WomenOnTheFence.com » Motherhood

The Race To Have It All

Erica Diamond — Tue, 22 May 2012 15:46:26 +0000

Has there ever been a more pressure-filled time than now to be a child growing up in North America? I almost think not.

I was at the gym today, and was chit-chatting with another mom I hadn’t seen in a while. We caught up in our lives, and she asked me what my boys are doing this summer. I proceeded to tell her that my 5 year old son is going back to his day camp and hockey camp at the end of the summer. And that my older 8 year old son was going to sleepaway camp, up until last month, when we cancelled.

She then said to me, “You did the right thing, Erica. Besides, why are we in such a rush today to push our kids into everything?”

I told her about his adamant request to go to sleepaway camp this summer, at end of 3rd grade. Despite the fact that my husband and I felt he wasn’t emotionally ready, we didn’t deny his request. We visited the open house this winter, and he loved it. It was also the camp where his mommy and daddy met, and how cool that he’d be going there too! We asked him, “You’re ready, buddy?” He replied, “I love it. I’m so ready.” He begged us, and we happily complied. Our boy was growing up!

And, oh was he proud. When people asked him what he was doing this summer, he beamed. Sleepaway camp!

But in the end, it was all too much. He began to have recurring bad dreams and anxiety about camp. Perhaps we should have forbidden him to go in the first place, knowing he wasn’t ready this year. But that is not our way. We wanted to allow HIM to make his own decision, and spread his own wings. After another bad dream one night, I quietly asked him, “Are you sure you’re ready for sleepaway camp? It’s more than okay if you are not, sweetheart. It’s okay to sit this summer out. We will be proud of you and support your decision, either way.” I gave him a few weeks to think about it and decide.

And just a few weeks ago, he came up to me one day, “Mom, I am not ready for sleepaway camp.”

And just like that, he was a new person.

I breathed a sigh of relief, because I knew in my heart he really wasn’t ready. But the truth is, my husband and I would NOT have picked him up had he been homesick this summer. We wouldn’t. And the proof of that is right here. It’s not about tough love. It’s about the commitment. I was raised, that when you make a commitment, you see it through. And thankfully, my husband and I are a unified front when it comes to quitting.We both feel that when you make that commitment, you keep your word. It is character building and important. I knew in my heart that this summer would have been a total bust had he gone. But I didn’t put my foot down, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I let him lead the way. And in the end, I believe allowing him to make his own final decision was the best thing for him.

So, we’re sitting this summer out, and next year, he will be a full year older, more mature, and better prepared. We’ll reassess.

On a side note, read these. These were MY sleepaway camp letter when I was his age. Let’s pray to God he doesn’t follow in his mom’s footsteps.

——————————————————————————————————————–

I SCREEM.

——————————————————————————————————————–

If I send MANY WISHES, maybe THAT will work! Maybe they’ll come pick me up.

——————————————————————————————————————–

I cried 29 times, but PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO SEND GIFTS!

——————————————————————————————————————–

THEY AREN’T BRINGING ME HOME. I CAN SEE IT NOW. SO, LET’S SEND THE THREAT MAIL. NO “LOVE, ERICA” ANYMORE.

Then I ran away. No joke.

Ok, I know you’re dying from laughter now. Just imagine my mother. I was a frikkin’ nightmare.

But in all seriousness, what is with our society and the race to give our children everything, too quickly? My son is pretty much one of his only friends not going to sleepaway camp this summer. At 8 years old, he is just not ready to leave us for the summer. Why is this a bad thing?

And I’ll take it one step further. Why do we give our kids electronics at such a young age, often before they’re developmentally ready? I’m guilty. Why did I give in to basketball, swimming, hockey, and baseball, all for this spring season? Again, guilty. Why is sleepaway camp at 8 a must (as it is for many kids in my community)? Why do parents I know give their children extra summer reading to stay ahead of the game, instead of the summer off to relax and enjoy being a kid? Why are my son’s peers doing extra off-ice hockey training? Why are parents redshirting their kids at record numbers, for that competitive advantage? Why are anxiety and depression at record highs in children and teens due to the extreme pressures they feel trying to keep up with the curriculum, and social pressures? Why are kids smoking, doing drugs and having sex at younger ages than ever?

