By Guest Blogger Brooke Menoni

I used to think I had the life. I was a Fashion Director for a national magazine, had private drivers, hair and spa treatments that were paid for, a closet full of designer shoes, front row seats to New York’s Fashion Week, celebrity filled parties and a pay check to match.

But, although from the outside my life seemed exciting and glamorous, it was filled with anxiety, stress, sleepless nights, and a constant need to prove myself to a group of people I cared little about. I knew deep down that this was not the path I was put on this earth to travel and I continually lived in angst trying to figure it all out.

About two years ago, while pregnant with my daughter and a 10 month old at home, our company announced that, due to the economy, our magazine would cease publication that week. While my counterparts around me cried tears of fear and grief, I felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.

You see, that very morning, I gave up trying to figure it all out. While walking to work, I prayed to God to clearly show me if this career was what I should be doing. Less than twenty minutes later, I was out of a job by no choice of my own and left to take a new road.

For the next two months I struggled turning down jobs I knew were great opportunities but knowing my heart wasn’t in it. When I searched my soul I knew I simply wanted to be at home loving my son with everything I had but, because I had spent so many years trying to please everyone but myself, I didn’t feel I deserved to do what I wanted to do.

One day while on the phone with my brother he said something that changed my life. He said, “Brooke, you have the rest of your life to work but, you’ll never get this time back with your kids.” At that moment I knew, I could continue working in a field that brought me material, surface satisfaction or, I could do something my heart longed to do and choose to take the path unknown.

I chose to take the path unknown and, two years later, I can honestly say that it is the best decision I have ever made.

It has been a struggle to feel security and love in a job that doesn’t deliver a pay check, there is no potential for bonuses and awards, and rarely gets a pat on the back. But, it has challenged me to look inside myself for inner peace and security instead of depending on outside sources that will never be able to deliver it.

My life no longer includes Prada shoes, perfectly manicured hands, extravagant dinners and being certain of what the next day will hold.

Instead, my life is full of adventure, exploration and discovery.

Finding true joy in the little things,

Realizing that fears I had buried deep inside are not so scary once brought to the surface,

Discovering that life is truly filled with rainbows but you have to brave the storms to find them,

And, being OK with just being us and just being me. Because there’s truly no other way to be.

Do I miss my old, fabulous life? Every once in a while but, then, I’m brought back to reality with giggles. And not just my kids’ giggles but, my own because, although I still have challenging days that make me second guess myself, I know I’m traveling the path I was meant to take all along. And I’m excited to see where it takes me next.

5 tips that have helped me make the transition from career woman to Domestic Multitasker:

1.  Put your oxygen mask on first.

It is one of the most important operational flight rules and with good reason. If Mommy isn’t taken care of, baby won’t be taken care of.

Don’t neglect yourself. I have a standing pedicure appointment with myself every two weeks and my husband knows he’s on daddy duty. It’s an hour away from my family but I come back a happier mommy. I also wake up an hour and a half before my kids so I can be guaranteed a nice, hot shower, an uninterrupted full cup of steaming coffee and time to do something I love most–read.

You might not be a morning person but carve out time for yourself every day even if its just five minutes. (I give you permission to let your kids watch Gabba gang one more time if it allows you a to catch up on your favorite magazine!)

2.  Speak up.

Many friends have said that they envy my husband because he is a very hands-on dad and will take the kids out on weekends so I can have time alone. But, that didn’t just happen because he read my mind, I spoke up for myself and told him my needs. (This also requires a husband that will listen!)

I feel strongly that parenting is a partnership. Our husbands have a requirement to do their part but, we are guilty if we harbor unresolved feelings and don’t speak up for what we need! And part of this is also asking what their needs are and making sure we are doing our part too.

In addition, ask friends for help. My husband and I live many miles from our families so we have to rely on good friends to help us out and it always makes us feel good to return the favor!

3.  Be careful who you surround yourself with.

My friend Suzanne gave me some great advice that was passed along to her. If you are the only one of your friends whose child is not sleeping through the night then you need to get new friends!

