The Secrets of Being a Fabulous Lover for Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2011 24 Comments TAGS: Dating, Marriage, Relationships, Sex & Sexuality

By Guest Blogger and Author of “The Essentials Fabulous,” Ellen Lubin-Sherman

In an era where professional thank-you’s are sent as text messages, romantic break-ups are done over e-mail, and the sloppy word “Whatever” is tossed around carelessly, the zeitgeist of a self-absorbed society too busy being “fabulous” to be anything but dismissive, we need to stop and return to the timeless qualities which really make a person fabulous.

I’m all for loving my mate on Valentine’s Day, but before I share my secrets on how to be a fabulous lover today, let me take a minute and suggest that we love ourselves first. Yes, I’m serious! Everything that bespeaks a fabulous attitude comes from a sense of self-worth and self-admiration. It is the gravitational pull that moves interesting and exciting people into your life. Which is why I bought a Valentine’s Day card for myself. Yes, yes, I hope I get one from my husband, but even if I don’t, the person I spend the most time with (me) has acknowledged what makes me special.

So what makes someone a fabulous lover?

Fabulous lovers are not born, they’re made. A fabulous lover must have a love of life, a joie de vivre, an exuberance, passion and intensity that sends rockets into the air. They care about everything because everything matters. Forget “whatever.” If your lover is still using that word, give him a heads up: “We’re not in Kansas anymore!”

Fabulous lovers are also fun to be with. They love to laugh, to take pleasure in both the simple and extravagant things. In The Essentials of Fabulous, I talk about brio – the fun of working with someone whose high spirits and enthusiasm make the day feel rich and satisfying. Fabulous people are not just concerned with success – they also revel in the fun of achieving that success.

Fabulous lovers are happy people. The reason they’re happy is because they are listening to the best radio station in the world (no, not Pandora). They’re listening to an endless loop of self-affirming commentary that makes them feel as though they can take on the world.

If your lover doesn’t have access to his/her own fabulous radio station, help them create one. You cannot be generous if you’re feeling impoverished – the greatest lovers may be short, squat, rotund or a stick insect but my bet is that they are listening to words of endearment and encouragement all of the time.

So, here are 7 tips for making a “Fabulous” lover in all of us on Valentine’s Day, and even beyond the day:

1.    Pay attention to detail– it takes determination. No one is born ‘fabulous.’ You have to decide to do it—to transform yourself into one of those amazing creatures that infiltrates lives and ignites dreams with swagger, energy, pizzazz, and soigné charm.  Fabulous people are in love with themselves (not in a bad way), each other, and life itself.  Commit to caring, noticing and celebrating the details today and beyond.

2.    Feed Love! Take yourself out to dinner every so often. Delight in your company.  Pay plenty of attention to the details and glories of dining alone. Learn how to celebrate and appreciate yourself while enjoying a meal, selecting the right reading material or your own enjoyable confidence. In essence, learn how to take YOURSELF out for dinner too. 😉

3.    Sprezzatura!  Brio! Fun! Look up the meanings of these words and while you are at it, start to add new language of enjoyment to the inner dialogue, which leads to imagination, which leads to …LOVE! Be inspired by the likes of Italian journalist Antonio Mancinelli, who said, “Sprezzatura for me means to love intelligent beauty to the death and trying to reach it with so many pains and sufferance and sorrows that at the end, you make it appear as effortless.

4.   Change the inner radio and outer broadcast to Rapport Vs. Report. This means listening with a deep need to understand, to offer solace, compassion and warmth, rather than just hearing the news of the day. Try to communicate in a way that encourages rapport between yours and your lover’s dreams and aspirations.

5.    Dress the Part! Even if the day finds you alone, fabulous people wear beautiful lingerie even at a football game.  Buy yourself something lacey, elegant, and sensuous – something that makes your body and yourself feel loved.  Add a touch of silk or cashmere to the day.  Go beyond wearing RED.

6.     Buy yourself Flowers. You don’t have to wait for your significant other to buy you flowers.  Buy them for yourself!  If you’re feeling shunned at work while buckets of flowers are being delivered across the office, call FTD and order some for yourself.  And if you’ve never bought flowers for a man, try it!  They will be deeply moved and delighted (in a good way)!  Look to something less traditional such as cosmos, ranunculous or birds of paradise.

7.     Use the day to indulge in Culinary Fabulousness. Valentine’s Day is not just a day for lovers; it’s a day to indulge all of the senses.  Consider preparing the sexiest meal you can muster based on all things that are aphrodisiacs – oysters on the half shelf, Coquille St. Jacques, crisp champagne served icy cold, roast chicken or lamb, wonderful chocolates for dessert, freshly whipped cream with luscious strawberries. You get the  picture. It will set the mood… 😉

I hope these ideas will get your creative juices flowing and you will take this day to reconnect with yourself and your partner. What are you waiting for? I wish you romance, love and fabulousness today and always.

~Ellen

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Ellen Lubin-Sherman was not born Fabulous. She began her trek to Fabulous in Brooklyn, where she sharpened her wit, vision and reverence for fashion’s knock-offs. After completing her master’s degree in journalism, she went to work for one of New York’s top tier public relations firms where her first gig was to feed gossip items to columnist Liz Smith. That in turn led to creating brand identities for luxury brands.  Years later, she pivoted 360 degrees to her current Fabulous role as coach, confidante, and champion to top corporations and business leaders in the art of polished presentation with her coaching practice, LAUNCH. Her coaching business has led to her status as a sought-after consultant and speaker renowned for her humorous observations and razor-sharp witticisms on society, culture, manners, business—and injecting Fabulousness into every inch of life.

In her new book, The Essentials of Fabulous, Because Whatever Doesn’t Work Here Anymore (www.essentialsoffabulous.com), Ellen spurs on the fabulous lover in us all!

Tell us, what are your plans for Valentine’s Day? Is it an over-priced, over-rated day in your opinion, or do you revel in the festivities? Also, share your own tips that make you a romantic woman!

xoxEDxox

    24 Comments

    1. lanyding says:

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    3. […] the sweet little things, like never forgetting to acknowledge Valentine’s Day, he also was there for the big things. A year before he came out, I had two heart-breaking deaths […]

    4. I feel like you could probably teach a class on how to make a great blog. This is fantastic! I have to say, what really got me was your design. You certainly know how to make your blog more than just a rant about an issue. Youve made it possible for people to connect. Good for you, because not that many people know what theyre doing.

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