Tips for Co-Parenting after Divorce

April 4, 2012 27 Comments TAGS: Kids, Marriage, Relationships

Let me start by saying, I am one of the world’s biggest supporters and advocates for marriage. There is thankfully no divorce on either side of our family. This blog post is by no means meant to encourage divorce. I believe divorce should be a very last resort.  Divorce is, however, the statistic for one out of every two marriages, and so today I wanted to offer tips to those people affected. My greatest hope is that if you are currently struggling in your own marriage or relationship, this will be your wake-up call to get off the fence and get help, before it is too late.

Erica

By Guest Blogger Scott Morgan

As a divorce lawyer, I see people on a daily basis dealing with the aftermath of separation and divorce. In those cases where the couple has children, the unavoidable reality is that the children are likely to experience much more emotional turmoil and anxiety than the parents anticipate.

As a father of two young children (ages five and seven), I consider myself very fortunate to have a healthy marriage and a stable family for my children to grow up in. As I tell my clients, if you have children, you owe it to yourself and to them to see if there is any way to work things out so that you can have a happy, well-adjusted family. Yes, it is possible. Unfortunately, often after much of a fight to keep a marriage together, sometimes there is simply no remaining practical option but to divorce and start over. When this is the case, it is time to focus on co-parenting.

While most parents agree that they want to do what is in their children’s best interest, following through with that can often be challenging. Here are some tips to help you move past the pain and work with your ex-spouse.

Effective Co-Parenting is the Best Way to Help Your Children Adapt to the Divorce

Your divorce will affect your children; this is an unavoidable fact. Working together on a healthy co-parenting arrangement will help your children adjust to this major change. They need to know they are still loved in order to feel secure during this time. However, the benefits extend beyond childhood security and self-esteem.

Learning how to solve problems. Children learn how to work through their issues by watching their parents. If the parents are locked in a battle of wills that is fraught with name-calling and spitefulness, then the children will learn the same behavior. Even though you have divorced, you and your ex can still be partners. Your cooperation and willingness to move past the pain will teach your child how to resolve issues and work together.

Consistent rules are more productive. Children of divorced parents will learn quickly how to play both sides of the fence in order to get their way. Working together eliminates this problem. Even though you are divorced, you will still have to come to an agreement on key issues and abide by those agreements. When the rules, discipline and rewards are consistent between the households, everyone will benefit.

Set the Pain Aside

Divorces usually come packed with emotions. It is normal to feel angry, resentful and hurt, especially in divorces where abuse, neglect or infidelity played a role. It is vital that you find a way to set those feelings aside. This is the time to focus on your child’s needs. The co-parenting arrangements are not about your relationship with your ex-spouse, they are about your child’s relationship with both of you. Remember that your children should never be your sounding board for problems with your ex, nor are they your support for the emotions you are going through. Call your friends, join a therapy group or find a great counselor to fill this role. Your job is to support your children and the co-parenting arrangements, and that means keeping your negative feelings about your ex to yourself.

Be the Adults

It is tempting to have your kids deliver messages, but this puts your child squarely in the middle and undermines your co-parenting efforts. Be an adult about the situation, pick up the phone and talk with your ex-spouse. It will be awkward at first, but it will get easier with time. Most importantly, it will benefit your children. Here are some tips to help you communicate effectively and avoid fighting over the phone.

  • Keep a formal tone. When you view the relationship with your ex as a business partnership, it will become easier to stay civil. Remember that the important party here is your child, and use the same respectful tone with your former spouse that you would use with an important customer or colleague.
  • Ask, do not demand. Remember the old saying that you will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? When you need something from your spouse, ask nicely rather than demanding.
  • Listen to your ex-spouse. It is tempting to tune out everything your former partner is saying, but that is not what’s in your child’s best interests. Listening does not necessarily mean that you agree, but it does show respect and will help keep things on a positive note.
  • Calm and collected. Your ex-partner is not going to go away, so you will have to find some way to work together until your child is grown. Getting angry after a conversation or fighting with your ex on the phone will cause your child a great deal of stress. It is in your child’s best interest for you to find ways to stay calm when dealing with the ex.
  • Kid-focused conversations. Discussions with your partner can sometimes degenerate into complaint sessions about old issues. When the conversation starts to shift in this manner make an effort to turn the focus back to the children.