Life is too short to be a competition. Mommies need friends who will build them up and be a support system, not make each other feel inadequate.

4.  Stay connected.

Once you do find good friends, stay connected. If we only picked up the phone to call a friend when the kids weren’t screaming, dinner was made or we weren’t feeling frazzled, we’d never call anyone!

Wouldn’t it be nice if your girlfriend called and said, “Hey, I only have two seconds, I really want two minutes to talk but I just didn’t want to let any more time go without saying I’m thinking about you and miss you. OK, gotta run but sending you a big hug and, if I could afford it, lunch and a spa day just for the two of us!”

Makes you smile right? Stay connected not just for your friends but for yourself too. They need it just as much as you do.

5.  We choose our own way.

Just like you, I don’t want to experience pain and misfortune but, without them, we would also never know the real triumphs and joys (a.k.a rainbows) of life.

Through trials, both big and small, I have learned that I have no control over the events that take place in my life but, we all have full control over how we will respond to and learn from them. And, more times than not, that means being a little more creative in our thinking.

–Brooke Menoni

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I’d love to know your thoughts on this topic? Did YOU trade a career in for motherhood? Are you currently a working mom and dreaming about being a stay-at-home mom? How do we figure out the right path for ourselves? What do you do if you are working out of necessity and not choice? What then? Share with our community.

xoxEDxox

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I have to thank my good girlfriend Allison who forwarded this to me. It is said to have been written by Maya Angelou. She has denied the claim.

I love sharing good wisdom every few Wednesdays. I think this is powerful.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own even if she never wants
to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her
dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black
lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who
lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone
else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a
recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and when to walk away…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t
take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…

–

I’d love to know what YOU think every woman should have?

xoxEDxox

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I love Madonna. I have loved Madonna from the moment she burst onto the scene in fishnet stockings, too much hairspray and a bad die job.

If my IPod playlist isn’t enough proof, well frankly, I don’t know what is.

So you can imagine how excited I was to see Madonna perform the halftime show at the Superbowl. In fact, I love Madonna so much, I went to her concert in Montreal a few years ago with my girlfriend AND my barf bag. I puked for nine whole stinkin’ months throughout both my pregnancies, and I would throw up any time, any place. But when I heard Madonna was coming to Montreal, I just couldn’t miss it. Not even if it meant dancing on my feet for 3 hours, 9 months pregnant, 40 pounds heavier, with my barf bag in my purse.

But, let’s return to halftime at the Superbowl. I left my house at 5:30 last night for a “girls” dinner when too much testosterone walked through the door after hockey practice at 5. There were big men and little men. It involved the Superbowl, Dominos Pizza, a lot of chicken wings, and a ton of junk. I decided to put on my “awesome” mom hat, and buy the kids junk galore for a change, since I’m usually the killjoy who puts out tangerines and vegetables. Dads Oatmeal cookies are generally as rough as it gets around here. But anyhoooo, I got gummies, jellies, kettle corn sweet n’ salty popcorn, chips, swedish berries, etc… Let’s just say, my boys were proud. After all, didn’t we learn on the last blog that if you were making a Superbowl party, to keep the foods colorful.

Once I put the goodies out, I left for dinner with my neighbor and her 8 year old daughter. After some delicious Japanese food and a glass of wine, I darted home for halftime. I HAD to see Madonna live. With all the testosterone in the den, and the boys still in sugar-shock, I cranked up the surround sound and waited for Madonna with baited breath. Then, we heard it. Just the music, no Madonna. Strike a Pose.

Alright. Let’s be honest. Madonna didn’t stand a chance. Of course the critics would rip her apart. Yes, she apparently lip synced. Yes, she hardly moved compared to her usual showcase of crazy awesome dance moves (she is rumored to have a bad hamstring injury). Yes, she annoys people with that odd fake British accent. Yes, her new song is a little, well, again I might use the word annoying.  Yes, she emits this overwhelming sense of narcissism. Yes, some say she was overshadowed last night by younger talent or even MIA who flipped the bird. ALL THAT SAID, let’s take her for what she is- her past to present. This 53 year old legend is just that-  a legend. A doer. She is a reinventer. She can make Vogueing still current and relevant today.  She can party with the Party Rockers. She can sing a duet with a young popstar and still rock it. You be 53, move like that, look like that, sing like that, dance like that, be a mom of 4, have a history of decades of success,  still push the bar, still stay relevant, and then come back and criticize.

