By Guest Blogger Laurie Gerber

I’ve been with my husband for 18 years and so far neither of us has cheated. We have something really great, but if you read my blog, you’d know it wasn’t always so good. We had our troubles and issues in our marriage, same as all couples. I will tell you that it is what we chose to do about our issues, that has kept our love thriving and our marriage hot. Prepare to change your thinking!

People get frustrated with keeping love alive, partly because they’ve been conditioned by movies and common culture to believe that with the “right” person, all the romance and spark will appear “naturally.” I teach a different story. Love and romance usually come easily when we’re young or when the relationship is young. After that, it takes work. Don’t view that as an injustice or a burden, but rather an opportunity to grow up and take charge of your life.

First, accept that it is your job to keep love and intimacy alive (for your happiness and to prevent cheating), and that it’s a privilege and a fun game to do so. Then, use my tips below to figure out what’s missing and how to build your relationship. Hint! It’s mainly about regular, open communication and connection. But I don’t want to spoil the surprise, so read on!

1. Give your spouse the power to please you sexually and otherwise. 

It’s really important that your partner pleases you and knows that he does. Many people withhold pleasure on purpose, as a way to control their partner, or get back at their partner. We learned this at a young age when we’d throw a tantrum to try and get candy or attention from our parents. Withholding your happiness until you get what you want will only get you a messy, teary power struggle where name-calling and blaming will occur.

For years, I used this tactic on my husband. Not just sexually, but everywhere. He couldn’t drive right, do chores right, have conversations right, or “loosen me up” in bed. How convenient that my satisfaction was all HIS problem and failure. Once I grew up about this, I made my happiness and pleasure MY challenge to solve, and then life got much better for both of us. I now know it’s my job to like what my husband does, or find a great and graceful way to tweak it.

You get more bees with honey. This goes for your marriage too.

2. Make regular time together and treat it as sacred.

Every night, during regular face time with my husband, we have a ritual of asking questions that are designed to cause intimacy. We share things like: what we’re proud of in our marriage, successes, connections with others, when we played the victim, what we love about the other, what bad traits came up and everything we don’t want to say. We also re-assess our wedding vows and rewrite them every year on our anniversary, and then we give ourselves grades on how we are doing at keeping them each week during our nightly ritual.

This year, I promised to listen more deeply than ever and to consciously enjoy our marriage more. He promised to make eye contact and better manage his time for the sake of our family. See? We invent new and fun conversations about life, and our love, that are just ours, and that is what keeps us connected. (And you can, too.)

Connection is the road to all things great in your marriage.

3. Respect each other sexuality.

My husband is allowed to like what he likes sexually, so there is no sneaking. Even if I don’t want to do everything he likes (and vice versa), there is no shaming about any of it. Those topics are sacred and protected. If that is not the case in your partnership, please take a good hard look at why not. I had to do plenty of work on myself to understand that I am not the same as my partner, I don’t have to be, and none of it is personal (unless it is).

4. Make your spouse your HERO.

I am now in the business of finding what I love about my partner rather than focusing on what doesn’t work. I like to catch him being my hero. Whatever quality you want to see more of in your partner, start seeing it, and acknowledging it. I recommend you write down all the times you “catch” what you want to see.

5. Get involved in each other’s lives.

Do you know what your partner does with his/her time? Are you talking about it? Do you know his hobbies, interests, what he does when he’s not at work or with you? My husband and I are intimately involved in each other’s lives and we like that. Naturally, you do not have to have the same preferences or spend all your time together, but please think something is fishy if there are weird gaps in communication or understanding of what your partner’s life is like. Please do not persist in denial. Accountability and integrity are key ingredients to a successful relationship.

6. Have sex.

Here is the final, most important way to keep a marriage hot: have sex! My husband and I have promises about how frequently we have sex. I really recommend it. Don’t let the cliché of sex fading with marriage become true (or truer) in your relationship. Cut it out!! Lie back down in bed (or anywhere!) with that person you loved enough that you committed to him or her. Just get back on the bike and ride; it really does come back to you. Do NOT wait to be “in the mood.”

Growing up means causing what you want in your life, not waiting for it to magically happen. It is not a bad thing that relationships take work– the best things in life require real effort to make them flourish. May you consider this a blessed opportunity when it comes to keeping love alive and your marriage or partnership hot.

~Laurie

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About Laurie Gerber…

Laurie Gerber is President of Handel Group® Life Coaching and a Senior Coach. Laurie’s personal and professional mission is to change the world by teaching people to tell the truth and pursue their dreams. Her MTV True Life tv show debut and weekly teleseminar subscription Wake up Your Week are her current favorite modalities. When she’s not busy clearing out clients’ excuses and running the company, she also indulges herself by enjoying precious moments with her husband and two daughters.

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What are your thoughts here? I am sometimes on the fence about how much I should give, without expectations or being resentful if I don’t get what I need. Did anything here resonate for you? Do you agree with Laurie? How do YOU keep the passion alive in your marriage?  Share YOUR secrets to a blissful marriage, or your frustrations. Laurie will be reading.

xoxEDxox 

Other articles you might enjoy:

• How to Stop Settling for “Mr. Good Enough” and Start Fighting the “Somebody-Is-Better-Than-Nobody” Syndrome
• Four Things You Should Know About Men
• The Cold Hard Truth
• Wisdom Wednesday: Face Your Dirty Dishes
• Scheduling “Date Nights”

If you are new to this blog, I was thrilled to announce last year, that I became the Brand Ambassador for Our Generation Dolls.

When I heard about this line for girls, I knew I was the right person to represent this brand and showcase it to my large audience of women and moms who have daughters, nieces, granddaughters and great granddaughters of their own.

A spokesperson for collectible dolls, you might ask? Well, these weren’t just any dolls. They had a unique and inspirational message to share.

Instead of putting it into my own words, I thought the Our Generation Dolls (OG Dolls) story spoke best for itself.

“We are an extraordinary generation of girls. And have we got a story to tell.

Our Generation isn’t just about a doll or a book or even a fantastic miniature tea set. It’s about girls growing up together and creating the narrative of an extraordinary generation. And their parents who understand the pressures of being a girl more than any generation of parents before them.

Our Generation is about girls helping girls who are less fortunate because they want to and because they know they can. It’s about giving girls a voice to create and shape a community they love. About growing up with good self esteem and believing we can change the world.

We girls are a powerful force. We’re helping our families learn to recycle, holding bake sales to support charities, even holding penny drives to build homes for orphaned children in Haiti. We’re helping our little sisters learn to read and even making sure the new kid at school has a place to sit in the cafeteria. We’re writing books to help animal shelters, collecting dresses for girls who would have otherwise gone without and organizing golf tournaments to buy stuffed animals that make chemotherapy a little easier on the kids who have to go through it.

In between all that, we still find time to play hopscotch and hockey. To catch frogs, climb trees, do cartwheels all the way down the block and laugh with our friends until our juice comes out of our noses! You know, to be kids.

Yep. This is our time. This is our story.” – Our Generation

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Check out a few of Our Generation Dolls for your daughters, nieces, granddaughters.

Lily Ann - an ordinary girl AND a horseback rider

Lily Ann packaged - all deluxe dolls come with an educational book too!

Evelyn - We learn how to be "in the limelight" for school plays. Evelyn comes with a book that even includes "12 Tips for Auditioning for a Play"

Gourmet Kitchen Set

And now I’m thrilled to announce that actress and activist Natalie Portman, is also involved on the charity and initiative side of OG Dolls!

For every Our Generation doll, outfit or accessory you buy, 10¢ goes to Free The Children’s Power of a Girl Initiative to help provide girls in developing countries an education––the most powerful tool in the world for escaping poverty.

Academy Award winning actress, Harvard graduate, new mother and now Free The Children Ambassador, Natalie Portman‘s talents are only overshadowed by her passion. Now she’s using both to help create permanent change by bringing education, the key to breaking the cycle of poverty, to girls in Kenya and beyond.

Read more about Natalie collaborating with Free The Children to create an all-girls’ secondary boarding school in Kenya and now, how her inspired lipstick shade is going to provide scholarships for girls to attend.

Disclosure: I’m proud to be a paid OG Dolls Brand Ambassador.

Other articles you might enjoy:

• ANNOUNCEMENT: Erica Diamond Brand Ambassador For Self Esteem Dolls – ‘Our Generation Dolls’
• Today is ‘Pink Shirt Day’ in honor of ‘National Anti-Bullying Day’: Warning Signs and Prevention
• ANNOUNCEMENT: Erica Diamond Brand Ambassador for RetailMeNot.com
• The Liz Lange Interview: Her Maternity Empire, Motherhood, and More
• Teaching Kids About Money

I don’t even know where to begin. I am still on a high after a magnificent weekend with my mom in Toronto attending Oprah’s Lifeclass Tour. So many of you have tweeted me and Facebooked me asking for all the juicy details. So today will be a mixed bowl of those details, life lessons, and what I learned. Hold on tight, and come along with me on a ride of fun and education…

It all started Sunday. My husband was leaving on a business trip, and I was leaving for Toronto. We kissed our two boys goodbye, and headed to the airport for our respective flights. Walking in, I had to laugh. My mom and I showed up at the airport in the exact same outfit, completely unplanned. Quite typical of us. We were excited, and off on our first mother-daughter trip in almost a decade!

Mom and I at the airport en route to our mother-daughter getaway

After being delayed 2 1/2 hours, we finally touched down in Toronto. No kids for two days. Only one person to care for- myself. I gotta admit, it was nice. I missed afternoon tea with the OWN Network. They had graciously invited me, but my delayed flight prevented me from attending.

Mom and I had dinner, went to bed early Sunday night, knowing that the doors opened at 7am.

We woke up Monday morning EXCITED! We were goin’ to Oprah baby!! I tweeted to Miss O that morning.

“Show day! Out of the shower and getting ready for #OinTO at 7:30! Woo hoo!! @Oprah @IyanlaVanzant @tonyrobbins @DeepakChopra exciting!” – @WomenOnTheFence

If I tell you, I tweet Oprah ALL.THE.TIME to no reply. But all of a sudden, BING, Twitter reply.

OPRAH TWEETED ME!!

And with that tweet, we were off to the convention center. It was 6:50 in the morning, and we walked down the street to Starbucks for a quick breakfast to go. It was as if Oprah Winfrey owned Front Street. Women EVERYWHERE, all going to see Oprah.

At Starbucks before Lifeclass

After a lineup around MANY blocks, we were inside. My mom was immediately snapping pictures. She couldn’t get enough.

We then entered the auditorium. 8,500 women in one room is nothing to sneeze about. We were guided to our seats- 4th row center. GULP!

The electricity, the synergy, the buzz in the room was palpable.  Everyone was there by choice, not out of necessity, to learn and to self-improve. It felt as if this was a sacred place, a place to be your authentic self. That was the bond that connected all of us. And you could feel it. 8,500 women thirsty for a better life. Thirsty for transformation and change. How cool.

And with that feeling, the day began. They called the first speaker to the stage– a great Canadian entrepreneur and philanthropist, and star of the hit show, Dragon’s Den. Low and behold, it was my buddy Brett Wilson! I had no idea he was going to be there, so when he took the stage, I waved to him. Next thing I know, he called out in front of the entire crowd, “Oh wow, there’s Erica Diamond!” In the words of Fifty Shades of Grey, I flushed scarlet. I ducked in my seat.

Next we heard from four incredible teachers, for about thirty minutes each: Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Iyanla Vanzant and Bishop TJ Jakes. Alright, I expected Tony Robbins to be like a used car salesman. But if I tell you, HIS TALK WAS LIFE CHANGING. He was by far my favorite speaker. If you haven’t read his books or attended his conferences, I urge you to do so. This guy is the real deal.

The set

All four speakers taught us some incredible life lessons. I wanted to share them with you. Here they are in no particular order:

1. “We’re all born with infinite potential and creativity. We all have it in us. Each and every one of us. That’s the only truth”- Deepak Chopra
2. “The 3 things you can offer your children to change them:  attention, appreciation and affection.” – Deepak Chopra
3. “None of us are imprisoned emotional or mentally unless we allow ourselves to be.” -Iyanla Vanzant
4. “Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes for you.” – Tony Robbins
5. “Change your state, change your happiness. We use drugs, sex, eating, smoking, drinking to change our state. You don’t need to this.” – Tony Robbins
6. “Wanna keep your marriage in that same state of bliss you felt at the beginning? Then, DO you what you did at the beginning of your relationship -you gave everything to this person. Do those things again and you will see the change and the reconnection with your partner.” -Tony Robbins
7. “Your story is what blocks you from your breakthrough. We believe the stories we tell ourself over and over again.” -Tony Robbins
8. “We all have our own story. And we stay attached to our story. This can stop us from growing and living. You wanna make your life better? Change your story, change your life.”  -Tony Robbins
9. “When you fail at something, you say you’ve tried everything cuz that makes you feel better. How have you really tried everything? If you had, you woulda found a solution. Bullshit!” – Tony Robbins
10. “You get what you tolerate.” -Tony Robbins (ONE OF MY FAVORITES OF THE DAY!)
11. “Success leaves clues. Go figure out what someone who was successful did, and model it. Improve it, but learn their steps. They have knowledge.” – Tony Robbins
12. “No one talks about failure. Let’s talk about it. Why did you fail? I always hear “resources” as the excuse- not enough time, money, energy, technology. People blame resources as the excuse for failure. It’s not the lack of resources that cause failure, it’s the lack of resourcefulness that causes failure. Resourcefulness is the cure to failure. Successful people are resourceful and find a way to make it work.” -Tony Robbins (MY SECOND FAVORITE OF THE DAY).
13. “Decisions and not conditions determine your destiny. Your biography is NOT your destiny. Rather it’s your DECISIONS that create your destiny.” – Tony Robbins (And he used Oprah as a powerful example that her past, her story, did not get in the way of her destiny. Rather it was her life choices that changed her course. ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES).
14. “The path of least resistance is the path with no joy, no growth.” -Tony Robbins
15. “Common sense is not common. If you’re not doing it, it’s not common.” -Tony Robbins (SO TRUE).
16. “Leap and the net will appear.” – Oh I so believe this!!
17. “How well you manage problems determines how far you go.” – Bishop TJ Jakes
18. “It’s the things that go wrong that make you better.” - Bishop TJ Jakes
19. “Act like you know you’re golden.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant. (as she danced down the aisles. Loved her).
20. “Embrace the truth. Speak the truth. Be the truth. When we welcome the truth, we live our lives like it’s golden.” -Iyanla Vanzant
21. “Tell the truth to yourself, about yourself. No one ever died from telling the truth. We often don’t tell the truth. You gotta tell the truth as soon as you know it. -Iyanla Vanzant
22. “Tell the truth in a way that’s kind.” -Iyanla Vanzant
23. “Challenges are there to make you more aware of your inner purpose.”  -Deepak Chopra

And after 2 hours of incredible learning, my Oprah took the stage. Chills. Goosebumps. Tears.

She began telling us how thankful she was for all her fans, how she had been reading all the tweets and Facebook postings. She then said, “One girl wrote to me this morning that she just got out of the shower and was excited for Lifeclass.” I don’t know what made me blurt out, and LOUD, “THAT WAS ME!!!!!” Oprah then laughed and said,  ”Are you serious? WAIT, YES, IT WAS YOU! And you look just like your picture!” Again, I flushed scarlet.

And then, my Twitter was a buzzing… “Did Oprah just call you out from the stage?” Or “Was Oprah just talking to you?” Then Adam Glassman, creative director of Oprah Magazine tweeted me “Was that just YOU xoxo?” Andrea Wishom, EVP of Harpo Studios wrote, ”Hey! Just saw your cute moment with @Oprah just now! “You look JUST like your picture!” Have fun!”" or “Saw you on the live streaming of Lifeclass. So cool!!! Is it as great as it seems?” Or “Oprah is talking to Erica Diamond. She must be on cloud 9!” They kept coming in.

All fun stuff.

Then, it was time to film Lifeclass. Our episode of Lifeclass on Gratitude was about to be broadcasted live around the world. The curtain went up, and there they appeared.

From left to right: Iyanla Vanzant, Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins, Bishop TJ Jakes, Oprah Winfrey

It was a brilliant hour. Our episode will be the season finale, and will air on April 30th.

Here were some other great highlights of the day….

Me and Maya Watson, Marketing Manager of Harpo

The brilliant Tony Robbins

Iyanla Vanzant dancing!

Deepak Chopra

Erik Logan and one of my favorites, Sheri Salata sharing some OWN news

This photo was shot was 1 minute after I met Oprah. Hello Bucket List!

By the stage.

On stage, flashing one of my tweets

Oprah talking' to us

This woman's story had everyone in tears

People Skyping in to speak to the experts

Me and mom in the audience

Oprah in my row watching the stage

Thank you all for tuning in!

So after a heavy 6 hours of learning, my mom and I walked back to our hotel, put on our running shoes, and explored Toronto. It was almost 90 degrees, and we ended up at a great Italian restaurant outside- wine, pasta, and lots of conversation and reflections about the day. About our lives. About expectations, disappointments, celebrations, breakthroughs, and challenges.

We walked back to our hotel, showered, and there we were- both in our own beds, on our own Macs watching Lifeclass, in our matching hotel bathrobes. It was quite the sight.

As I laid in my bed, I came to two real realizations… Those experts today were really just preaching to the converted. It’s funny, I find in life that the people who don’t subscribe to spirituality or self-improvement, are usually the ones who need it the most. So, I urge you, if you are suffering in any way, to stop complaining, and take action. Movement no matter how small, in the right direction, is game changing.

And second, Tony Robbins’ concept is really one to embrace. There are really no excuses to failure. Resourcefulness and tenacity will win, every time. I speak from experience. You want something? Stop making excuses why you can’t have it, and start getting resourceful. You’d be surprised just how resourceful and resilient women are.

When we arrived home yesterday, as I got out of the car to run in and see my boys for the first time in 48 hours, my mom took my hand, kissed it gently, and said to me, “These last two days were magical.”

And they really were.

Tell me, I’d love to know if any of the 23 lessons hit home, or if you have any of your own secrets that have improved your life. This is a broad community of women, always looking to get off the fence, and take the jump to their happiness. Share your tips and thoughts.

xoxEDxox

Other articles you might enjoy:

• I’m Leaving On A Jet Plane… For Oprah!
• Wordless Wednesday: A Dream Meeting With Arianna Huffington
• The ‘Secret Sauce’ To Becoming a Woman of Action – With Sheri Salata
• Why It’s Good To Fail (VIDEO)
• Tuesday’s Tech Tidbits

Let me start by saying, I am one of the world’s biggest supporters and advocates for marriage. There is thankfully no divorce on either side of our family. This blog post is by no means meant to encourage divorce. I believe divorce should be a very last resort.  Divorce is, however, the statistic for one out of every two marriages, and so today I wanted to offer tips to those people affected. My greatest hope is that if you are currently struggling in your own marriage or relationship, this will be your wake-up call to get off the fence and get help, before it is too late.

Erica

By Guest Blogger Scott Morgan

As a divorce lawyer, I see people on a daily basis dealing with the aftermath of separation and divorce. In those cases where the couple has children, the unavoidable reality is that the children are likely to experience much more emotional turmoil and anxiety than the parents anticipate.

As a father of two young children (ages five and seven), I consider myself very fortunate to have a healthy marriage and a stable family for my children to grow up in. As I tell my clients, if you have children, you owe it to yourself and to them to see if there is any way to work things out so that you can have a happy, well-adjusted family. Yes, it is possible. Unfortunately, often after much of a fight to keep a marriage together, sometimes there is simply no remaining practical option but to divorce and start over. When this is the case, it is time to focus on co-parenting.

While most parents agree that they want to do what is in their children’s best interest, following through with that can often be challenging. Here are some tips to help you move past the pain and work with your ex-spouse.

Effective Co-Parenting is the Best Way to Help Your Children Adapt to the Divorce

Your divorce will affect your children; this is an unavoidable fact. Working together on a healthy co-parenting arrangement will help your children adjust to this major change. They need to know they are still loved in order to feel secure during this time. However, the benefits extend beyond childhood security and self-esteem.

Learning how to solve problems. Children learn how to work through their issues by watching their parents. If the parents are locked in a battle of wills that is fraught with name-calling and spitefulness, then the children will learn the same behavior. Even though you have divorced, you and your ex can still be partners. Your cooperation and willingness to move past the pain will teach your child how to resolve issues and work together.

Consistent rules are more productive. Children of divorced parents will learn quickly how to play both sides of the fence in order to get their way. Working together eliminates this problem. Even though you are divorced, you will still have to come to an agreement on key issues and abide by those agreements. When the rules, discipline and rewards are consistent between the households, everyone will benefit.

Set the Pain Aside

Divorces usually come packed with emotions. It is normal to feel angry, resentful and hurt, especially in divorces where abuse, neglect or infidelity played a role. It is vital that you find a way to set those feelings aside. This is the time to focus on your child’s needs. The co-parenting arrangements are not about your relationship with your ex-spouse, they are about your child’s relationship with both of you. Remember that your children should never be your sounding board for problems with your ex, nor are they your support for the emotions you are going through. Call your friends, join a therapy group or find a great counselor to fill this role. Your job is to support your children and the co-parenting arrangements, and that means keeping your negative feelings about your ex to yourself.

Be the Adults

It is tempting to have your kids deliver messages, but this puts your child squarely in the middle and undermines your co-parenting efforts. Be an adult about the situation, pick up the phone and talk with your ex-spouse. It will be awkward at first, but it will get easier with time. Most importantly, it will benefit your children. Here are some tips to help you communicate effectively and avoid fighting over the phone.

• Keep a formal tone. When you view the relationship with your ex as a business partnership, it will become easier to stay civil. Remember that the important party here is your child, and use the same respectful tone with your former spouse that you would use with an important customer or colleague.
• Ask, do not demand. Remember the old saying that you will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? When you need something from your spouse, ask nicely rather than demanding.
• Listen to your ex-spouse. It is tempting to tune out everything your former partner is saying, but that is not what’s in your child’s best interests. Listening does not necessarily mean that you agree, but it does show respect and will help keep things on a positive note.
• Calm and collected. Your ex-partner is not going to go away, so you will have to find some way to work together until your child is grown. Getting angry after a conversation or fighting with your ex on the phone will cause your child a great deal of stress. It is in your child’s best interest for you to find ways to stay calm when dealing with the ex.
• Kid-focused conversations. Discussions with your partner can sometimes degenerate into complaint sessions about old issues. When the conversation starts to shift in this manner make an effort to turn the focus back to the children.

Co-parenting arrangements can be difficult to put in place, but they are extremely important. Your children will benefit greatly from watching you and your ex-spouse work together. In addition to feeling more secure and loved, they will also learn important problem solving skills. The road won’t always be easy, but your children will benefit greatly from your efforts.

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About Scott Morgan

Scott Morgan is a board certified divorce lawyer in Austin, Texas who regularly blogs on the subject of divorce and family law. You can read his blog at AustinDivorceSpecialist.com.

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I have to say, reading this post today makes me sad. Tell us, have you been affected by divorce? Are you a divorced parent currently doing your best to co-parent in the most effective way possible for you and your children? How can you properly co-parent if you are angry or resentful? How can you even AVOID divorce in the first place? Please share any tips with our readers.

xoxEDxox

Other articles you might enjoy:

• The Perks of Dating (And Flirting) At Forty
• The State of Marriage and Divorce
• How I Saved My Marriage
• 10 Tips To Survive The Divorce Epidemic
• A Remembrance Day Message

Today is April Fool’s Day, so Happy April Fool’s to you! Today is also my father’s 65th birthday. On this joke of a day, it’s no joke that I am who I am, in large part because of his guidance. I blogged about my dad once before on Father’s Day, but today, I’m reposting it below for my new readers.

For those readers who actually know my dad, know he’s a man you instantly fall in love with. He is a man of his word, a man with a kind spirit,  and a true inspiration to me. This is not to sound cocky, but there is nowhere that I don’t go, where I don’t hear, “You’re so-and-so’s daughter? Your dad is such a great guy, ” or “I love him. What a warm and genuine person.” Lucky me.

So Happy 65th birthday, Dad. This one’s for you, and for my thousands of women readers around the world. Here are the life lessons I have learned from my father. They are for everyone. Maybe you’ll pick up a tip or two.

• Your name will stick with you for life. Make sure that name is synonymous with integrity, kindness and truth.
• You must be a person of your word. This comes back to integrity. Your word must be honorable.
• I learned that a handshake is as strong as any signed contract in business. My father’s handshake is his word. I have tried to make mine the same.
• He is the reason I know how to close a business deal and although I sold my business six years ago, that skill still feels very palpable today.
• He is the one who taught me, “The Art of the Schmooze.” Not because he’s phony. No way. Because he genuinely has an interest in every race, culture, ethnicity and religion in this world. He is a lover of all people, and he is a sponge. As am I.
• He is the reason I love Billy Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Earth Wind and Fire, Kool & The Gang, Stevie Wonder, Basia (bet you never heard of her), Anita Baker, Frank Sinatra, Quincy Jones, Michael Jackson, Tony Bennett, Barbara Streisand, and more. Sense a theme here? We’re both still stuck in the 70′s (or earlier), but it’s our comfort zone! He has given me my great appreciation and ear for music.
• He is also the one responsible for giving me my appreciation of great food and great wine. I die for both.
• He taught me to always cut the cloth according to the measure. If you don’t know what that means, Google it.
• He taught me to always face the music, no matter how dark it may sound.
• He taught me not to spend next week’s paycheck.
• He taught me to love what you have, and have what you love.
• He taught me that family comes first.
• He taught me about kindness and loyalty.
• He taught me to always plan ahead. I am like a scout today… I always plan ahead. And not only do we both plan ahead, we anticipate the other person’s response, and are therefore constantly in problem solving mode.
• He taught me that you can never have enough underwear or shampoo. A person must stock up on both. Ok, maybe that one isn’t one you can truly learn from, but, I have tons of both.
• He taught me that growing up lacking many resources makes you stronger in the end and is not a bad thing. Fortunately, I didn’t learn that one first hand, but I may as well have. It’s been ingrained in me since birth. I have an immense value for a dollar. I eat every morsel of food on my plate… Every. Single. Morsel. I conserve. I don’t waste. I’m most comfortable in sweats, no makeup and being unfancy. And I know that bad things happen for a reason, and we must never ignore the message.
• I learned that a great massage and a great workout are one of life’s great treats.
• He taught me how to be confident and humble, all in the same breath.
• He taught me how to give of my time, always give back and volunteer.
• He taught me how to venture outside my backyard and learn about other cultures, and ways of life.
• He taught me it’s ok to try bad things, just don’t make a habit out of it. Like when I tried smoking at eight years old and he then bought me a pack of Craven A’s for a Kibbitz! Again, if you don’t know what Kibbitz means, Google it.
• He taught me how to always see my glass as half full, and how to SMILE.