What is with the race to have everything and DO everything so soon? I ask you? I just feel like it’s a race to expose our kids, and push our kids to be smart, athletic and all-around great, at a very young age.

So today, I ask you, what do you make of this race to have it all? Am I completely off base? Have you been guilty of pushing your kids into something too soon? Is it all too much pressure? Should I have forced my son to go this summer? I’m often on the fence between ‘When is it pushing too hard, and when should you push in order to not raise a quitter? I would really love your take on all of this- are we pushing our kids too hard, too soon?

xoxEDxox

Why It’s Good To Fail (VIDEO)

Erica Diamond — Wed, 16 May 2012 13:05:19 +0000

I have just come off of a great run of speaking engagements from the past few weeks. Most recently, this weekend I was the closing Keynote Speaker for the Women’s Entrepreneurship Conference in Saskatchewan, and yesterday, I spoke at the famous 140 / State of Now Conference (Social Media Twitter Conference that travels around the world). My topic: Why it’s Good To Fail.

I encourage you to watch my talk. It is only 10 minutes.

Have you ever failed?

No one likes to talk about failure, but what I know as truth, is that it’s a prerequisite for success. It’s homework for living.

xoxEDxox

6 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Spicy

Erica Diamond — Mon, 14 May 2012 14:04:30 +0000

By Guest Blogger Laurie Gerber

I’ve been with my husband for 18 years and so far neither of us has cheated. We have something really great, but if you read my blog, you’d know it wasn’t always so good. We had our troubles and issues in our marriage, same as all couples. I will tell you that it is what we chose to do about our issues, that has kept our love thriving and our marriage hot. Prepare to change your thinking!

People get frustrated with keeping love alive, partly because they’ve been conditioned by movies and common culture to believe that with the “right” person, all the romance and spark will appear “naturally.” I teach a different story. Love and romance usually come easily when we’re young or when the relationship is young. After that, it takes work. Don’t view that as an injustice or a burden, but rather an opportunity to grow up and take charge of your life.

First, accept that it is your job to keep love and intimacy alive (for your happiness and to prevent cheating), and that it’s a privilege and a fun game to do so. Then, use my tips below to figure out what’s missing and how to build your relationship. Hint! It’s mainly about regular, open communication and connection. But I don’t want to spoil the surprise, so read on!

1. Give your spouse the power to please you sexually and otherwise.

It’s really important that your partner pleases you and knows that he does. Many people withhold pleasure on purpose, as a way to control their partner, or get back at their partner. We learned this at a young age when we’d throw a tantrum to try and get candy or attention from our parents. Withholding your happiness until you get what you want will only get you a messy, teary power struggle where name-calling and blaming will occur.

For years, I used this tactic on my husband. Not just sexually, but everywhere. He couldn’t drive right, do chores right, have conversations right, or “loosen me up” in bed. How convenient that my satisfaction was all HIS problem and failure. Once I grew up about this, I made my happiness and pleasure MY challenge to solve, and then life got much better for both of us. I now know it’s my job to like what my husband does, or find a great and graceful way to tweak it.

You get more bees with honey. This goes for your marriage too.

2. Make regular time together and treat it as sacred.

Every night, during regular face time with my husband, we have a ritual of asking questions that are designed to cause intimacy. We share things like: what we’re proud of in our marriage, successes, connections with others, when we played the victim, what we love about the other, what bad traits came up and everything we don’t want to say. We also re-assess our wedding vows and rewrite them every year on our anniversary, and then we give ourselves grades on how we are doing at keeping them each week during our nightly ritual.

This year, I promised to listen more deeply than ever and to consciously enjoy our marriage more. He promised to make eye contact and better manage his time for the sake of our family. See? We invent new and fun conversations about life, and our love, that are just ours, and that is what keeps us connected. (And you can, too.)

Connection is the road to all things great in your marriage.

3. Respect each other sexuality.

My husband is allowed to like what he likes sexually, so there is no sneaking. Even if I don’t want to do everything he likes (and vice versa), there is no shaming about any of it. Those topics are sacred and protected. If that is not the case in your partnership, please take a good hard look at why not. I had to do plenty of work on myself to understand that I am not the same as my partner, I don’t have to be, and none of it is personal (unless it is).

