settling is relatively easy; it’s what it does to your soul that makes it so painful.

• We settle because we’re tired of people asking “where’s your date/man?” upon entering parties.
• We settle because having someone is better than feeling flawed because at your age you’re still single.
• We settle because we’re just ready to stop this whole dating thing, already!

The mind is a tricky and powerful tool. Left to its own devices, it will make you believe every fear you actually think. So here are some ways to overcome the rock and hard place that is known as ‘settling for a so-so relationship‘ or remaining single: 

1. Ask yourself “Does this choice make my heart smile?”

If a guy makes your heart smile and feeds your soul, are you truly settling? And if you find yourself single and happy, is that settling? Do you know what truly makes you leap out of bed with joy? If you don’t, then how are you able to attract a man that’s able to give you the type of joy your heart needs?

 2. Ask yourself “What 3 traits must I absolutely have in a partner?”

Having too many “requirements” in a potential partner can keep you single forever. Having 3 essential must-haves gives the Universe a little wiggle room to add traits that you hadn’t known you wanted or needed. Knowing these 3 traits will calm your nerves and actually help you find a partner that’s right for you a lot quicker.

3. Ask yourself “Do I really believe I deserve the best love experience?”

Initially every woman’s answer is “YES!” But do your daily words and actions reflect that? I know my own actions and words don’t always reflect that enthusiastic “yes” either.

Do you say things like “I’m such a catch. Any guy would be lucky to have me!” and then almost in the same breath say “That guy won’t want me because my stomach’s not flat.”

In order to have the love life you desire, your self-talk has to demonstrate that you believe you deserve to have it. It takes conscious practice every day, but after a while, it becomes a love magnetizing habit.

To overcome the urge to settle for a so-so relationship, first it’s important to get to the root of why you feel the need to settle. Once the root is dismantled, you my dear, are well on your way to attracting rockin’ relationship!

–

Tell us, have you ever settled in a relationship? What was that like and when did you know you had to bail? Are you actually with Mr. Good Enough right now? What is YOUR advice on settling down with the man of your dreams? Share with our community.

xoxEDxox

–

 About Shay Banks

Shay Banks is a Dating and Relationship Specialist who helps women fall in love with themselves so that they can attract a man that will do the same. Join her 10 Day Love Magnet Challenge to jumpstart a satisfying journey to finding your unique Mr. Right.  Check out her blog for more articles and tips on how to make your love life smokin’ hot.

Other articles you might enjoy:

• Four Things You Should Know About Men
• The Cold Hard Truth
• Wisdom Wednesday: Face Your Dirty Dishes
• Sexy Quirky Marriage: Do You Have One?
• The Good Ol’ Fashioned Double Standard

By Guest Blogger Sarah Brokaw

In contrast to many of the marriages in our nation, where 50% fail the first time, 63% fail the second time, and 74% fail the third time, my parents have sustained their marriage and have done it with steadfast commitment, joy and passion for 49 years.

On August 17th, 1962, Tom Brokaw and Meredith Auld wedded in Yankton, South Dakota, on the hottest day of the year. Even so, 150 of their friends and family filed into the un-air-conditioned church to witness the nuptials between my mother, the reigning Miss South Dakota, and my father, the loquacious and witty charmer.

In everyone’s eyes, it was obvious why my father would want to spend the rest of his life with my mother, the beauty queen. My mother’s beauty not only captured everyone’s eyes, but her grace attracted even the most circumspect members of the Yankton community.

Meredith Auld

When my mother made the decision to wed my dad, eyebrows were raised. Many people wondered why she had not wedded the more eligible bachelors—like the town’s brilliant and sophisticated Eldon Weinstock. While my father was smart, fun, and quite attractive, he, in many people’s eyes, had not established any real goals to attain, or any clear roadmap to follow.

My mother listened to her own heart and inner voice, instead, and chose to marry my father. In fact, she was so convinced that she wanted to marry him that she proposed to him on June 9th, 1962. Well, actually, that is my dad’s version of the story. When I e-mailed my mother, to find out her version, she replied, “Yes, I did the proposing, but Tom did the old-fashioned thing and called on Merritt and Viv (my mother’s parents) to ‘get permission.’ The mother of one of our high-school friends prompted it by asking me what Tom’s and my plans were. I told Tom that Helen Desmond wanted to know and that was that.”