I have discovered along the way that it is the people who never risk, who are always the first to criticize. Who are the most judgmental. When you’ve walked into a sea of unknown and have risked, you don’t judge. You know just how tough it is.

And those are my two cents on last night’s Superbowl halftime and on life in general.

I’ll be a Madonna fan for life. ’Cuz she’s raw and gritty. ’Cuz she never goes down without a fight. ‘Cuz she has an insurmountable work ethic.

Madonna still remains, the mother of reinvention. And for that, she’s got my respect.

I’d to know your thoughts on last night’s halftime performance.

xoxEDxox

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By Guest Blogger Virginia Champoux-Sokoloff

When I was young, no one told me what to expect out of life. They’d just say life is filled with ups and downs, so you gotta learn to roll with the punches. Good advice? Maybe. But what if all you needed to do was invest in what you have, trust your gut, go after what you want, and have fun doing it?

I graduated with a degree in Communications. I then climbed the professional ladder and landed a high pressure, demanding job in Public Relations for the International Air Transport Association. In the midst of it, I met an amazing man and got married.

From the very moment my husband Jay and I decided to share our lives together, we were faced with serious decisions. Jay suffers from cystic fibrosis, so a regular 9-5 job would be difficult since he would likely spend lots of time in the hospital. It then became our priority to shape our life in a certain way, so that we could deal with unexpected hospitalizations.

Building a family was also something we both wanted for ourselves. And being a carrier of the gene myself, this meant that we needed to turn to adoption to prevent our child from living with the disease. We did, twice, and I am so grateful for it.

I’d always been very passionate about traveling, a perk of my PR job. I remember going on business trips, and scurrying around cities looking for those little shops that would sell fun, funky and unique products I could bring back as souvenirs.

One morning it hit me. What if I opened up that little shop I was always looking for when traveling?! I knew there’d be major upsides in terms of making my own schedule – a real concern given my husband’s illness. Having our own business also meant that either Jay or I could be home with the children at all times, a choice that proved to be very important as our young daughters adapted to a new world.

The result was Mortimer Snodgrass, then a 500 sq ft gift store.

As with any new business, the process of starting up was a challenge. People would tell me we were crazy, especially with little to no knowledge of how to run a retail store. The business grew and we had to learn to rely on our staff more and more when Jay’s life challenges threw us curveballs.

Through it all, optimism, our passion and our complementary skillsets fueled us. And by surrounding ourselves with an excellent manager and good staff, we have been able to keep our family as the priority.

Now, ten years later, I can certainly say this was amongst the best decisions of my life!

Mortimer Snodgrass

In the process as a mompreneur, I have learned a few lessons about life and business. Here is what I know:

1) Bring YOU into your biz

Our store is really an extension of us. We always say that everything we sell is something we would either buy for ourselves, or for our friends. Your identity influences the business you create. Embrace this!

2) Trust your instincts

Ten years in, we have never done research, and have rarely sought and paid for professional opinions. Every business decision we have made, from renting space to choosing products has been pure instinct. We trust our gut and it has worked almost every time.

3) Love it or leave it

You’ve heard this before, but the fact is, whatever you take on won’t be successful unless you absolutely love what you do. We play to our strengths and split the work accordingly. This allows us to go to work and LOVE what we do. It’s essential!

4) The people make the environment

Dealing with rude suppliers, impolite staff and angry types negatively affects you and your business. The beauty is you get to choose whom you conduct business with. If you work well with someone, it’s worth nurturing those relationships. In the long run, everyone will be better off.

5) Treating staff right pays dividends

We’ve all had horrible bosses. Don’t be one. We’ve found that the more we open up to our staff, the more likely they are to go above and beyond for us. They embrace the spirit of our store, stick around longer and put more energy in their work.

So say thanks. When you catch staff doing something right, praise them!

6) Failing is fine (and inevitable)

Mistakes are one of the best forms of education out there. Don’t beat yourself up when they occur. We’ve ordered the wrong products, rented the wrong spaces, but I cannot imagine where we’d be if we had not committed these errors, and learned from them.

7) You cannot please everyone

Regardless of what you do, how good your service is, the effort you put into something, sometimes the result is still a disgruntled customer. Don’t waste time worrying about this. You cannot please everyone. Trying to means you’ll end up pleasing no one.

Entrepreneurship’s schedule is a blessing and a curse

Starting a new business? All the power to you! Just understand the schedule is both amazing (i.e. – you make it) and awful (i.e. – the buck stops with you and only you can handle certain situations that can arise). It does not come with an “off” switch. So, while we’ve been able to eat dinner together as a family frequently, there have been times where we have had to drop everything and deal with the business.

9) Hard decisions are hard, but need to be made quickly

We’ve all had to fire someone, or drop a long-term supplier whose products aren’t selling anymore. Letting these types of matter percolate too long does nothing to solve the problem. Get on with the tough stuff.

10) There are no rules.

Ten years later we still have no business plan. We get up everyday, we work hard, we have fun, and we laugh with our staff, and with our customers. Sometimes, we cry a little too. But we love it, that is all that matters!

Because after all, what is life without loving what you do, and who you’re doing it with?

~Virginia

–

 About Virginia Champoux-Sokoloff…

Virginia and Jay Sokoloff

Virginia Champoux-Sokoloff is the co-owner (with her husband Jay Sokoloff) of Mortimer Snodgrass, a funky and unique gift store in Montreal, Canada that celebrated it’s 10th anniversary in October 2011. Now located in a central mega-store in Old Montreal and online, Mortimer Snodgrass continues to provide fun, funky and unique gifts to tourists, lifelong Montrealers, visiting celebrities (Halle Berry is a fan of the store) and customers as far away as Chile. Though Mortimer, the now 11-year-old dog that inspired the shop’s name, has retired from the daily grind of greeting customers, Virginia’s two young daughters love helping out around the shop.

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Tell us, if you’re a mompreneur, what have you learned along the way about life and business? Share your tips here…

xoxEDxox

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Is your career in in a rut? Are you stuck in a dead end job?

It’s January– the time we make resolutions, commitments, and set our career path on the right track. Now is a good time to take a hard look at your current job situation. If you’re truly unhappy in your current situation, make the firm commitment to yourself that you will make changes and take action. Now is the time to get off the fence.

Here is my 5-Step Career Tune Up from my segment yesterday morning on CTV’s Canada AM (click on image to go to link).

 I’d love to hear your tips!

Have a great weekend, friends.

xoxEDxox

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By Guest Blogger Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal.

Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.  It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, and choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Keep smiling & have a wonderful life.

~Bronnie

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About Bronnie Ware

Bronnie Ware is an inspiring and creative soul from Australia.

Through her work Bronnie weaves delightful tales of real life observations and experience. Bronnie celebrates both the strength and vulnerability of human nature. Her message is a positive and inspiring one.

As well as performing her own songs, Bronnie runs an online personal growth and songwriting course, writes a well-loved blog called Inspiration and Chai, including articles that have been translated into several languages, and is the author of the full-length memoir, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, recently released worldwide.

You can visit Bronnie online at www.BronnieWare.com

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What are your thoughts? Has this post made you reflect upon how you are living your own life? Has it made you want to make changes going forward?

xoxEDxox

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Welcome back to WomenOnTheFence.com!! It’s a brand new year. And a brand new year, means a brand new start. There is no more perfect time than NOW to make your vision board, and put your plan into action.

Yes, 2012 is about ACTION. This year, we’re not just talking – we’re walking our talk. And it’s gonna be powerful. This year, we’re DREAMING BIG.

I frequently mention a vision board on Twitter and Facebook, and many of you ask me about mine, and how to make one. I would post own my vision board for you to see, except I’m kinda superstitious, and feel like my vision board is like a birthday wish. You know, you cover your eyes, make a wish, and only if you tell no one, it will come true? Yeah, that sorta thing.

But, I have been using a vision board (or dream board as it is sometimes referred to) for a while now. And I refer to it OFTEN.  At least once per week to make sure I’m still keeping my eye on the prize, and chasing the dream. My vision board organizes my thoughts, and reminds me why I wake up in the morning. And when I do look at it, I feel enthused, charged, positive and proactive.

The question is, DO YOU have a vision board?

Today I would like to challenge you to make your own. There is no better time than now. In case you have dismissed the idea, thinking that it is just a giant poster board of images of fancy cars, clothes, jewelry and skinny women, think again. While a fancy car may very well be on your dream board, I urge you to DREAM BIGGER.

The beauty in creating a vision board, is that it’s entirely your own. It consists of every image, or word or sentence that you envision for yourself in your life. Perhaps there is a picture of an open door, symbolizing you leaving your current job, and opening the door to new possibilities. Perhaps there is a picture of an ocean, there to remind you to take a walk by the seaside every now and then to clear your mind. Perhaps there is a piggy bank, reminding you to save more money. Perhaps there is a cozy table set for two, to remind you to inject more romance into your relationship. It is entirely your own vision. My vision board is simply a white board, with a dry eraser. I bought it for $12.99 at Office Depot, and I write and erase as my goals and visions change.

On a side note, we can all dream the dream, but the difficult part is making those dreams come true– actually implementing what’s on that vision board.

So, are you ready for a fun 2012 project? We’re getting off the fence today, ladies! We’re getting unstuck, and we’re making that decision to chase the dream this year. We’re finally taking up knitting, or we’re quitting that dead end job. We’re breaking up with a toxic friend, or we’re giving more money to charity. We’re deciding to be more open to new ideas, or to spend more time with family. We’re planning a trip to Disney World with our family. We’re making plans.

Here’s how.

Creating Your Dream Board

1. Buy a bristol board or poster board – any color works. Also buy yourself a box of markers and a glue stick.
2. This is the fun part! Start browsing through magazines and newspapers and cut out images and pictures that symbolize your goals and dreams. Feel free to print images or words from the Internet as well. Keep them all in a folder as you collect. There are fantastic images online if you use Google Images, for example. This is YOUR dream board, so any images, any words, anything goes.
3. Don’t be shy to put in pictures of yourself. This is your board – you could / should be present in it.
4. I like to have one sentence – the overall, big picture dream written out in the middle, or at the top. In essence, the big vision for your vision board. Think, WHAT DO I WANT?
5. Once you have collected all your images, place them on the board. Feel free to organize the board in THEMES, eg, health, romance, career, money, family, etc…
6. Grab that glue stick, and start making your dreams permanent on paper. You’re now putting it out there! Start gluing!
7. Now it’s time to PLACE your vision board! This is key to your success. It has to be VISIBLE– a place you physically go to frequently– your  office, your den, your kitchen are all great choices. Don’t laugh, you can even hang it in your bathroom– something to glance at while you take a nice relaxing bath. It is important to keep the area around your vision board clean, and clutter-free.
8. Congratulations, you made it, and it’s now on your wall! Now, you have to LIVE IT! Visit your vision board frequently, at least twice per week. Look at all your images, your words. What are you doing to make them come to fruition? I even have a little ACTION PLAN section on mine, with a few action steps on how I plan to implement my goals. That is entirely up to you. But remember, visualization is just as important as action.

So what are you waiting for? Your dreams await you!!

Please share with our readers, do YOU have a vision board or dream board? Did this post inspire you to want to make one of your own? I would love you to share your vision board with us in a link below. Or feel free to email me a picture of your vision board. I’d love to see it!

Have a blessed Monday.

xoxEDxox

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