4. Make your spouse your HERO.

I am now in the business of finding what I love about my partner rather than focusing on what doesn’t work. I like to catch him being my hero. Whatever quality you want to see more of in your partner, start seeing it, and acknowledging it. I recommend you write down all the times you “catch” what you want to see.

5. Get involved in each other’s lives.

Do you know what your partner does with his/her time? Are you talking about it? Do you know his hobbies, interests, what he does when he’s not at work or with you? My husband and I are intimately involved in each other’s lives and we like that. Naturally, you do not have to have the same preferences or spend all your time together, but please think something is fishy if there are weird gaps in communication or understanding of what your partner’s life is like. Please do not persist in denial. Accountability and integrity are key ingredients to a successful relationship.

6. Have sex.

Here is the final, most important way to keep a marriage hot: have sex! My husband and I have promises about how frequently we have sex. I really recommend it. Don’t let the cliché of sex fading with marriage become true (or truer) in your relationship. Cut it out!! Lie back down in bed (or anywhere!) with that person you loved enough that you committed to him or her. Just get back on the bike and ride; it really does come back to you. Do NOT wait to be “in the mood.”

Growing up means causing what you want in your life, not waiting for it to magically happen. It is not a bad thing that relationships take work– the best things in life require real effort to make them flourish. May you consider this a blessed opportunity when it comes to keeping love alive and your marriage or partnership hot.

~Laurie

–

About Laurie Gerber…

Laurie Gerber is President of Handel Group® Life Coaching and a Senior Coach. Laurie’s personal and professional mission is to change the world by teaching people to tell the truth and pursue their dreams. Her MTV True Life tv show debut and weekly teleseminar subscription Wake up Your Week are her current favorite modalities. When she’s not busy clearing out clients’ excuses and running the company, she also indulges herself by enjoying precious moments with her husband and two daughters.

–

What are your thoughts here? I am sometimes on the fence about how much I should give, without expectations or being resentful if I don’t get what I need. Did anything here resonate for you? Do you agree with Laurie? How do YOU keep the passion alive in your marriage? Share YOUR secrets to a blissful marriage, or your frustrations. Laurie will be reading.

xoxEDxox

A Letter To My Mother

Erica Diamond — Fri, 11 May 2012 13:45:07 +0000

Sunday is the day we honor mothers everywhere. For some, Mother’s Day is a day to rejoice. For others, it’s a sad and difficult day, as many will celebrate this Mother’s Day without a mom. While still for others, it’s a dreaded day filled with tension and perhaps regret of what could have been. I recall two years ago, I was at Walmart buying cards for my mother and mother-in-law, and next to me, there was a beautiful woman in her thirties also shopping for cards. We looked at each other and said, “Not a great selection, huh?” But then I found something really nice, and I said to her, “Hey, look at this one. It’s a nice one,” to which she replied, “Oh no, I can’t stand my mother.”

This year, I would like to pay tribute to a special woman. My mother. She has devoted herself whole-heartedly to our family, and today, I honor her.

Mom,

It feels like just yesterday I was your little girl. Your only child. All my memories, as far back as I can remember, are of the two of us. You and me, sitting at our small kitchen table, eating foods that really no one ate back then. Whole wheat bread, organic fruits, all healthy things. I remember saying, “Why do I always have to eat healthy food?” To which you replied, “It will make you grow big, strong and smart. And one day, you will also feed these foods to your own kids.”

Little did I know you were right.

The house was quiet. Daddy was working. Hunting for our family. And all I remember is us always… TALKING. Maybe that’s why I became a businesswoman and speaker. We just always… TALKED. Nothing was off limits. Cigarettes– we talked through. Body image– we talked through. Drugs– we talked through. We even talked about sex. Repression was not a word in our vocabulary. We never let anything slide under the rug, and we dealt with problems head-on. We ripped off band aids and dealt with the wounds. Right to the core. Raw.

I was a good girl. I was. Despite the few mishaps here and there- bringing boys to my room too late at night (remember that? Daddy asked if I was prostituting), or smoking with Caroline the babysitter at 8 years old. Despite these MINOR INCIDENCES, I was pretty good. And you didn’t scold me for experimenting.