Tom and Meredith Brokaw

While I am so blessed to have observed the beautiful and indestructible bond that my parents have built over the past 49 years, I still wonder how my parents’ marriage withstood the toughest of times over the years. But then I am reminded of one particular marriage announcement that I had read in the New York Times several years ago, that had left an indelible mark in my brain and in my heart. Rather than the usual details of the wedding being the focus of my interest—such as where, when, and how the couple had met—it was the quote given by the wedding officiator (a Presbyterian minister) that captured my attention. When the minister was at the podium with the bride and groom, he took a moment to describe what he thought to be the meaning of a successful marriage: “Marriage, in effect is with a stranger about whom you have a magnificent hunch.”

So, perhaps after 49 years, Meredith Auld and Tom Brokaw still look upon each other as strangers, about whom they have a magnificent hunch.

Amen to strangers and magnificent hunches.

–

About Sarah Brokaw

Sarah Brokaw is a Los Angeles-based licensed therapist and the New York Times bestselling author of Fortytude: Making the Next Decades the Best Years of Your Life — through the 40’s, 50’s and Beyond. As a psychotherapist, Sarah specializes in relational dynamics and her involvement with the wellness community is complemented by her engagement with the world at large. She is also a philanthropist skilled at helping people on an individual, as well as communal basis.

For more information on Sarah or to read her blogs, please visit www.MyFortytude.com. You can also visit Sarah on Facebook and follow her on Twitter: @Sarah_Brokaw.

Click here to get the link to Sarah's new book

Tell us, what do you think is the secret to a long and successful marriage? Share your thoughts with our community.

Happy weekend, wonderful readers.

xoxEDxox

Other articles you might enjoy:

• The Magic Room: A Tale of Six Lives Woven Together
• Confession Time
• Four Things You Should Know About Men
• The State of Marriage and Divorce
• Sexy Quirky Marriage: Do You Have One?

By Guest Blogger By Eric J. Leech

Men don’t like to talk about themselves much. For this reason, many of their idiosyncrasies are largely left a mystery. Today, I am pulling back the curtain, revealing the delicate balance of what separates a man from the boy. Whether you are married, in a relationship, navigating dating websites or the bar scene, these four tips will help bring new understanding to what you already thought you knew about men.

Women On The Fence readers, here is a private viewing, a sneak peak into our minds….

Sex is Love

Men do not deal with intangible emotions very well. When you say that you love him, he recognizes these words mean something very special, but the proof is always in the pudding. Now I am not advocating jumping in the sack on a first date to show him you’re interested, but if you are already invested in a committed relationship, don’t allow the sex to dwindle.

Just as women crave the emotional connection with their partner, men crave the physical. So you know, after sex is when a man feels closest to his partner. He may be slobbering all over himself in his sleep, but trust me, your bond has been fortified. Sex is a confidence builder. It reminds him that you are still attracted to him.

Now it doesn’t all have to be about sex. Men also appreciate the subtle message behind a kiss or a home-cooked meal (yes he loves those). However, sometimes no matter how hard you try, he just doesn’t seem interested in sex, but there’s an explanation for this…

He May Not Always Ask for What He Really Wants

There is a mental disease that effects just about every man in the world, and it’s called Approval Addiction. When men are bored and depressed with their sex life, it is often nobody else’s problem but their own. Men are so addicted to receiving approval from others, he would rather sulk, than ask his partner if she’d be up to trying something new.

Men keep their sexual fantasies a secret out of fear that she might not approve. Some studies suggest this phenomenon may even be one of the motivating factors to cheating. He would rather express his fantasies to someone he barely knows (whose opinion does not matter), than risk the possibility his partner might say no (a form of disapproval).

He Can Have Deep Emotional Connections

The sensitive man is not a new concept. Evidence suggests that men are actually born with more expressive emotional capabilities than women. The problem is, within the first few years of life, men are taught to hide their feelings (hurt), and learn not to need anybody. The result is your typical John Wayne, who may be manly and cool, but has a limited vocabulary of mostly “yup’s” and “nopes.”

A woman can help a man discover his feminine side, and I am not talking about spending hours styling your hair or playing karaoke. This is a guy, who will share his feelings and needs, while better understanding your own. The most important step is to reach out to him, and empathize with his stress. Men are largely untouched from age three on up. While he may not realize it, he desperately craves this kind of attention. He needs a woman who will hug him, ask how he feels, and patiently waits until he’s ready to talk about it.