Co-parenting arrangements can be difficult to put in place, but they are extremely important. Your children will benefit greatly from watching you and your ex-spouse work together. In addition to feeling more secure and loved, they will also learn important problem solving skills. The road won’t always be easy, but your children will benefit greatly from your efforts.

About Scott Morgan

Scott Morgan is a board certified divorce lawyer in Austin, Texas who regularly blogs on the subject of divorce and family law. You can read his blog at AustinDivorceSpecialist.com.

I have to say, reading this post today makes me sad. Tell us, have you been affected by divorce? Are you a divorced parent currently doing your best to co-parent in the most effective way possible for you and your children? How can you properly co-parent if you are angry or resentful? How can you even AVOID divorce in the first place? Please share any tips with our readers.

xoxEDxox

    27 Comments

    1. Eric Freeman says:

      I had a problem with my girlfriend six months ago,which lead us apart. When she broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I fill so empty inside.And i dont know what to do,I feel my life has come to an end because she was my first love.I went for counselling and advice online and i saw so many good comment about a spell caster on how he help them to solve their relationship and marriage issues.I email the spell caster on the email which was provided in the comments (relationshipspell@gmail. com) and I explain my problem to him and I did what he asked me, to briefly make the long story short, Before I knew what happened,after 48 hours,my girlfriend gave me a call and she came back to me and told me she was sorry about what happen and beg for forgiveness, I’m so grateful to these spell caster and i will not stop publishing his name on the internet just for the good work he did for me.If you need his help,you can email him at RELATIONSHIPSPELL@GMAIL. COM his website: http://relationshipspellhelp.webs. com I will forever be grateful to him.He is the perfect solution to relationship and marriage issues.

    2. Jame Crlip says:

      Hey my name is James although Paul is really not my name i wish i can tell you my really name but i don’t think it will be wise to do that. I have a big happy family my wife with my two boys. They are my all and all in this world. My miserable life would have be over a long time ago if not for them and my wife is the most, let me just say that she is wonderful. Like very marriage we always had our own problems she wanted me to be always around her and the kids but i work at the embassy. It so hard to avoid coming home late and living very early first thing in the morning i though she understood that. Quitting was not an option cos i love what i do and more over my pay is really beautiful. To an extent i lead my marriage into the problem we found ourselves i should have tried harder i should have not assumed that all was well when all indication showed that they weren’t. Honestly i owe my happiness and improved marriage life to Akpe a spell caster that help get my wife back cos she was on the verge of leaving for another guy a fashion photographer. Now that i am thinking of it, she left me for the guy she was with him for months before Akpe helped me with the spell that brought her back to me and my boys. I use to think money makes every woman stay but no she in are awesome nature proved me wrong. All she wanted was to be loved just as how she loved me and i failed. All those while i was at work all day long, she felt too lonely that she fell into the arms of the photographer. Her mind was made up she wanted a new life with the guy she was sure he would give to her all i could not give her. Every thing happened all of a sudden that i didn’t get a chance to try and fight for her she just left. I was glad she left my boys with me and was not going to war for custody of them at least it was way too early for that. For months i thought that i could leave without her as long as my boys were with me but we missed her mostly me. I never needed anybody the way i was in need of my wife to return back to me. We still talked during our short separation but each time i bring about us as a topic she always find an excuse to end everything. Honestly i don’t know if she was mad at me or she was no longer in love with me anymore. As scared as i was to loss her, i took a step to contact Akpe to help me get her back. I first heard about him on the internet there were quite a number of comment about him on blogs and even on Facebook so he just seemed like the perfect person to help me out with my problem at that moment in time and just as i thought , he was the right person. You may not all agree with my method but when you really desperate you can go to any length to get what you want. That was pretty much were i stood at that point in time. Akpe was wonder with me, he promised he was going to help me get her back and he did just that for me he was candid with me. He made it clear to me that he does not charge for anything he only need the materials he listed for me to get to enable him get the spell done and also told me it was almost going to be impossible for me to get the materials. Like he said the materials are not that way to force us to pay anything there are just want is needed and also you can bring the materials to his temple yourself or get the materials ever you are and mail them down to him or like me give him he money to get them which i promise you is less expensive and more stress free. All this happened few months back but now, my family is back together and we are happy just as we were before. You can also read all other comment on the internet about and how Akpe Has helped a lot of people. This was not written to make you contact him by force it just to share with whoever cares to read how i got back together with my wife and family but if you must contact him use this email { chiefpriestakpeosilamaspellcast at yahoo dot com } use this email in the standard email form. I kept it this way to enable comment here – See more at: http://womenonthefence.com/2012/04/04/tips-for-co-parenting-after-divorce/comment-page-2/#comment-1546461

