Keepin’ It Light

I thought today I’d do a collaboration of ALL the “On The Fence” topics you have suggested over the past year.

It turns out there are MANY.

Here is the top 35! I didn’t hold back. I have kept track of EVERY “On the fence request” since Day 1. Please feel free to voice your faves for further expanded Blog posts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is what you women sit on the fence about:

1. Vaginal coiffing: Full, trimmed, landing strip, Brazilian, The “Telly Savalas”

2. When I get married, whose last name do I use… mine or my husband’s?

3. How much parental involvement should there be with kids’ homework?

4. Do you make your guests take their shoes off when they come over?

5. Do you tell your best friend her husband is cheating?

6. Do you tell your partner if YOU cheated?

7. To spank your kids or not…. YIKES.

8. How many extracurricular activities are too much for kids?

9. What perks do you give up in a slow economy?

10. Do you tell your best friend her child is a total nightmare?

11. When do you tell your husband you’re upset, and when do you let it slide under the rug?

12. “I’m on the fence about having a threesome– my husband keeps pressuring me.” Hmmm lady, doesn’t sound like you’re really on the fence. Say no!

13. To Botox or not to Botox.

14. On the fence about intermarriage– one woman could not decide if she should marry out of her faith.

15. On the fence about abortion.

16. Do you leave a “safe paying” job to chase your dreams?

17. How do you know when to keep fighting or when to surrender if you have been diagnosed with a serious illness.

18. On the fence about what to make for dinner. HELLO!

19. Who would be your GREEN LIGHT FUCK? Yes… one woman’s husband told her to compile a list of 5 people that he would  grant her the GREEN LIGHT if she had the opportunity to be with. Those were her three words. Sounds to me like HE was lookin’ for the green light!

20. Which diet to go on… The Zone, Low carb, Weight Watchers…

21. Vaccinations – get ’em or not?

22. Would you leave your husband if you found out he had a one-night-stand and not an ongoing affair?

23. Would you hire a gorgeous but qualified nanny?

24. Do you ask a new boyfriend about their sexual past?

25. If you found out your child murdered someone by accident, would you turn them in? Yes, during the Van Der Sloot case, two women told me I should Blog about that.

26. Which method of birth control– the pill, condoms, rhythm method, P & P  (pull and pray) 😉

27. How do you know when it’s time to leave your marriage? When do you throw in the towel?

28. To fake it or not to fake it. Yes, a woman wrote in asking if she should be faking orgasm to make her partner feel like he’s doin’ the job!

29. Do you tell your boss that they screwed up?

30. Do you leave your city with your network of family and friends for a job?

31. What would you do if you won the $50,000,000.00 lottery. (I actually do this with my hubby all the time. I would pretty much change nothing, other than I’d buy a house in The South of France YES, give my family money, and invest the rest).

32. On the fence about what to do with your life when your kids are grown and in school.

33. To online date or not.

34. What to buy your partner for their birthday — this for sure is a full blog post right?

35. And finally, I was told last year to blog about “Should a married woman own a vibrator or not?”

Alrighty then! Here was the list of eclectic Women On The Fence topics you demanded more info on.

Tell us, which one was your favorite? And what do YOU sit on the fence about? It could be the next Blog post!

xoxEDxox

21 Comments
  1. This is fun! I’ve told my boss they screwed up and then got fired 11 years ago. I’ve tried online dating and it’s a disaster. If I won the lottery I’d travel around the world and have a ball. I’m all for abortion and a woman’s right to choose. And I think you should leave a safe job to chase your dreams. Interesting topics. 🙂

  2. The green light fuck? That’s funny. My husband and I play that game but we sort of call it our list of people we are allowed to sleep with if the opportunity presented itself. Hello David Beckham. Bring it on!

  3. So here is a male’s perceptive – not that it is representative of all men.

    1. To Cheat or not to cheat – I think most men think about sex all the time. Sometimes it specifics about your wife and sometimes its fantasizing about other women. So let’s start with this – its not about love, it about sex. really…. sex with someone new and the type of sex you could never have with your wife. Deviant – not suitable for the mother of your children. Crossing the line is unacceptable. Not crossing creates internal conflict. HELP!

