How to Stop Settling for “Mr. Good Enough” and Start Fighting the “Somebody-Is-Better-Than-Nobody” Syndrome
By Guest Blogger Shay Banks
You’ve done it.
Every woman on the planet has done it.
We’re ashamed when we do it, but the alternative doesn’t look so bright either. I’m talking about settling. Namely, settling for a so-so romantic relationship.
It’s not bad per se, it’s just, you know that deep down you could do sooo much better.
The alternative to settling, of course, is going on more dates where you’ll have to laugh at not-so-funny jokes and rehash (again!) why you’re on the market.
The alternative to that is being single.
There you have it ladies– you can settle for a so-so relationship, you can go on countless dates, or you can be single. There’s no other choice.
Or is there?
No matter how accomplished a she becomes, no matter how many lives she saves, at the end of the day, a woman is more likely to judge her success in life based on two things: her weight and her love life. If either of them is off kilter, she could win the biggest awards and earn the highest salary in the company, but it won’t matter because she’s “failed” in the ways that “really count.”
To avoid that feeling of failure, she loses the weight and settles for the first guy that asks “Will you marry me?”
And even after the weight is lost and she’s tossed her bouquet in the air, there’s a part of her that wishes she’d waited. Not waited because she enjoyed being single, but waited because she knows she deserves more than what she settled for.
The thing with settling, is that it doesn’t steal your soul in one fatal swoop. Instead, like a water bottle with a tiny pin prick, it leaks out your vibrant spirit over time (which is why so many women can stay in settled relationships for years before doing anything about it.) There’s pain, yes, but it’s tolerable.
Thankfully, there’s another way.
The Root of Settling
Settling in and of itself isn’t fear. It’s actually a form of escapism. It’s a cry out for acceptance and normalcy (whatever that is).
What if we changed our perspective? What if instead of “settling,” we dug up the fear behind it. Remember settling is relatively easy; it’s what it does to your soul that makes it so painful.
- We settle because we’re tired of people asking “where’s your date/man?” upon entering parties.
- We settle because having someone is better than feeling flawed because at your age you’re still single.
- We settle because we’re just ready to stop this whole dating thing, already!
The mind is a tricky and powerful tool. Left to its own devices, it will make you believe every fear you actually think. So here are some ways to overcome the rock and hard place that is known as ‘settling for a so-so relationship‘ or remaining single:
1. Ask yourself “Does this choice make my heart smile?”
If a guy makes your heart smile and feeds your soul, are you truly settling? And if you find yourself single and happy, is that settling? Do you know what truly makes you leap out of bed with joy? If you don’t, then how are you able to attract a man that’s able to give you the type of joy your heart needs?
2. Ask yourself “What 3 traits must I absolutely have in a partner?”
Having too many “requirements” in a potential partner can keep you single forever. Having 3 essential must-haves gives the Universe a little wiggle room to add traits that you hadn’t known you wanted or needed. Knowing these 3 traits will calm your nerves and actually help you find a partner that’s right for you a lot quicker.
3. Ask yourself “Do I really believe I deserve the best love experience?”
Initially every woman’s answer is “YES!” But do your daily words and actions reflect that? I know my own actions and words don’t always reflect that enthusiastic “yes” either.
Do you say things like “I’m such a catch. Any guy would be lucky to have me!” and then almost in the same breath say “That guy won’t want me because my stomach’s not flat.”
In order to have the love life you desire, your self-talk has to demonstrate that you believe you deserve to have it. It takes conscious practice every day, but after a while, it becomes a love magnetizing habit.
To overcome the urge to settle for a so-so relationship, first it’s important to get to the root of why you feel the need to settle. Once the root is dismantled, you my dear, are well on your way to attracting rockin’ relationship!
Tell us, have you ever settled in a relationship? What was that like and when did you know you had to bail? Are you actually with Mr. Good Enough right now? What is YOUR advice on settling down with the man of your dreams? Share with our community.
About Shay Banks
Shay Banks is a Dating and Relationship Specialist who helps women fall in love with themselves so that they can attract a man that will do the same. Join her 10 Day Love Magnet Challenge to jumpstart a satisfying journey to finding your unique Mr. Right. Check out her blog for more articles and tips on how to make your love life smokin’ hot.