Comments on: Wisdom Wednesday: When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking

By: Janet

Janet — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 18:54:15 +0000

And when they are not watching…they are listening. Thanks for sharing. To Carolyn, your strength is his
strength. Like Brooke Menoni says in her article, we have no control over the events of our lives, but we do control how we respond to them. Life is a path full of obstacles, overcoming them will only makes us stronger. Feelings of rejection come from within us, a way to toss them out is to be realistic, think about it, his best friend friend’s forgot, that can happen! And even if they consciously did not to invite him to make it a close event, why waste precious energy on people that are not part of his day to day life. Your nonchalant attitude is the best medicine. If he perceives that you too feel hurt, you will just be fueling his disappointment. Friendship between males is a “no hurt feelings man” and a slap on the backside as a general rule. I have 2 boys (29, 26) and girl (23). Boys can have a brawl, a fist fight with their best buddy and the next day they are ridding bicycles together. Your son is more in tune with his emotions than most kids his age, he has an artistic soul, I guess that’s why he is in a band. Artistic people take longer to calibrate emotions to protect themselves. Go to your library and look for self help books about raising boys…I did. Best to all.

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 15:02:43 +0000

Thanks Erica and Julie for your replies. I think I am the sensitive one. I am very hurt for my son, too. As much as we try to raise our kids to be wiser and better prepared to handle life’s disappointments, they often become just like us and react to situations in kind. You are right, I cannot fix what happened. I have to just listen to him and be there for him. Good advice, Julie. Thanks Ladies!

By: Sheila

Sheila — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 14:51:38 +0000

So beautiful.This is a great reminder that actions do speak louder than words.

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 14:25:24 +0000

Carolyn…it sounds like your boy is a sensitive one, I have two senstitive boys and I always hear about the “bad” stuff that happens to them….on a daily basis…it does get exhausting but I am ALWAYS there to listen. Sometimes just listening – without saying anything – without responding – other than assurances like “man that must not have felt very good” etc. Validating the feelings and the emotions behind those feelings are the best gift I think we can give our children. It’s a never ending job and it is gut wrenching when they are exposed to life’s harsh lessons such as being excluded. I’m afraid no one can tell you this won’t happen again, you know that, but you can just be there for him, you can’t fix what happened…it is what it is but you can just be there for him…Best of luck @boysneedtofeel

By: Erica Diamond

Erica Diamond — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 13:52:53 +0000

Carolyn, thank you for your comment. A child left out is heartbreaking and devastating. I’d love to know what the rest of my community thinks about this, as per your request. How does Carolyn help console her son?

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 04:19:04 +0000

I loved reading today’s blog. It is a beautiful poem. I don’t know how this relates, just feel like sharing it on your blog. When my son wasn’t looking, I was crying for him today. Let me explain. He is a 9th grader and kids can be so thoughtless and mean sometimes. A group of kids at his school had a surprise birthday party for my son’s best friend last weekend. Funny thing though, they forgot to invite my son to the party. My son was so hurt. He had even purchased a gift for his friend. It is hard to know what to say to him. It is a hard lesson for him to learn. He did nothing wrong to this group of kids, but he is the one who ended up getting hurt. He is in band and his best friend is on the football team. I think that was part of the problem… why he did not make the guest list, he is not an athlete. So I am asking all of you Moms out there… how do I help console my son? He is not upset with his best friend, just disappointed with the party organizers. BTW, this is not my first child to experience such a disappointment. He is my middle child. It never gets any easier watching your kids get hurt:( But to Erica, I wish your five-year-old on his birthday 100 years of nice friends who considerate, caring and kind to him:)

By: Patty

Patty — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:57:34 +0000

This made me cry. Just beautiful and so true.