At every stage in my life, you have been my biggest cheerleader. Through the good – me as a prima ballerina for 17 years, good grades in school, marriage to my best friend, the birth to my boys. And then, through the bad – break ups with boyfriends, my failure to get into MBA School, disappointments. You always showed me unconditional love. It has been this, that has made me flourish.

We also laughed. A lot. I still remember lying in my bed at night trying to sleep, hearing the sound of your cackling laughter. You watched Three’s Company religiously, and I can still hear Jack Tripper’s voice in my head shouting, “Jaaaaanet!” You let me stay up ’till 10 o’clock Thursday AND Friday nights to watch Dynasty and Dallas (my favorite shows) when none of my friends were staying up that late. And you let me BLARE Laura Branigan’s “Gloria” on my 45 record player even though you hated the loud noise. We had great times, and we continue to share great times together.

So today, as I reflect upon the past 37 years of being your daughter, I feel so lucky. Lucky to have been born into the bosom of infinite love, dedication, closeness and respect. I only hope that one day, my children will look up to me, as I have looked up to you, as a role model and mentor. And I only hope that they grow up with the confidence and self esteem I have grown up with, because of the way you nurtured me.

With love and gratitude.

Mom, enjoy this video…

I would like to wish a very Happy Mother’s Day to my incredibly devoted mother-in-law, who has role modeled for me, the importance of family. I love you and am so grateful for you. And to ALL Moms everywhere, a very Happy Mother’s Day. We are definitely a tribe, and it does take a village to raise a child. Whether you’re a first time mom, or this is your first mother’s day without your mom, I wish you love and many blessings, and lots of laughter. Enjoy the moment, and I hope someone spoils you on Sunday.

And tell us, what does Mother’s Day mean to you? How will you be celebrating on Sunday? What are YOUR memories of your mother? Today is a day to celebrate women. Honor your mom by telling us what she means to you.

xoxEDxox

Wordless Wednesday: Guilt

Erica Diamond — Wed, 09 May 2012 11:51:42 +0000

This is my boy. He is good and sick. I am getting on a plane in 24 hours to fly to Saskatchewan for a keynote speaking engagement. It’s bad enough that I’m missing his parent teacher interviews for the first time ever (hubby is going without me). Now this. I feel like the worst mother on the planet leaving.

So, today, instead of providing strength to my community, I will be needing strength FROM my community.

Send hugs, coffee and a speedy recovery.

And wishes for no puke- I’m not good with the puke.

Signed,

Guilty Mom

The Liz Lange Interview: Her Maternity Empire, Motherhood, and More

Erica Diamond — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 14:35:15 +0000

Liz, I’m thrilled to have you, a savvy entrepreneur and mom grace our blog. I don’t think Liz Lange Maternity needs much introduction– most of our mom readers know this well-known, fantastic brand. I loved my Liz Lange Maternity clothes when I was pregnant- comfort, style, affordability. Please tell us the story of how Liz Lange Maternity was born.

I never intended to be a fashion designer or an entrepreneur. I graduated from Brown with a BA in Comparative Literature. And after working at Vogue for a few years, I left to go work for a struggling fashion designer whose work I admired. While there, and in my 20s, my friends started to get pregnant (I myself was not pregnant, but I was newly married and it was that time in my life.) They all had the same complaint– that they couldn’t find anything that they liked to wear while pregnant (This was 1996 – maternity apparel landscape was very, very different!)

I noticed 2 things that led to my aha moment: my friends were spending (they had no choice, nothing in their closets fit!) So I knew that pregnant women were definitely spending on their maternity wardrobes, and they were spending on items they didn’t like. And two, that they looked much better when squeezed into a stretch tight non-maternity outfit than in an oversized traditional maternity outfit. So I thought, “I get it, maternity clothing needs to be fitted and stretchy and women will buy it because they will like it and they will actually look great.”

Believe it or not, stretch fabric was new to the market place in the mid 90s, so my idea was to create a line based entirely on stretch fabrics. Today we take it for granted that everything from our jeans to our jackets stretches, but back then only sweaters and tee shirts stretched.