He’s Sorry Only When He Thinks He’s Done Wrong

Women appear to have an easier time apologizing than men. You may think that he is just resistant because of his pride, but there are other forces at play. What research suggests, is that men are more lenient when it comes to their actions. For instance, let’s say a guy drives over to his buddy’s house, wakes him up in the middle of the night, drags him to a bar, gets him drunk, then drops him off in the morning, causing him to be late for work, and lose his job. This should require an apology, according to most women. To a guy, he may pat his buddy on the back in condolences, but being ‘sorry’ will never cross his mind. He didn’t do anything, after all, other than show his friend a good time.

Catch my drift?

According to studies, both men and women apologize about 80 percent of the time they think they’ve done something wrong. The reason there appears to be such a discrepancy, is because men don’t think they’re wrong very often. If it makes you feel any better, men also don’t believe they are owed an apology for most infractions, so don’t worry about dishing out “I’m sorry,” unless the occasion really calls for it.

Something to keep in mind– at the end of the day, men really aren’t that complex. It’s just a matter of taking the time to understand how they’re hard-wired. Believe me, we spend much time trying to figure you women out too.

~Eric

–

BIO:

Nestled within the boundaries of the Love capital of the United States, Loveland Colorado, resides a columnist/author/actor/ entrepreneur, Eric J. Leech. Having grown up in a rather Y-chromosome deficient neighborhood, Eric spent his childhood playing house, Barbies (vs. G.I. Joe). Out of high school, Eric attended Colorado State University where he earned degrees in English, Psychology, Social Sciences, and Theater Arts.

Eric has since put every degree to good use with a variety of career undertakings, including eight years as an actor/model/ director for various television and film projects and the co-owner of an outdoor living structure design company. Eric has recently found himself quite the connoisseur as a known columnist, author and celebrity profiler for various publications and projects.

He has been featured with such magazines as (UMM) Urban Male Magazine (Canada), Turbo & High Performance, Import Tuner, Circle (India), Alternative Trends (International), UNO (Philippines), D’Luxe, The Strip, and Coffee House Digest (International) and Huffington Post.

For every love stricken soul who has ever spent an afternoon bent-over a garden picking daisy petals, singing, “she/he loves me… She/he loves me not,” there could be an atomic-sized love wedgie waiting just one bad decision away. Eric says, “Drop those daisy’s, tuck-in that vulnerable (underwear) waistband, and let’s find a relationship worth singing about!”

Eric J. Leech is the featured writer at DatingWebsites.org

You can also find him at EricLeech.com

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Tell us, do you agree with Eric? Does this all make sense, ladies? Men, do you agree with Eric? I’d love your point of view on this!

xoxEDxox

Other articles you might enjoy:

• Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
• A Man’s View About Sex
• Sexy Quirky Marriage: Do You Have One?
• The Good Ol’ Fashioned Double Standard
• Cyber Sex and Your Relationship

By Guest Blogger Bianca Osbourne

Low self-esteem seems to plague the female existence. We are faced with the insurmountable task of being beautiful, successful, sexy and powerful, all while making it look easy. Low self-esteem has been my Achilles heel since I was very young. Growing up, I was chunky with spotted skin, so I worked diligently toward being the class clown. Having my classmates laugh WITH me before they could laugh AT me was an art form I perfected.

Fortunately, time was good to me and I blossomed as I grew up. The baby fat melted away and my skin cleared. All of a sudden, I saw a beautiful woman staring back at me in the mirror. Good looking men approached me from all angles, wanting to be my mate. I was shocked, but reveled in the attention that I had craved as a teenager. Then I met the man whom I thought I would be with forever; he was perfect, he loved me, and I loved him for that. But my old feelings of inadequacy crept in as the relationship grew, and those feelings slowly sabotaged this wonderful relationship, the relationship I wanted so badly; but believed I didn’t deserve.

From the beginning, I was baffled as to why this gorgeous person wanted to be with me. I looked up to him tremendously, and I wanted him to cure me of my low self-worth. Eventually he pushed back against the pressure of my need for him to save me; as a result I became needy. It’s an incredible burden for a man, as he struggles to figure out his own life, to be tasked with rescuing someone from their own twisted thinking. Eventually the relationship crumbled because I wasn’t the person he had fallen in love with. I had become a woman who was scared of losing the only man she thought she could get. He could no longer handle the pressure of keeping me happy.

