Missing Out

May 24, 2013 9 Comments TAGS: Career, Motherhood

The media icon for the woman living in the 1950’s was a domesticated housewife and mother who cooked, laundered, cleaned and sewed all the while looking fashionable with a big, happy grin on her face. Fast forward to today. The media icon today in an entirely different woman. What do you see in the latest Glamour and Vogues magazines? You see a tall, confident woman, designer clothes, wearing her role as a career woman, mother, wife and domestic goddess, with that “I can have it all” look to her. So what’s the difference between then and now? While both may be illusions of perfection, the real career woman and mom today is mostly exhausted, completely overwhelmed with the second shift at home, and struggling with guilt and stress.

I did something I was very proud of this week. I had my Media Pass as usual for the incredible C2Mtl Conference. If you’re not familiar with this awesome event that comes to Montreal every year, just check out this week’s speaker lineup. Why I love this conference, is because I always leave with an incredible interview for you women. Last year, it was Arianna Huffington. This year, I had my eye on Richard Branson (second time’s a charm), makeup legend Bobbi Brown, and fashion goddess Diane Von Furstenberg.

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Interviewing Richard Branson

So, I was all ready to rock and roll this week. Except… the conference came and left, and I never went. Not to one speaker, not for five minutes. The conference I had been waiting for for months, just passed me by this week. I missed out on incredible content for you, and incredible learning for me.

But it was the choice that I made, and one that I’m proud of.

You see, in life, I believe as women, we MUST know our limits. My mother, a wise therapist taught me this many years ago. We must know our limits at any given moment– it’s our secret to thriving as women. Know what you need, and give it yourself whenever possible. What did I WANT to do? I wanted everything! I wanted to spread myself thin… do my weekly Global segment, write, coach a client, go to C2Mtl (day and night so as to not miss the speakers I wanted to hear), fly in and out of Montreal for a 60 minute meeting yesterday, make it home for a school event. What did I ACTUALLY do? I made the decision to completely cut out C2Mtl – something I had been looking forward to for months. And while it felt shitty (if I am to be honest) to read those live tweets like “Erica why aren’t you here? You’d love this conference, it’s so you!”, I felt less stressed and as if a burden had been lifted by saying no. I didn’t know how I was going to fit everything in, and so I didn’t.

I may have missed C2Mtl, but I didn’t miss the below– my son’s kindergarten French play, and my other son’s 4th grade book trailer. Life is about making choices, and we hold the power to choose. Sometimes we miss out on amazing opportunities with the choices we make, but in my opinion, it’s simply about priorities. And I’m just not prepared to put my family second. Who knows, maybe that’s the real secret to being a rockstar businesswoman– putting your career first. But I’m not ready to blow my family for my career. There are no do-overs as moms. Some days you’re ahead, some days you’re behind, but at the end of the day, all we can do is our best. Motherhood doesn’t come with a Dora the Explorer navigation map.

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Grade 4 Book Trailer

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Out little kindergarten lion

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Big brother supporting little brother at his play

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Family

So, I’m happy with my choice. Am I sad I missed C2Mtl? Hell yeah, but there’s more to life than work. There is. And I’m not on the fence about that.

I’d love to know– have you ever given up an opportunity you really wanted, or said no to something great, or felt like you were missing out by being a mother? How do you know what choice to make in these cases? I think of the women who have given up thriving careers to be selfless stay at home moms – it’s just hard to do it all. Something’s gotta give, no? Would love your thoughts…

TGIF, lovies!

Erica3

    9 Comments

    1. […] I have blogged before, you can’t do it all. And motherhood took precedence this morning. I missed some incredible […]

    2. VeraNo Gravatar says:

      This Hit home. It’s empowering to see a successful woman with her head screwed on straight and also being so honest about it.

    3. DYNo Gravatar says:

      Wonderful article. Being active duty military, I have always tried to balance that life with my family life, and its tough. The day I decided to always no matter what go to as many school functions and after school plays, recitals, etc. was the day that I missed my daughters A/B Honor roll assembly where she also won another award. All the children were sitting with at least one parent and my daughter sat by herself with cake and juice. It took all I had not to cry when she told me about it, because it wasn’t that I couldnt make it- it was I had gotten so busy at work I forgot 🙁 My family is second on my priority list only under spiritual/faith. Even if I show up a little late- Mommy will be there! Of course, there will be times when I truly may have to miss something, but never because I forgot. Nothing on this planet is more important than my family circle.

    4. JennyNo Gravatar says:

      Loved this post Erica.

    5. DianaNo Gravatar says:

      You made th right choice. It’s true we only have one chance to raise our kids the right way. You’re a rock star business mom though even still.

      • LisaNo Gravatar says:

        I cannot tell you how refreshing this article was and how timely! As a mom of four I continuously struggle between the list of commitments I have and reminding myself where my priorities rest! I love that you can showcase your success as a business woman alongside your passion and love for your family – in my mind that is what I call perfect balance! In my mind it is moms like you who are the true rock stars!

        • Lisa your comment made me tear up. It’s a struggle as we never want to do the wrong thing. We try and have it all – motherhood, career, great marriage, healthy and happy self, and something must always give. No perfection exists. Thank you for your sweet comment.

    6. LoukiaNo Gravatar says:

      I believe that nothing, NOTHING, is more important than family. Family—especially children—should come first no matter what. You made the right choice for sure. I missed out my Mom 2.0 this year, even though I was one of the live bloggers, even though I knew what a fabulous time it would be, because it was our Greek Easter weekend, and I just could not miss that. It was tough to say no, and I struggle with this a lot, but at the end of the day, I just at my kids and I know I’m doing the best I can and making the right decisions for them! 🙂

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