Liz Lange Maternity

I didn’t consider myself a designer, so I excitedly told the fashion designer I was working for at the time, that I had the idea that would save his business. He didn’t get it (actually no one did, because maternity clothing as fashion wasn’t even a category back then.) I couldn’t get the idea out of my mind and finally realized that I had to do it. I left and started a tiny made-to-order business mostly for friend. But word spread quickly, and the business grew beyond my wildest dreams.

Liz Lange Maternity

Was it something you knew early on would take off? What pitfalls did you encounter along the way. What were the challenges and how did you overcome them? And for a woman thinking of starting her own business, what would be some advice you would give her?

I did believe it was a good idea but no, I never expected that one day I would have Liz Lange flagship stores on Madison Avenue, in Beverly Hills and in Long Island. Or that I would dress every pregnant celebrity or that I would partner with Nike to make Liz Lange for Swoosh maternity athletic apparel and then partner with Target (Liz Lange for Target is and has been the exclusive maternity offerings at every Target location and Target.com for the past decade.)

But of course there were challenges along the way. The greatest was just having the courage to start my own business! What I now know that I didn’t know then, was that before someone does something new, no one ever thinks it’s a good idea. You need to have the strength to shut out the naysayers, and proceed with your idea in the face of a lot of negativity. That is just the plight of the entrepreneur since you are seeing the invisible. The other challenge is that the negative forces are not just external. As women, we seem hardwired sometimes to doubt ourselves and be overly critical of ourselves. You need to be your own best friend and cheerleader. Seek out advice.

Before I started Liz Lange Maternity, I reached out to anyone and everyone whom I could think of that I thought could be helpful in any way. I offered to come to their office, take them to coffee, lunch, dinner, whatever just for the chance to pick their brains. Don’t be shy, people are for the most part happy to help. I know that I am always thrilled if I can offer advice to a new entrepreneur in the making.

Get the word out about your new business. This is not the time to be shy or extravagant. You can’t afford a marketing person/Publicity agent at the beginning. You need to call the magazines, editors, writers, etc. to try to get press on what you are doing (no one can tell your story more compellingly than you can), and with social media today, there is no excuse not to be out there shouting about your new company from the rooftops!

Many mompreneurs wrestle with the decision of partner, or no partner. The idea of having another person to share the rewards with, but also the burdens with, can be very helpful. Do you suggest women should find a partner when starting their own business?

To have a partner or not to have one is an extremely personal decision. I decided to go it alone as I felt the idea was mine and I wanted full ownership and control. That said, the RIGHT partner, someone who has a skill set complementary to yours can be fantastic.

What were some of the highs and fun moments in your life and career? What were some of those highlights and the moments where you really got to enjoy your success?

Personally, of course the birth of my son (now 13) and my daughter (now 11) were the happiest days of my life. I have loved every second of being an entrepreneur. Steve Jobs once said “There is no greater rush than being in the small boat. You feel every wave and every bump, and you can change course on a dime.” I have loved feeling every bump.

I guess some of my favorite moments in no particular order, were the first write up about my new business, which was in the NY Times when I was still just making clothing to order out of a closet sized office. And when Nike called and said they wanted to partner with me on a line of maternity athletic apparel. And then when Target asked me to be their maternity design partner. Of course opening my first flagship boutique in my hometown of NYC on our most famous shopping street, Madison Avenue was incredible. And doing the first ever maternity fashion show at Bryant Park during NY’s fashion week back in 2001 was a real high. Doing the Oprah show as amazing. And then having offers to sell my brand and ultimately selling it in 2007 felt like a big accomplishment.

Liz Lange on The Oprah Show

How do you balance career and womanhood? Any tricks you care to share with our readers on how to manage the juggle?

I am always juggling and it is never easy. I try to prioritize and be as present as I can be, wherever I am. So if I’m with my children, I try to really be with them (and not on my blackberry or thinking about work) and when I am at work, I try to just focus on that.

Believe me, I am often on my Blackberry when I shouldn’t be, or dashing out of a meeting late to pick up the kids somewhere. My best time saving trick is to plan what I am going to wear to work the evening before (kind of like how we lay out our kids’ clothes to avoid stress in the morning.) I also try and keep my top beauty products out on my bathroom vanity so that everything is in sight, and very streamlined.

