Our Man On The Fence has chosen his topic, and is here to talk to us from a male perspective.
Here he is, our very own Guest Blogger, Man On The Fence.
Far too often, a man’s need for sex is not met. By this I mean, most married men, or men who are dating will willingly tell you, they’re not getting enough sex. Either their wife or girlfriend is too tired, has her period or simply doesn’t need sex as often as we males do. For the average man, sex is more of a physiological and basic need than a pure drive for sex.
The physical need to release is apparent in so many ways. Sex for a man releases tension, allows him to rid himself of pent-up stimulants that are aching to be gone out of his body. When a man can “get off,” the charged muscles in his whole body empty out and get ready to accept refilling, waiting in anticipation for the next time. It is easy to assume your partner only wants you for sex, but in fact it is a remedy necessary to allow for free and clear thinking. No joke.
The expression of “blue balls” is not simply a reference of being deprived of sex. It is the culmination of days, weeks or months of not being able achieve release and rid oneself of this suffocating and aching feeling. Ladies, how would you like this? Didn’t think so… we don’t enjoy it much either. 
A woman’s apathy towards the seriousness of this issue is troubling for me and many men. Far too often I hear friends who tell me their partner told them “I have five minutes, get it over with.” This attitude, this lack of compassion and understanding make for a very unfulfilling experience. I have heard of women doing their nails during sex! Just like you needs the cuddles and the stroking (in every sense of the word), we need it too. We don’t always want the “Wam bam thank you ma’m.” Because sex and “making love” are two entirely different things.
So probably the most important thing for women to take from this post is– sex is sex. It’s just that. Making love is an entirely different thing. It is vital and critical that the effort be made to share an environment where that sacred act can be completely enjoyed. Starving one’s mate of sex or love can wreak endless havoc on a relationship. It is immoral, it is unethical, particularly if you are seeking a monogamous relationship. Sex shouldn’t be used as a bonus system for good behavior, it should be used as a critical tool of success that is shared equally in a relationship. If your partner needs it more than you, hop on the saddle and make it happen! Only good things can come of this!
Timing is also everything. Great sex at night often leads to a relaxing and restful sleep. The AMs tends to be a well positioned time to limit sex or worse, rush it. If you do prefer AMs, as many women do, then wake up earlier! It’s a great way to start your day. And in the words of a great lady I know, “Besides drinking 8 glasses of water a day, there’s nothing as great for your skin as good sex!”
Lastly, for those of you who got married and sometimes feel as if you’re looking at a partner who looks like a different person now, try recreating that moment when you knew your partner was on fire aching to rip your panties off.
So what are you waiting for? Get off the fence and surprise your man (or woman) tonight!
Man On The Fence
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Ladies, what do you think about sex and marriage, and this “physiological” need to “get off?” Do you feel fulfilled sex-wise in your relationship?
xoxEDxox
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Tags: a man's view about sex, blue balls, fulfilling sex, how often do married couples have sex, how to get more sex, Marriage, men and women, men are from mars women are from venus, not getting enough sex, reaching orgasm, sex, sex and sexuality, sex as a physical need for men, sex from a male perspective, sexuality
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“I wonder what non-married and single men do to release tension? This man says that men don’t want women “just for sex” and in the same sentence – without saying anything about a man’s desire to be intimate with his girlfriend or wife – says that it is “a remedy necessary to allow for free and clear thinking.” Doesn’t that sound like a selfish perspective?”
Yes.
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Its the same old story! Men want one thing and women want something else! The way to both be fulfilled is to care and show love and interest the WHOLE time not just when sex is wanted!! If Im shown love, support and interest I’ll give sex when ever he makes me feel sexy and wanted! And making love? Well happy to do that anytime!! So its a simple receipe….just that some men only see their needs and not there partners! Too lazy, too tired, too bored to make the effort! And if he cant why the heck should we?
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Hi Erica, Found your site via another blog and have enjoyed the posts I’ve read so far. I must say, I thought it took some gall for a man to contact you and tell you that you needed a male perspective (i.e. his) on your website. I wonder if women do this on male written blogs?
Have read the “male perspective” posts and they are just that – one man’s perspective given with what I feel is a slightly preachy tone.
I wonder what non-married and single men do to release tension? This man says that men don’t want women “just for sex” and in the same sentence – without saying anything about a man’s desire to be intimate with his girlfriend or wife – says that it is “a remedy necessary to allow for free and clear thinking.” Doesn’t that sound like a selfish perspective? I’ll take him at his word “sex is just sex” and assume he means everyone should just have sex more often.
It would be nice to see a male perspective on non-cliche topics – like “how do men define intimacy in relationships” and I’m curious as to how men decide who to be with for long-term relationships. How do they feel about children and keeping house while working?
Women already have plenty of other women telling us not to blame our moods on our periods/PMS and women’s magazines/Oprah/everyone have exhorted married women not to deprive their husbands of sex.
Dear Hmmm,
I in fact was contacted to offer a male perspective on this site. You are correct there is a preachy tone here, dedicated to people just like yourself who need to be inspired to view this shared world in a different light.I have written several articles, which may be more helpful for your interpretation of what value an exercise like this represents. I would ask that you read the comments as well, maybe then you will get further clarity on the benefits of openess and understanding. As for sex, indeed there is a whole component of intimacy etc…but in general, sex plays a vital and critical role for both men and women ( especially those that are married! ). If you can start with that premise, often that is essential to keeping things good in a relationship. The simple act in anticipation, touching, commitment, intimacy, all are gifts that truly enhance the experience. Speak to older people who are actively engaged in sex and surely you will conclude sex a critical element to keep the things moving along.
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I am happy to say I never had the issue of not fullfilling my obligations to my wife. Moreover, I know of many contemporaries who’s wives love them, but simply don’t feel sex is neccesary to ensure a healthy relationship. With an attitude like LM, the vicious circle continues!!! You got it all wrong. Make the effort, help reduce the tension, understand it’s not obligation for reward, it’s a mutually satisfying pleasure. I think you should have more sex!!!
Man on the Fence: When it’s not “mutually satisfying” as you so clearly state above, why would we want it? There is a deeper cause to a spouse not wanting to have sex, it’s not always that they are tired, or they think once a week is enough. On another note, I never said that sex was not necessary to ensure a healthy relationship. On the contrary I think Sex is the number 2 thing for a healthy realtionship, and only slightly below the number 1 of communication.
Love the comments ladies! Keep ‘em coming!
What men need to start realizing is that most woman enjoy sex as much as they do. The reason your wife or girlfriend may not like it as often as you…she’s not being fulfilled during sex. Everyone is very quick to just turn around and say that their wife/gf is withholding, being a bitch, giving them blue balls, blah blah blah, but sit back for a minute and think about why on earth the person who chooses to be with you (chooses being the operative word) would not want to always be in bed with you (or the couch, or the table, we don’t judge!), it’s usually because she is not getting what she needs out of the romp in the sack. It’s a two way street boys, the sooner you realize that the more trips down the road you’ll get to make.
Just read this to my husband. We were just married in September, he said well we dont have that problem yet. Plus since he is a truck driver he is only home on weekends so we make the most of that time. LOL This blog post made us both laugh with complete understanding and humor. Great post.
Teresa and Don
I think they are more interested and excited for this.
Have more feeling then women.