A Man’s View About Sex

March 16, 2010 33 Comments TAGS: Marriage, Relationships, Sex & Sexuality, Sleep, Wellness

Our Man On The Fence has chosen his topic, and is here to talk to us from a male perspective.

Here he is, our very own Guest Blogger, Man On The Fence.

Far too often, a man’s need for sex is not met. By this I mean, most married men, or men who are dating will willingly tell you, they’re not getting enough sex. Either their wife or girlfriend is too tired, has her period or simply doesn’t need sex as often as we males do. For the average man, sex is more of a physiological and basic need than a pure drive for sex.


The physical need to release is apparent in so many ways. Sex for a man releases tension, allows him to rid himself of pent-up stimulants that are aching to be gone out of his body. When a man can “get off,” the charged muscles in his whole body empty out and get ready to accept refilling, waiting in anticipation for the next time. It is easy to assume your partner only wants you for sex, but in fact it is a remedy necessary to allow for free and clear thinking. No joke.

The expression of “blue balls” is not simply a reference of being deprived of sex. It is the culmination of days, weeks or months of not being able achieve release and rid oneself of this suffocating and aching feeling. Ladies, how would you like this? Didn’t think so…  we don’t enjoy it much either. :)


A woman’s apathy towards the seriousness of this issue is troubling for me and many men. Far too often I hear friends who tell me their partner told them “I have five minutes, get it over with.” This attitude, this lack of compassion and understanding make for a very unfulfilling experience. I have heard of women doing their nails during sex! Just like you needs the cuddles and the stroking (in every sense of the word), we need it too. We don’t always want the “Wam bam thank you ma’m.” Because sex and “making love” are two entirely different things.

So probably the most important thing for women to take from this post is– sex is sex. It’s just that.  Making love is an entirely different thing. It is vital and critical that the effort be made to share an environment where that sacred act can be completely enjoyed. Starving one’s mate of sex or love can wreak endless havoc on a relationship. It is immoral, it is unethical, particularly if you are seeking a monogamous relationship. Sex shouldn’t be used as a bonus system for good behavior, it should be used as a critical tool of success that is shared equally in a relationship. If your partner needs it more than you, hop on the saddle and make it happen! Only good things can come of this!


Timing is also everything. Great sex at night often leads to a relaxing and restful sleep. The AMs tends to be a well positioned time to limit sex or worse, rush it. If you do prefer AMs, as many women do, then wake up earlier! It’s a great way to start your day. And in the words of a great lady I know, “Besides drinking 8 glasses of water a day, there’s nothing as great for your skin as good sex!”

Lastly, for those of you who got married and sometimes feel as if you’re looking at a partner who looks like a different person now, try recreating that moment when you knew your partner was on fire aching to rip your panties off.

So what are you waiting for? Get off the fence and surprise your man (or woman) tonight!

Man On The Fence


Ladies, what do you think about sex and marriage, and this “physiological” need to “get off?” Do you feel fulfilled sex-wise in your relationship?



    1. grossedout says:

      I’m 23…engaged to the father of my kids. Sex at this point completely and totally grosses me out. I have zero desire to hop in the bed and bump uglies….especially with this man. He has no clue how to seduce me. We have no meaningful conversations. Technology and TV has replaced everything in our lives. He thinks sex is just given that my panties are just supposed to get wet on their own…. we have been together about 4 years. I left him after my first child was born due to the incredible lack of compassion he had for me. He fought with me daily keeping me from sleep over sex…. he tells me that I’m hurting him by not having sex with him….well he’s hurting me when we have sex and I really don’t want to. He has even said it’s wrong for a woman to not have sex because she doesn’t want to. Our last encounter really has messed my mind up because I started getting uncomfortable and told him it was hurting and he kept going when I finally got stern and told him to stop and pushed him off of me he said that it was messed up that he didn’t get his. At that point I felt dirty and violated by him….as if I haven’t felt that way for a while…. and now I don’t want to have sex with him at all….

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