I know I wrestled with the right moment to sell my company. When did you know? How did you know? Was there a defining moment?

Selling a business is a bit like starting a business– I am not sure that you will ever feel that the time is right! You just have to follow your gut and do what feels right. For me, it was getting an offer that made sense to me at the time, and that would allow me to monetize the success of the brand. I also felt that my children were getting older and I wanted to be able to spend more time with them. These decisions are so personal.

Selling a business is very bittersweet. At least for me it was. The business was my baby (actually my first baby as I started it before my children were born.) I can’t imagine not being involved with it, so although I sold it, I stayed on, and remain the face of the brand and the Creative Director.

Tell us about your latest venture Shopafrolic.com. Do you ever stop creating, Liz?

One of the nice things about selling my business, was that it did free up some of my time and allow me to pursue some other creative ventures. Working with my talented, beautiful and chic sister had always been a dream of mine and now I could. Together we started a fun shopping e-newsletter called Shopafrolic.com.

Each day, we email a clothing, accessory or beauty item that we love and we do a ‘she said, she said’ on how to wear it, why we like it, etc… We link to where you can buy it and we often do a “separated at worth,” where we pair the item with one that looks just like it but is either much more or much less expensive.

I also started my first ever NON maternity clothing line, Completely Me by Liz Lange, which I sell exclusively on air and online at the Home Shopping Network, HSN.com.

I love to ask my interviewees.. What are the top 3 things on your Bucket List?

Hmm, bucket list, so much I still want to do!

1. Travel as much as possible with my children, I want them to see everything! I am a ‘life is a buffet’ type person.

2. Write a book about my story and entrepreneurism in general.

3. Start a jewelry line. I LOVE jewelry…

–

I would love to know your thoughts. Isn’t Liz a dynamo? I think she also gave us some sage advice on business startup. Feel free to leave Liz a comment or question… she’ll be reading!

Have a wonderful weekend, my friends.

xoxEDxox

23 Secrets To Improve Your Life

Erica Diamond — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 10:55:32 +0000

I don’t even know where to begin. I am still on a high after a magnificent weekend with my mom in Toronto attending Oprah’s Lifeclass Tour. So many of you have tweeted me and Facebooked me asking for all the juicy details. So today will be a mixed bowl of those details, life lessons, and what I learned. Hold on tight, and come along with me on a ride of fun and education…

It all started Sunday. My husband was leaving on a business trip, and I was leaving for Toronto. We kissed our two boys goodbye, and headed to the airport for our respective flights. Walking in, I had to laugh. My mom and I showed up at the airport in the exact same outfit, completely unplanned. Quite typical of us. We were excited, and off on our first mother-daughter trip in almost a decade!

Mom and I at the airport en route to our mother-daughter getaway

After being delayed 2 1/2 hours, we finally touched down in Toronto. No kids for two days. Only one person to care for- myself. I gotta admit, it was nice. I missed afternoon tea with the OWN Network. They had graciously invited me, but my delayed flight prevented me from attending.

Mom and I had dinner, went to bed early Sunday night, knowing that the doors opened at 7am.

We woke up Monday morning EXCITED! We were goin’ to Oprah baby!! I tweeted to Miss O that morning.

“Show day! Out of the shower and getting ready for #OinTO at 7:30! Woo hoo!! @Oprah @IyanlaVanzant @tonyrobbins @DeepakChopra exciting!” – @WomenOnTheFence

If I tell you, I tweet Oprah ALL.THE.TIME to no reply. But all of a sudden, BING, Twitter reply.

OPRAH TWEETED ME!!

And with that tweet, we were off to the convention center. It was 6:50 in the morning, and we walked down the street to Starbucks for a quick breakfast to go. It was as if Oprah Winfrey owned Front Street. Women EVERYWHERE, all going to see Oprah.

At Starbucks before Lifeclass

After a lineup around MANY blocks, we were inside. My mom was immediately snapping pictures. She couldn’t get enough.

We then entered the auditorium. 8,500 women in one room is nothing to sneeze about. We were guided to our seats- 4th row center. GULP!

