Wisdom Wednesday: Love To The Haters

I promised my readers when I started this blog, that I would always be honest– show the good, the bad, and the ugly. So, for that reason, you won’t question why I posted this below for a Wisdom Wednesday. Or maybe you might. Who posts hate mail? And a pretty bad one, to boot.

I gotta be honest, I can’t think of one single enemy I’ve made along the way. I try to never burn bridges. I root for people’s success. I am kind. And I honestly can’t recall one hurtful email or tweet I’ve received to date… except this one, from Fred Flintstone, dated many years back.

Allow me to give you some background. I started my first business on August 23, 1999, at 24 years of age. On October 27, 1999 at 9PM,  I opened up my email (on a desktop computer, there were no Blackberries at the time), and I nearly fell of my chair. Why? Because I didn’t know what I had done to this anonymous person, to receive this. I am never one to dwell or waste time on untruths, but this stung me, and pissed me off.  I started my business with $5000 I had saved up from working, got a good line of credit from a bank that believed in my business idea, my projections, and ME. Neither my parents, nor my husband, nor a stranger on the street, ever handed me ONE dollar for my business. To date, no one has EVER put money in my businesses, co-signed for me in business, nor been my guarantor in either of my businesses.

So this was unfair.

Ouch. So, now that you’ve read it, well, the letter reads itself, right? Oh, and in case you don’t speak French, MANGE LA MERDE means ‘eat shit.’

Classy.

I have kept this piece of paper for over 12 years, and I will NEVER throw it out ( I even snapped a picture of the hard copy today, it’s all I have). Why? As a reminder.

A friend once said, “You should hire a computer hacker to uncover who the person is, track them down, and show them what a “failure” you have become.” But I have zero interest in doing so. I’m not angry, and I’m not bitter.

So why post this awful letter for the world to see? It’s because I decided to take Fred Flinstone’s advice and become a hooker. How cool?!

NO! I’m kidding!

I posted it, as a reminder to learn from the haters. To love the haters. Haters keep us grounded. Haters teach us about ourselves. Haters are our voice of reason. Who knows, maybe I was a bitch to someone unintentionally, one bad day.

And the takeaway point for YOU, is that we all have naysayers, or doubters, or haters. Their words can hurt us, haunt us, and tickle our insecurities. The important thing in life, is to take from it, learn from it, but NOT let it stop you. Haters and doubters often make us want to quit or even question our entire life plan. Please, I can only tell you from experience, just work hard, and prove them wrong. Success comes from doing what you love, and working at it daily. Listen to the critics, because there’s much to be learned, but follow your heart. And trust your instincts.

“We women are like angels. When someone breaks our wings we jump on broomsticks. We are versatile like that.” ~Unknown

I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Do you ever let people influence your actions? Do skeptics and naysayers keep you from moving forward? Please share with our community.

xoxEDxox

 

25 Comments
  1. I think the important thing to remember is that this sort of stuff isn’t about you. It is NEVER about you. It is about their stuff. Their issues. Their standards (or lack of!!!).

    It is important to be open to the lessons from constructive criticism because, as you point out, there is learning in there, but anything else shouldn’t be taken personally.

    I like to live by the motto “We can’t always choose what happens to us but we can always choose how we respond”. Always rise above. Hold on to your own dignity and integrity.

    This quote sprang to mind as I read your post:

    “Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us” – Stephen Covey

    Onwards and upwards

  2. I couldn’t agree more success breeds people who either want to steal it or kill it! It never hurts when you get this type of response to do a quick self analysis and say does their complaint have merit? If not, then it’s fuel for the fire to keep going.

  3. Okay, this makes the annoying mean emails I get from a blog troll seem like love letters.

    When I was 23 I decided to get back into high performance sport (I was a rower). I remember a ‘friend’ told another friend, when she head I was ditching my 9-5 to start rowing again, isn’t she getting a bit old for this?

    It stung. I knew 23 wasn’t old but it dug into my insecurities about leaving the ‘real world’ and pursuing my dream of going to the Olympics.

    One of the reasons I was leaving my job was from an conversation with a friend that had been at the 2000 Olympics and won a bronze medal. I saw her at a Christmas party and she told me the job, getting married, having a mortgage and the ‘real world’ would always be there for me. Living the nomadic sweat filled, hand to mouth, existence of an athlete could only be done in a few windows in your life.

    I agree, sometimes you gotta thank the haters. They like to throw it at you when you are being bold and living your dreams. Sign of success.

    1. You know this chick was just jealous of you… for being an athlete and a rower and for doing stuff she would not do! So, good for you. I heard a quote once, “Every kick is a boost!”

  4. You know, I do let people influence my decisions. I struggle with that. Each day. Then something lovely comes along to push me back to center. I keep put myself in the position to connect with beautiful people that can write, heal, inspire and provide wisdom & perspective. In this way I heighten my awareness and cans it here thanking you for sharing this powerful story. It shifted my perspective.

  5. Erica, he sounds like a jealous jerk. Maybe you beat him to a customer. Or maybe he was a frustrated potential “suitor.” Perhaps he wanted to ask you out he did not have the nerve. What would cause someone to have such strong dislike of you? When you put something in all caps like that, it is as if you are screaming at the person. Good for you, for your successes. That is the best revenge. Again, “every kick is a boost.”

  6. I too felt the sting when I read the letter. Awful. Cowardly. I once received an anonymous letter and yours brought it back. Screw her-defintely a her. Thankfully you are a healthy woman with a sucessful multifaceted career and ultimately that is the sweetest revenge. Good luck to you and keep the blog going.