    2. What’s mainstream now? What makes up a healthy sex life. I’m not talking frequency, I’m talking variety. Our generation has gotten over the AIDS, no sex with anyone epidemic of the 80’s and it’s looking a lot more like the sexual revolution of the late 60’s. Seems to me – even by moderately conservative standards that ‘semi-deviant’ activities are now mainstream. I’m talking about anal, threesomes, swinging and bondage. Is it fair to think some of this is part of the regular, healthy sex life between a committed/married couple?

    3. Married women and vibrators – In my opinion ridiculous. If the objective is a fulfilling sex life then of course it part of the game. Either for masturbation for use with your partner. Part of the fun and games.

    3. Time – Time seems to pass so quickly. Trying to make it count – especially as a Dad who works in a very competitive and time consuming environment. Lots of time traveling. Sometimes fantasize about being the stay at home dad. Being given the opportunity to be more present. To be there for more of the special moments. To suck the life out of every minute and make them count. It all passes so quickly.

    4. Choices – The rat race – To run or not to run. North American culture is extremely career oriented. People seek money, fame and power. Success is mostly measured by the size of your bank account. Not true in many other cultures. Often think, with how short life is (very cliche, but accentuated since I’ve had children) that it might be better to move overseas, to move the lens away from capitalist goals and to live life more deliberately. Sounds easy. But I’ve got family and roots in a community. It’s not too late, just not sure it’s realistic. Anyone else feel like chasing the American Dream is a race to nowhere special?

    5. The Affair – So here’s the thing – I think the action is less important then the reason. An affair is a symptom. If a couple wants to stay together – once they get over the emotional hurdle of the action – then the focus is on WHY? Why did this happen? What’s lacking in our relationship that cause you to stray? What’s lacking? I think thats the core.

    6. Grooming – From a man’s standpoint I think variety (again) is key – Brazillian, Landing – it’s all good. Change it up. But here’s the question… what about men? what do women like? a little grooming, completely groomed or untouched. whats the preference? is there one?

    @GeorgiaK – I think its awesome – you know what you want and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Live your life. Fuck’em if they pass judgement. Better to make that choice then regret the decision of having children. We each choose our own path – if it works for you (and you’re not hurting anyone) then its right.

    @Anon – Yes, tell your husband. You have to separate (both of you) from family of origin. Cut the umbilical cord once and for all. Once you live under the same roof, I think its a necessity. Open conversation leads to stronger relationships. If you don’t deal with it in a calm and collected manner – it’ll surface explosively on its own…

  4. Love this list! Especially love the t-shirt “I hate your kids”! LOL

    About vibrators, hell yes, all women – married or not – need vibrators. Hassle-free form of relaxation.

    Good post!

  5. Feeling a little naive here {and I’m too old for that} but what the heck is The “Telly Savalas”s in #1?

    I agree with others ~ yes to the vibrator, single or not.

    And like the proposed idea on whether to tell your husband you hate his parents.

    BTW, love the image you used for … well actually loved all the images you used!

    Great post!

  6. As I sat reading through your list I found I had to comment on each of the 35 from my point of view. I am a 56 year old mother of 4 son’s and 19 grandchildren. I’ve been married 2 times, still in my second marriage. I had a few … ehem..affairs with single men prior to my second marriage so I’m not an old prude (at least I don’t think I am). So here are my comments for each “On The Fence” topic for the past year. Since I am a new follower these were all new subjects for me!

    1. Vaginal coiffing: Full, trimmed, landing strip, Brazilian, The “Telly Savalas”

    I HATE having hair there. I want a Telly Savalas so bad. I won’t do the Brazilian because I’m allergic. I did waxing on my face for the fuzzies..I swelled so bad and looked like I had 3rd degree burns so that’s out of the question. Guess I have to continue to shave. Its so much more comfortable not having hair there..at least for me. And sex is so much greater!

    2. When I get married, whose last name do I use… mine or my husband’s?

    I chose my husband’s since it was a much nicer and easier name to pronounce than my maiden name which is Polish. My choice of course.

    3. How much parental involvement should there be with kids’ homework?

    The only involvement I would give to my kids was to give them the research tools necessary to find the right answers. If it was spelling words I would quiz them. I think involvement is crucial when they are younger. Teach them organizational skills and discipline so that they automatically get their work done before thinking about outside activities or video games/tv.

    4. Do you make your guests take their shoes off when they come over? Hell no!

    5. Do you tell your best friend her husband is cheating?

    I think it depends on the person. My best friend Bonnie would believe me and not get angry. Its a hard thing to do but yes they need to know.

    6. Do you tell your partner if YOU cheated?

    I’ve never cheated so I can’t answer this. I can’t imagine doing this to someone I profess to love. I also have too much integrity. If I’m that unhappy I would end the marriage or relationship first.

    7. To spank your kids or not…. YIKES.

    Well…I didn’t spank. However, my son, as a teenager cursed at me so I did slap his mouth once and felt guilty as hell afterward.

    8. How many extracurricular activities are too much for kids? Depends on their age and the child but sports are a great outlet for kids. As long as they can keep up with school work, get enough rest and are not stressed out. Its really up to each individuals capability.

    9. What perks do you give up in a slow economy?

    Unfortunately vacations and time off at this point.

    10. Do you tell your best friend her child is a total nightmare?

    Oh this one is so hard. I am not sure if you come out and say it. I saw my daughter in law struggle with this problem. She never actually said it to her but it was certainly known to that person the most of us thought her son was an unruly brat. And he is! Her other child wasn’t though.

    11. When do you tell your husband you’re upset, and when do you let it slide under the rug?

    If I’m upset believe me my husband knows it 😀 Nothing gets slid under a rug. Its all out there baby!

    12. “I’m on the fence about having a threesome– my husband keeps pressuring me.” Hmmm lady, doesn’t sound like you’re really on the fence. Say no!

    So funny..we have been asked 3 different times in our over 30 years together to “swing”. I cannot even imagine doing this. It makes me sick to my stomach. In fact, a customer suggested 3 weeks ago that my husband and I should have a threesome with him. He said this when my husband was outside the office. I looked at him and said “why the hell would I want to do that? I don’t share well buddy..with anyone!” I told my husband and he cracked up. We both want to know if there is some invisible word on our forehead that only swingers can see??

    13. To Botox or not to Botox.

    That stuff looks scary. Who wants a constant look of surprise on their face?? Not me! I’ll take the wrinkles God intended!

    14. On the fence about intermarriage– one woman could not decide if she should marry out of her faith.

    I know many wonderful couples of Jewish/Catholic or Jewish/Christian that have raised their children with both faiths very successfully.

    15. On the fence about abortion.

    No one’s business. Its a personal choice that is between the woman and God.

    16. Do you leave a “safe paying” job to chase your dreams?

    It is very hard to do but you only go around once..DO IT! If that is your passion then it will be a success.

    17. How do you know when to keep fighting or when to surrender if you have been diagnosed with a serious illness.

    If I were diagnosed with stage 4 cancer I would not go for the chemo/radiation. I would spend the rest of my quality time doing what makes me happy. Chemo may give you a few months..but at what quality of life?

    18. On the fence about what to make for dinner. HELLO!

    Call the local pizza delivery and call it a day!

    19. Who would be your GREEN LIGHT FUCK? Yes… one woman’s husband told her to compile a list of 5 people that he would grant her the GREEN LIGHT if she had the opportunity to be with. Those were her three words. Sounds to me like HE was lookin’ for the green light!

    This is not even an option for us nor has it ever been discussed. Once you play out your fantasies then you have nothing to keep the libido going and there is no excitement. Keep your fantasies a fantasy and they last forever.

    20. Which diet to go on… The Zone, Low carb, Weight Watchers…

    Oh Lord..if I knew this answer I wouldn’t need to lose 100 pounds!

    21. Vaccinations – get ‘em or not?

    I seriously think if we have children that are now autistic because of vaccines then why are we still administering them? I think there are too many dirty little secrets about this and more needs to be done.

    22. Would you leave your husband if you found out he had a one-night-stand and not an ongoing affair?

    I would – yes. I don’t like betrayal and I won’t live with someone I can’t trust.

    23. Would you hire a gorgeous but qualified nanny?

    Yes

    24. Do you ask a new boyfriend about their sexual past?

    No, just their health records.

    25. If you found out your child murdered someone by accident, would you turn them in? Yes, during the Van Der Sloot case, two women told me I should Blog about that.

    I would have to. If I didn’t it would be like I condoned it.

    26. Which method of birth control– the pill, condoms, rhythm method, P & P (pull and pray) 😉

    Ha ha ha..well I had 4 pregnancies on the P & P so don’t try that one! Birth Control pills or shots

    27. How do you know when it’s time to leave your marriage? When do you throw in the towel?

    If you are not both 100 percent committed then its not going to work.

    28. To fake it or not to fake it. Yes, a woman wrote in asking if she should be faking orgasm to make her partner feel like he’s doin’ the job!

    No! Never fake it! Talk to him about what you like.

    29. Do you tell your boss that they screwed up?

    I do…feedback is a gift.

    30. Do you leave your city with your network of family and friends for a job?

    I did so yes

    31. What would you do if you won the $50,000,000.00 lottery. (I actually do this with my hubby all the time. I would pretty much change nothing, other than I’d buy a house in The South of France YES, give my family money, and invest the rest).

    I would take a deep breath, call a friend I know who is very wealthy and get advice and not do a thing for quite a while. I would definitely make my children and grandchildren’s lives better.

    32. On the fence about what to do with your life when your kids are grown and in school.

    Mine are all grown, married with children and lives. I moved back after living away for 14 years and find that they are so used to being without me that I am mostly invisible. Time to move back West and get my life back.

    33. To online date or not.

    Nothing wrong with it if you meet them in a public place and take your time getting to know them. Do not exchange personal addresses until you’ve established that they are not a criminal.

    34. What to buy your partner for their birthday — this for sure is a full blog post right?

    I’ve never had a difficult time buying a gift.

    35. And finally, I was told last year to blog about “Should a married woman own a vibrator or not?”

    Hell YES ..many types too! I recommend the rabbit =)

    OK there are my responses. I can’t say I’m on the fence about anything but if I think of a topic I will certainly let you know.

    Deb

      1. What a wise woman!

        #23 – No. I don’t need any problem in my marriage.

        #29 – I did, and I paid the price. My former bosses didn’t appreciate my feedback. Then my coworkers found out about it and nobody dare to be seen with me, eventually I got fed up and changed job.

  7. I missed one..

    Would you tell your husband you hate his parents…???

    I adored my father in law..I had many issues with my mother in law but they went away after about 15 years..(geesh I know!). I did not put my husband in the middle and make him uncomfortable because I had severe “you piss me off lady” issues with his Mom. I just dealt with it and called my Mom to bitch and cry about her. I’ll tell you one thing that used to tick me off and hurt me deeply. After my husband and I were married my mother in law continued to have my husband’s wedding picture to his EX-wife sitting on her night stand in her bedroom. You couldn’t miss it since it was in full view when you came in the front door and her bedroom was off the foyer. That is just one thing I had to deal with concerning my mother-in-law. I won’t bore you with the rest. My solution was to never let my husband know and vent to someone near and dear to me..my Mom in this case.

    You can’t ask your husband to choose..he has to choose himself. He saw what she was doing. Both he and his dad would hug me and tell me to just ignore her. As long as I knew that they knew..I could deal with her. Bitching to your husband will only pressure him. Pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. My Mom died 6 years ago..my husband’s mother is now 93 and so sweet you would never know its the same woman. She had a stroke and changed into this sweet loving woman..see God does reward us for tolerance.

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