The electricity, the synergy, the buzz in the room was palpable. Everyone was there by choice, not out of necessity, to learn and to self-improve. It felt as if this was a sacred place, a place to be your authentic self. That was the bond that connected all of us. And you could feel it. 8,500 women thirsty for a better life. Thirsty for transformation and change. How cool.

And with that feeling, the day began. They called the first speaker to the stage– a great Canadian entrepreneur and philanthropist, and star of the hit show, Dragon’s Den. Low and behold, it was my buddy Brett Wilson! I had no idea he was going to be there, so when he took the stage, I waved to him. Next thing I know, he called out in front of the entire crowd, “Oh wow, there’s Erica Diamond!” In the words of Fifty Shades of Grey, I flushed scarlet. I ducked in my seat.

Next we heard from four incredible teachers, for about thirty minutes each: Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Iyanla Vanzant and Bishop TJ Jakes. Alright, I expected Tony Robbins to be like a used car salesman. But if I tell you, HIS TALK WAS LIFE CHANGING. He was by far my favorite speaker. If you haven’t read his books or attended his conferences, I urge you to do so. This guy is the real deal.

The set

All four speakers taught us some incredible life lessons. I wanted to share them with you. Here they are in no particular order:

“We’re all born with infinite potential and creativity. We all have it in us. Each and every one of us. That’s the only truth”- Deepak Chopra
“The 3 things you can offer your children to change them: attention, appreciation and affection.” – Deepak Chopra
“None of us are imprisoned emotional or mentally unless we allow ourselves to be.” -Iyanla Vanzant
“Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes for you.” – Tony Robbins
“Change your state, change your happiness. We use drugs, sex, eating, smoking, drinking to change our state. You don’t need to this.” – Tony Robbins
“Wanna keep your marriage in that same state of bliss you felt at the beginning? Then, DO you what you did at the beginning of your relationship -you gave everything to this person. Do those things again and you will see the change and the reconnection with your partner.” -Tony Robbins
“Your story is what blocks you from your breakthrough. We believe the stories we tell ourself over and over again.” -Tony Robbins
“We all have our own story. And we stay attached to our story. This can stop us from growing and living. You wanna make your life better? Change your story, change your life.” -Tony Robbins
“When you fail at something, you say you’ve tried everything cuz that makes you feel better. How have you really tried everything? If you had, you woulda found a solution. Bullshit!” – Tony Robbins
“You get what you tolerate.” -Tony Robbins (ONE OF MY FAVORITES OF THE DAY!)
“Success leaves clues. Go figure out what someone who was successful did, and model it. Improve it, but learn their steps. They have knowledge.” – Tony Robbins
“No one talks about failure. Let’s talk about it. Why did you fail? I always hear “resources” as the excuse- not enough time, money, energy, technology. People blame resources as the excuse for failure. It’s not the lack of resources that cause failure, it’s the lack of resourcefulness that causes failure. Resourcefulness is the cure to failure. Successful people are resourceful and find a way to make it work.” -Tony Robbins (MY SECOND FAVORITE OF THE DAY).
“Decisions and not conditions determine your destiny. Your biography is NOT your destiny. Rather it’s your DECISIONS that create your destiny.” – Tony Robbins (And he used Oprah as a powerful example that her past, her story, did not get in the way of her destiny. Rather it was her life choices that changed her course. ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES).
“The path of least resistance is the path with no joy, no growth.” -Tony Robbins
“Common sense is not common. If you’re not doing it, it’s not common.” -Tony Robbins (SO TRUE).
“Leap and the net will appear.” – Oh I so believe this!!
“How well you manage problems determines how far you go.” – Bishop TJ Jakes
“It’s the things that go wrong that make you better.” - Bishop TJ Jakes
“Act like you know you’re golden.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant. (as she danced down the aisles. Loved her).
“Embrace the truth. Speak the truth. Be the truth. When we welcome the truth, we live our lives like it’s golden.” -Iyanla Vanzant
“Tell the truth to yourself, about yourself. No one ever died from telling the truth. We often don’t tell the truth. You gotta tell the truth as soon as you know it. -Iyanla Vanzant
“Tell the truth in a way that’s kind.” -Iyanla Vanzant
“Challenges are there to make you more aware of your inner purpose.” -Deepak Chopra

And after 2 hours of incredible learning, my Oprah took the stage. Chills. Goosebumps. Tears.