  7. It’s my experience (ie, decision) that haters are usually deflecting what bothers them about themselves onto others. And everytime I look at it that way, it seems to make sense. Still stings to get something like that…

  8. Well Erica, I guess you showed him/her! Someone once told me that people who are like that have such insecurities that they want to try and make other people feel as insecure as them. I have a word for people like that, toxic. Just keep being the wonderful person you are!

  9. Great post! I used to take personal offense to the “haters” but I learned that their hate always comes from negativity within themselves. Constructive criticism can hurt, but it uplifts and provides opportunity for growth. Hateful criticism is just that-hateful. There is not one word of value in that email, the only value it had was when you took your good energy and used it to transform their bad energy into something that could invigorate and inspire you and others. Now that is energy transference! Great job Erica!

  10. Erica, Jelousy is what fuels this person! You obviously were far more successful
    and he or she couldnt handle it . Shame on them!

  11. What a great article Erica!
    This stirred up all kinds of thoughts:).
    This letter you received makes me think of not only what I personally experience as a child, but of children growing up today and all they are exposed to, or must face in their homes and in their school life. Maybe because, I’m a Mom of teenage son’s and we all live in a fast paced world where bullying is an issue.

    I faced hatred as a child from family and school friends. It’s hard to know what to do with it, as an immature child and that I know children face today. Its a serious issue for children in our country and my heart and prayers go out to them. If a child is being bullied they try to hide it by putting on a (shield) tough exterior of protection on, but its turned inward into shame, hatred and resentment of themselves that’s explosive. If not recognized or if a child feels unsafe with no one to trust, then they turn on defense mechanisms in order to cope. This could possibly mean they isolate themselves and become angry with out harming others, but resurfaces through an abrasive hurtful attitude towards others. They will begin to seek out others like them for acceptance and then find themselves hanging with the wrong crowd. But there is also a high potential for hatred to lead into violence in various forms. It’s a lack of love and rejection that was not received; therefore a child does not develop a love for themselves let alone a love or trust for others. I believe for the majority it all stems from the love or better lack of love and acceptance one receives as an infant and on through childhood.

    For what ever reason that letter you received years ago, brought back memories. My heart goes out to those like this now. Because I could have turned out that way, but for some reason I didn’t. I was destructive towards myself and things, but never hateful towards other people. I went the other direction and sought love, because I was looking to be accepted. But that as well can be just as destructive that kids use today as well. I learned the hard way and lost much, but gained much more, my dignity. There is something great to be said, about life in it’s self… that with out mistakes, there is nothing to learn, grow and mature from. So it’s all good life lessons that helps us to become better people.

    I hope this individual has grown out and beyond his anger, because even though he has hurt others he’s hurting himself more dearly.

    As adults it’s sad that we can still act like immature hateful children as this individual has displayed. He obviously has not found the value of himself and of love.

    Love is truly the greatest gift that we all possess! But first and foremost; we must learn to love and accept ourselves for who we are, before we can truly love and accept others. Therefore if and when we are intruded upon like this, then we can simply put it into perspective; that it’s about their issues and not about us.

    My very best to you,
    Lindy

  12. Omg. I really need to read this today. Even when you feel like your trying to be a better person. No really not better person in the sense of “I am the better person.” I mean in whole like spiritually, karma, reaching out, giving love, and understanding. Then you have that hating, spewing out hate person because she is having a bad day and she is mad at her best friend so she decides she needs to reveal all the back talk that was spoken about you by her ex best friend Really?! This is a 50 year old women. Thanks again learn to love them here!

  13. I have to say – this person has something right. You are a snob. I have made so many positive comments about you/ by you and for you on my twitter but with no reply, no follow and no acknowledgement. I do, however, see you kissing ass to celebrities everyday on my twitter feed. How annoying. I don’t know you at all – and I have no desire to because I already hate you.

  14. Dear He’s Right

    If you’re referring to Oprah (who yes, I pretty much write to daily, I LOVE her), and a few other high profile people I consider friends, I reply to almost every question I’m ever asked. I’m sorry if I missed a nice comment or question. I adore my readers and appreciate EVERY SINGLE person and reader. If you follow my blog, I think you’d know that. I’m sure you know that.

    I wish you’d tell me who you are, and show your face. :). I feel awful that you feel that I’ve ignored you. I write back via Twitter or email to almost every fan and reader.

    Anyhow, I don’t remove comments so this will forever remain, but I appreciate the time you took to write all those nice comments that I either missed, or saw, smiled and didn’t reply to. Next time, pls ask me a question. I’m pretty responsive and I love to engage with all my readers on Twitter.

    Thank you, and please accept my apology for somehow missing your question. I am glad to know you saw some good in the blog, and I ask you not to hate.

    Erica Diamond

  15. Hi Erica,
    Wow, I feel privileged that He’s Right says you only kiss ass to celebs on Twitter! Who knew I was so famous or even remotely considered a celebrity *batting my lash extensions* you know… because we have chatted on Twitter and all.

    Anyhooters, haters can suck my proverbial dick. That’s all I have to say about that. You’re much more gracious than I am so thank you for posting this. Perhaps I won’t make them swallow.

    😀 Cheers!

  16. A beautiful reminder that people cannot stop you from moving forward and following your dreams…YOU are the only one with that power. Here is the one thing I know about people like Fred Flinstone…the energy that you put out into the world comes back to you…always! Know this and you get to decide what kind of life you will have. Happiness always Erica!

  17. Hi Erica:

    I am so sorry that someone with a big chip on their shoulder decided to weigh someone else down with their problems!

    I have received evil comments and letters many times in my past. One good friend gave me very good advice on haters and “trolls” when I ended up in tears over a post… Remember for every time you get a hater, you get many, many more people who compliment you and hold you in great esteem. Hateful behaviour is sad and ignorant and the person delivering it has very poor social skills.

    Hugs,
    Denise

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.