By Guest Blogger Susan Houde
While reading the latest issue of Glamour Magazine last night, I came across an interesting article. Titled The Curse of the Just-OK Marriage,” it is based on excerpts from the book Marriage Confidential by Pamela Haag. She addresses the “Post romantic age of workhorse wives, royal children, undersexed spouses and rebel couples who are rewriting the rules.”
Wow, that is a mouthful. Today, I am focusing on the marriage part.
This article is just one of many recent articles which re-examine modern marriage, couples and monogamy. This modern love is complicated stuff! What does it take to survive in a relationship today? Is being with one person “till death do you part” even possible anymore? I know that everyone out there has questioned this at some point.
Haag speaks of people stuck in an “OK marriage.” Where the couple is at the “ambivalent” stage. I’m not sure what people expect when they are married for long periods of time. The spark dies down, things get routine, complacent and dare I say, boring? We have all been there at one time or another. I have been with my husband for 18 years and married for 15. I feel very lucky that I married the right man for me. I can say with truth that I never felt the need to go outside my marriage and “test the waters.” It appears though, that I am not the norm. It looks like many couples are in a panic over becoming friends. They are putting so much pressure on themselves and each other to be “what society expects them to be” – a passionate and thriving couple. Which couple together for 20 years doesn’t have to work to keep things spicy?
I’m sure we all wish that our sex lives resembled a late-night movie on Cinemax. But let’s be realistic.
Marriage takes work. LOTS of work!!! Compromise, tolerance and sometimes, several adult beverages. It is not easy. It is not always fun, exciting and a bed full of rose petals. I think that the “modern” couple has unrealistic expectations of marriage– the notion that once you marry, it will be blissful and perfect. Then when their partner disappoints them or they realize that married life isn’t perfect, they give up and throw in the towel.
What I am most proud of, is that my husband and I are able to communicate. We do that really well. We really talk. Not via text, but actually face to face. I don’t always like to hear what he has to say, but I listen. He doesn’t always like what I have to say, but he listens too. It’s about being open, honest, and starting the dialogue. Without communication, marriage is like a time bomb just waiting to go off.
The Today Show recently did a piece on the ever-popular website Ashley Madison. With over 800,000 members, it is the official cheaters website. Their tag line is “Life is Short, Have an Affair.” Really? Is this what marriage has become? People with blacked out faces admitting that having an affair, and I quote “has made them a better wife, mother & happier in general.” I am both disgusted and amazed by the popularity of this site. Could this represent the downfall of the modern marriage? Seeing how popular it is, maybe this is the future of marriage– hit some bumps in the road, and look outside. I hope not.
My question is, is monogamy possible in modern love? Do the vows we take mean anything anymore? Are we always going to be looking for someone or something else to make us happy? When is enough, enough?
Most of us already know that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. It may look really nice, but actually, it has lots of weeds, dead spots and needs watering, just like yours. I think we need to look at our own yard and remind ourselves how amazing it already is.
About Susan Houde
Susan Houde is a professional media makeup artist, blogger, part-time rock star & full time rockin’mama. Susan has worked in the beauty industry for over 20 years as an artist & skincare professional. She is also the creator of the blog PRETTY.Rockin.mama; a humorous and honest take all things beautiful in life, music and motherhood.
When she’s not out making the women of the world more beautiful, she is a singer in a professional cover band, wife to one amazing man and mother to two boys.
Visit Susan at her blog: http://prettyrockinmama.blogspot.ca
I would love your thoughts on Susan’s view of modern love. Is it too idealistic? Are you on the fence here? Do you believe that you should be more accepting and live in a complacent or “OK marriage,” or do you agree with throwing in the towel if you are really unhappy. How do you know if the wear & tear is worth repairing or releasing? Do you agree that couples give up too easily on marriage today? You know the stat – 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. What do you make of modern love, and modern day marriages? Have we lost the true sanctity of marriage? I’d love your take.
PS – I’m getting on a plane now to speak at She’s Connected today. I’m really looking forward to meeting all the women. Back to my husband tonight, to keep our modern love alive.
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Tags: ashley madison, couples throw in the towel on marriage, how to have a good marriage, how to have a successful marriage, Marriage, marriage confidential, marriage takes work, modern love, Relationships, the state of marriage, unhappy marriage