    3. Martin Scott says:

      Hey my name is Paul although Paul is really not my name i wish i can tell you my really name but i don’t think it will be wise to do that. I have a big happy family my wife with my two boys. They are my all and all in this world. My miserable life would have be over a long time ago if not for them and my wife is the most, let me just say that she is wonderful. Like very marriage we always had our own problems she wanted me to be always around her and the kids but i work at the embassy. It so hard to avoid coming home late and living very early first thing in the morning i though she understood that. Quitting was not an option cos i love what i do and more over my pay is really beautiful. To an extent i lead my marriage into the problem we found ourselves i should have tried harder i should have not assumed that all was well when all indication showed that they weren’t. Honestly i owe my happiness and improved marriage life to Metod Acamu a spell caster that help get my wife back cos she was on the verge of leaving for another guy a fashion photographer. Now that i am thinking of it, she left me for the guy she was with him for months before metodo helped me with the spell that brought her back to me and my boys. I use to think money makes every woman stay but no she in are awesome nature proved me wrong. All she wanted was to be loved just as how she loved me and i failed. All those while i was at work all day long, she felt too lonely that she fell into the arms of the photographer. Her mind was made up she wanted a new life with the guy she was sure he would give to her all i could not give her. Every thing happened all of a sudden that i didn’t get a chance to try and fight for her she just left. I was glad she left my boys with me and was not going to war for custody of them at least it was way too early for that. For months i thought that i could leave without her as long as my boys were with me but we missed her mostly me. I never needed anybody the way i was in need of my wife to return back to me. We still talked during our short separation but each time i bring about us as a topic she always find an excuse to end everything. Honestly i don’t know if she was mad at me or she was no longer in love with me anymore. As scared as i was to loss her, i took a step to contact Metodo Acamu to help me get her back. I first heard about him on the internet there were quite a number of comment about him on blogs and even on Facebook so he just seemed like the perfect person to help me out with my problem at that moment in time and just as i thought , he was the right person. You may not all agree with my method but when you really desperate you can go to any length to get what you want. That was pretty much were i stood at that point in time. Metodo was wonder with me, he promised he was going to help me get her back and he did just that for me he was candid with me. He made it clear to me that he does not charge for anything he only need the materials he listed for me to get to enable him get the spell done and also told me it was almost going to be impossible for me to get the materials. Like he said the materials are not that way to force us to pay anything there are just want is needed and also you can bring the materials to his temple yourself or get the materials ever you are and mail them down to him or like me give him he money to get them which i promise you is less expensive and more stress free. All this happened few months back but now, my family is back together and we are happy just as we were before. You can also read all other comment on the internet about and how Metodo Has helped a lot of people. This was not written to make you contact him by force it just to share with whoever cares to read how i got back together with my wife and family but if you must contact him use this email { metodoacamufortressx at yahoo dot com } use this email in the standard email form. I kept it this way to enable comment here

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