Dad, you are my confidante, my mentor, my inspiration. I hope you now realize what you mean to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For EVERYTHING.

Enjoy the trip down memory lane…

Trying to get me to eat

Such a close family. Me upset about SOMETHING!

My Wedding Day... Look how my dad is looking at me

My Wedding Day Again... Oh Boy.

Me and my dad!

Always Bonding

Happy 65th birthday Dad, and Happy April Fool’s Day to all. Remember to keep your pranks clean. (Oh yeah, and he likes birthday wishes, so feel free to leave him one here. Don’t tell him I said so).

xoxEDxox

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Whenever March 12th rolls around (my husband’s birthday), I always know it’s time for me to take stock of my life. It’s the time I start sweeping out the cobwebs; literally and figuratively. Winter’s snow melts away, and all the things you have been ignoring in your life, start to present themselves again. Aaah, I forgot about you! Spring is a great time to deal with these things head-on.  And that’s not a bad thing– spring is about rebirth, renewal, regeneration.

Because March 12th, my husband’s birthday, always reminds me of this ‘life spring cleaning,’  I wanted to take a moment to honor him today. Here is a video I made for my hubby last year on Father’s Day. Hilly Diamond, enjoy this. Thank you for always being so close by my side. I love you now and forever.

And now, back to spring. Spring is a chance to clean up your house, literally and figuratively. There’s more to house cleaning than just cleaning out your basement and cedar closet.  You should be approaching your spring cleaning as an emotional cleanse, just as much as a physical cleanse. What dust-balls are lurking in the corner in your life?? Gotta clean up, ladies!

Here are some tips to get you off the fence, and start spring cleaning your life:

• Sweep out the old. We all have garbage in our lives we need to get rid of, from bad habits, to negative personality traits, to toxic relationships.   If you’ve been carrying around all this crap, it’s time to open the door, and sweep it out of your life.
• Wash away procrastination. Do you constantly find yourself behind the 8 ball, trying to catch up, and keep up? Plan ahead. No more putting off tomorrow what you can do today. Look at your calendar and get organized! Procrastination leads to stress, and who wants added stress in their life? Stop waiting until the last minute for everything. I am often guilty of this, but I’m working on it.
• Dust off that attitude! Instead of always moping about what you DON’T have, be grateful for what you DO have! We’re all guilty of sometimes letting our attitudes get the best of us. A positive attitude is a must. Get outside for a walk, or head to the gym. It often refocuses us. Things often don’t look as bad once you’ve regrouped.
• Clean up your finances. Do you have unopened bills sitting on your desk? Are you falling behind in your payments? It’s not too late. Now’s the time to be proactive. Sit down, close the door, and start cleaning up your desk and your finances! Seek financial advice if you’re too overwhelmed to start making a change alone. Make a list of priorities and tackle them one at a time. Living with financial concerns is a reality for most everyone, but there are ways you can improve your finances and get them in check.
• Clean Up Your Marriage. Do you feel the lines of communication have broken down in your relationship? If so, this needs to be attended to pronto. Ask a parent or friend to take your kids, and make a date with your significant other. Reconnect. TALK. Discuss the issues that have been tearing you apart. There is no better time than now to clean up your relationship and work toward a more blissful marriage. Come to think of it, our date night last Saturday night was the first time we were alone in over a month. We were due.
• Start small. If you’re so overwhelmed like most people are when it comes to spring cleaning your house and your life, START SMALL! Make a list of everything that bothers you, and that needs attending to. Both in your house and your life. A great idea is to get rid of one thing per week on your list. As your start to cross those things off your list, you’ll start to feel lighter. Also, on a house cleaning note: THINK BEFORE YOU BUY. Do you really need that extra WHATEVER??