I hated him for months. I blamed him, called him names, stalked him, and behaved like a woman scorned. I am certainly not the first woman to behave like this, and I certainly won’t be the last. After months of mourning and hatred, I had my “a-ha” moment; I was watching a television program about weddings, and the bride expected so much of the groom. I could see his frustration and thought to myself, “Girlfriend, it’s not his job to do everything to make YOU happy.” And then it hit me like a ton of bricks — I was the problem, not him. I cried for days, realizing that not only had I self-sabotaged my relationship, but that my self-esteem was so low that I had looked desperately to others to provide me with confidence. I felt sad and pathetic.

Sitting there and feeling pathetic, I decided that I wanted to be better. First, I took ownership of my actions. I made a conscious decision to stay single until I knew that I, and I alone, could give birth to my own happiness. The moment when I was okay with being alone would be the moment when I would start dating again. I took up yoga and read voraciously about relationships — relationships with men and relationships with self. My journey to self-love didn’t happen overnight, but after two years of searching for the happy Bianca, I came to many conclusions.

Never underestimate the power of positive thinking

For years I had programmed myself to think that I was somehow inferior. I felt inferior to my mates and my friends; this negative self-talk only contributed to my amazingly low self-worth. Then I discovered affirmations, the simple act of filling my mind with positive thoughts. It sounded simple enough, but reversing years of negative self-talk takes a whole lot of affirming. I persevered because I knew this was the first step toward changing my future. Now every morning, before I do anything, I recite 3 sentences, ten times. Whenever I feel old habits creeping in again, I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and recite this affirmation as many times as it takes for the negative feelings to subside. It works. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

My happiness is my business

I tasked other people and things to make me happy — men, clothing, money — you name it; but that is a passive and often rocky road to self-love. I made my happiness my own business. Through this, I discovered that I love to write, that walking clears my head, and that I prefer to have a decent amount of alone time. I had always tried to be happy doing what brought other people happiness, yet I was so unhappy. Once I took inventory of my true desires, I was able to embark on my own path to self-love happiness.

 R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I had become so accustomed to berating myself and all my efforts that, without even realizing it, I had become my own worst influence. Reversing the negative self-talk was hard. The affirmations certainly helped, but it took very hard work to change myself. Since my teenage years I had discounted all of my positive qualities and focused solely on the negative. Now I make a point of respecting myself every day through exercise and a focus on healthy living. This has helped me see the value of the positive things I do throughout the day. Taking care of my body and mind is the ultimate showcase of my self-respect. I’ve realized that when I am being myself and showing myself love, I’m kind, gentle, and feel at ease showing my biting sense of humor. I now can finally say, that I like who I am.

Get Physical

Exercise is my savior. Pushing my body to new heights, and seeing the result that exercise has had on my body and mind, has changed my attitude for the better. I used to berate my body for being overweight, and in my adulthood those thoughts still lingered. But completing a 30-day yoga challenge forced me to realize how powerful my body is, and to give it the respect it deserves.

Hot yoga single-handedly improved my self-image; and having struggled with bad skin, I have found that yoga is truly the best acne skincare treatment. I haven’t had a breakout since I began my practice. This body withstood 30 straight days of Bikram yoga and one day it will bear my children; my body is mine and it is completely amazing.

It took losing something I thought I needed to survive, to realize the cold heard truth… sometimes, we gotta make some serious changes to the way we treat ourselves in order to get happy and healthy. Love is amazing, and being loved is amazing, but I have discovered that before we can love anyone else, we need to love and take care of ourselves. It isn’t selfish, it’s the secret to happiness.

~Bianca

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What do you think? Tell us ladies, can you identify with Bianca? Do you struggle with self esteem issues? Has self esteem issues effected you in relationships? What advice would you give to a woman struggling with self worth? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

xoxEDxox

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BIO:

Bianca Osbourne is a professionally trained natural foods chef and freelance health writer. She writes voraciously about using nutrition and believes in using food for skincare and wellness. Visit her blog at http://www.VitalityGuideForWomen.com/blog-2/

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