She began telling us how thankful she was for all her fans, how she had been reading all the tweets and Facebook postings. She then said, “One girl wrote to me this morning that she just got out of the shower and was excited for Lifeclass.” I don’t know what made me blurt out, and LOUD, “THAT WAS ME!!!!!” Oprah then laughed and said, ”Are you serious? WAIT, YES, IT WAS YOU! And you look just like your picture!” Again, I flushed scarlet.

And then, my Twitter was a buzzing… “Did Oprah just call you out from the stage?” Or “Was Oprah just talking to you?” Then Adam Glassman, creative director of Oprah Magazine tweeted me “Was that just YOU xoxo?” Andrea Wishom, EVP of Harpo Studios wrote, ”Hey! Just saw your cute moment with @Oprah just now! “You look JUST like your picture!” Have fun!”" or “Saw you on the live streaming of Lifeclass. So cool!!! Is it as great as it seems?” Or “Oprah is talking to Erica Diamond. She must be on cloud 9!” They kept coming in.

All fun stuff.

Then, it was time to film Lifeclass. Our episode of Lifeclass on Gratitude was about to be broadcasted live around the world. The curtain went up, and there they appeared.

From left to right: Iyanla Vanzant, Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins, Bishop TJ Jakes, Oprah Winfrey

It was a brilliant hour. Our episode will be the season finale, and will air on April 30th.

Here were some other great highlights of the day….

Me and Maya Watson, Marketing Manager of Harpo

The brilliant Tony Robbins

Iyanla Vanzant dancing!

Deepak Chopra

Erik Logan and one of my favorites, Sheri Salata sharing some OWN news

This photo was shot was 1 minute after I met Oprah. Hello Bucket List!

By the stage.

On stage, flashing one of my tweets

Oprah talking' to us

This woman's story had everyone in tears

People Skyping in to speak to the experts

Me and mom in the audience

Oprah in my row watching the stage

Thank you all for tuning in!

So after a heavy 6 hours of learning, my mom and I walked back to our hotel, put on our running shoes, and explored Toronto. It was almost 90 degrees, and we ended up at a great Italian restaurant outside- wine, pasta, and lots of conversation and reflections about the day. About our lives. About expectations, disappointments, celebrations, breakthroughs, and challenges.

We walked back to our hotel, showered, and there we were- both in our own beds, on our own Macs watching Lifeclass, in our matching hotel bathrobes. It was quite the sight.

As I laid in my bed, I came to two real realizations… Those experts today were really just preaching to the converted. It’s funny, I find in life that the people who don’t subscribe to spirituality or self-improvement, are usually the ones who need it the most. So, I urge you, if you are suffering in any way, to stop complaining, and take action. Movement no matter how small, in the right direction, is game changing.

And second, Tony Robbins’ concept is really one to embrace. There are really no excuses to failure. Resourcefulness and tenacity will win, every time. I speak from experience. You want something? Stop making excuses why you can’t have it, and start getting resourceful. You’d be surprised just how resourceful and resilient women are.

When we arrived home yesterday, as I got out of the car to run in and see my boys for the first time in 48 hours, my mom took my hand, kissed it gently, and said to me, “These last two days were magical.”

And they really were.

Tell me, I’d love to know if any of the 23 lessons hit home, or if you have any of your own secrets that have improved your life. This is a broad community of women, always looking to get off the fence, and take the jump to their happiness. Share your tips and thoughts.

xoxEDxox

WomenOnTheFence.com » Motherhood

The Race To Have It All

Other articles you might enjoy:

Why It’s Good To Fail (VIDEO)

Other articles you might enjoy:

6 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Spicy

Other articles you might enjoy:

A Letter To My Mother

Other articles you might enjoy:

Wordless Wednesday: Guilt

Other articles you might enjoy:

The Liz Lange Interview: Her Maternity Empire, Motherhood, and More

Other articles you might enjoy:

23 Secrets To Improve Your Life

Other articles you might enjoy: