Wordless Wednesday: #JuicingFail

January 22, 2014 9 Comments TAGS: Diet & Food, Wellness

So yesterday, I held myself accountable to my ONE New Year’s resolution – which was to become more domesticated. Please refrain from laughter. While you might already be Miss Martha Stewart in action, I am not. After doing my first-ever “Brazilian Body” class at the gym, I felt motivated. So I walked into the grocery store across the street and decided I was going to make my own green juice! You know, cuz it looks idiot-proof. And why should I keep buying juices when I can make my own? How hard can it be to throw 5 veggies in a juicer? I found a recipe online from a reliable source, and I was ready to go.

Things were looking promising. Kale, parsley, lime, apples, cucumbers. The “healthy complexion” juice.

photo 1

I followed the recipe to a T. So when the recipe called for a 1/2 lime, I threw in a 1/2 lime, skin and all. I figured, had the recipe called for the JUICE of 1/2 a lime, I would have added just the juice of 1/2 lime.

Well, what I got was a thick, vile, potato-like puree.

photo 2

And I gagged.

And it might be a long time before I juice again, unless you can kindly send your best juicing links below with CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS. And any juicing tips you have.

I have to give a shoutout to all the supportive peeps on Instagram who encouraged me to press forward, and not give up on my juicing dreams. Thank you also to Gloria Fallon, equally funny sister of Jimmy Fallon who weighed in on my “GreenPotatoJuicePuree” blunder– when after I finally admitted that I DIDN’T in fact use a juicer, but used my Cuisinart blender on my counter instead, made the distinction for me…


Well friends, I am not on the fence: I don’t think I should quit my day job.

I’m officially undomesticated.



    1. Ruth BirdNo Gravatar says:

      Try Juicing with Drew at https://www.facebook.com/VegetableJuicing?ref=stream
      Just definitely, hire someone else to clean the juicer!

    2. NicholeNo Gravatar says:


      When I looked at your final concoction, I thought to myself “I wonder if she used an actual juicer, because it shouldn’t look like that!”

      Don’t give up, you’ll do great! I love the way you write!

      I have a Breville juicer and I love it, the only part I don’t love (and that’s an under statement), is cleaning it.

      My favorite green juice is a large handful Kale, two oranges (or one orange and one lemon), and two apples (again, I go for the sweeter apples like fugi or Gala). It’s pretty sweet, which I need in a juice! I’m going to try your healthy complexion recipe next.

      Good luck!

    3. Erica DiamondNo Gravatar says:

      Thank you girls I will check all your links out!!

    4. BarbaraNo Gravatar says:

      So funny Erica! I make smoothies and juices and it’s not hard. Just keep trying new varieties and if it’s too thick you can always add water.

    5. ChelseaNo Gravatar says:

      I like to add ginger to my juices. Try Gwyneth Patrow’s recipes. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/sep/07/gwyneth-paltrow-juice-recipes

    6. DahliaNo Gravatar says:

      Oops forgot the link! http://juicerecipes.com

    7. DahliaNo Gravatar says:

      You should definitely try again. I like this website. Good luck!

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