So ladies, spring is almost in the air! The flowers are on their way. Clean up your house. Clean up your life. Make a list, and get started. What are you waiting for?

Tell us, what’s on your spring cleaning ‘to-do’ list? Putting it out there holds you accountable and keeps you on track.

xoxEDxox

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I’m a sap. I’m a sucker. I’m a hopeless romantic. Yup. I’m all those things when it comes to love and Valentine’s Day.  After almost TWENTY YEARS with my man, (wow I feel old), even on the days I contemplate murder, I can honestly say, we always make the time for passion in our marriage. But even couples in love need to change things up sometimes. Need a little spice. Need a little help to keep the plug sparked and charged.

Today, if you have been feeling distant from your partner, today I encourage you to reconnect. To let thoughts of anger, fall by the wayside. To forgive and come together. To decide that today, you will find passion. Today, you will BE passion. Playful and fun. If you are in a new relationship, this probably comes a lot easier to you than to us oldies who have been DOING the same person for many years, and may need to work a little harder. And finally, if you are alone today on Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to rediscover YOURSELF today, and be good to yourself. If not today, when?

Today is for love and lovers, and it never hurts to get in the spirit.

A few tips on how to keep the passion alive this Valentine’s day:

1. It’s all in the detail.

Today, make the time for your partner. Whether it’s preparing a seductive playlist for tonight, or getting the candles ready in your bedroom, or the perfect outfit he finds attractive. Yesterday, I bought beautiful lingerie, special for tonight. I can’t wait to sample it! Pay close attention to detail today. CREATE the atmosphere. It will make your partner feel special, and you in turn, will feel the love as well.

2. Say Yes.

For all the times you say no. No because you’re too tired. No because you’re overworked- in motherhood or life. No to something your partner likes. Today, say YES. Just try it. You have no idea where the YES may take you.

3. Passion Thankfully Isn’t Expensive

You don’t need an expensive meal or a dozen roses to find the passion in your relationship today. Just doing things differently– cooking a romantic dinner after the kids go to sleep, taking a hot bath together tonight, or sending your man X-rated photos of yourself throughout the day to get him in the mood, will do wonders! Today isn’t about spending money. It’s about appreciating each other. That don’t cost a thing.

4. Revisit what first brought you together

After years of wear and tear, kids, work, money stress, redundancy, couples can sometimes look at each other, and feel as if they are looking at a stranger. Often it takes a little gratitude, appreciation, and reminding yourself of what drew you together in the first place, to bring you back.

5. Commit to creativity

Decide right here and now, you’re doin‘ things differently today. There’ s no better way to get your partner excited than to tell them NOW, it’s ain’t gonna be the way it always is. Today, commit to trying new things. Remember, sexplorations are safe and fun between two loving and committed people. Think CREATIVELY. NO MISSIONARY POSITION TONIGHT! Need I say more?

6. Laugh and be playful

Our most romantic and passionate nights start off when we have laughed together. When we are enjoying each others’ company as two playful partners. Go see a ROM-COM (romantic comedy) tonight if you can find a babysitter. Your night doesn’t have to be this big, sexy, wild evening. Laughing with each other can be the biggest aphrodisiac.

Yes, that is us alright.

7. Ask and you shall receive

Today is not the day to be inhibited. If you have wanted to slow dance to music in your bedroom, ASK. If you have wanted your husband to do something to you in the bedroom, well ASK! Ask and you shall receive. But, give a little too today. I came across a quote I thought was good for Valentine’s Day:

“Save some of your best self each day for your spouse. Do not give them the leftovers.”

Well said. Of course it goes both ways.

Wow, here we were, married only one year. How time has flown.

Obviously, relationships are complex. They time time, work, effort and mutual respect and appreciation. The above are not fixes for relationships who are in need of real marital help. Today was meant to inspire you on Valentine’s Day. I hope that if you’re able to reconnect for today, the effects will be long-lasting.

I’d love you to share, what are YOUR tips that have kept the passion alive in YOUR relationship. Also, what are your Valentine’s Day plans?

xoxEDxox

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