The Dark Side of Friendship

There are tall ships
There are small ships
But the best ships
Are friendships…

Unless of course, when the friend takes her life frustrations out on you, dumps her baggage all over you, and acts aggressively towards you.

Yes, this Blog post is about the dark side of friendship. Reason being– you asked for it.

To be honest, I have not had too many toxic friendships over the years. I was never one of those bitchy girls either. I was raised to talk to everyone and I always had friends in many circles. I never liked cliques. But many of you have written in about the friends you’ve dropped, dumped and severed ties with.

One mom wrote in about her best friend’s daughter taunting  her own daughter and belittling her on Facebook. Ew! Another woman wrote in about her long time friend who was in a bad marriage, and out of jealousy, was gossiping and badmouthing her behind her back. Disgusting! These toxic friendships are unsupportive, draining, unrewarding and can be suffocating. Toxic friends stress you out and are generally one sided, whereby you don’t get back nearly half as much as you put in.

toxic friend

Does this sounds familiar?

Friendships are supposed to be nurturing. While in Florida, one afternoon when I was having a mini-breakdown for no serious reason, my girlfriend just looked at me and said quietly, “Bring me both your boys, and goodbye. Walk away, grab your beach chair, and go read your book.” This is nurturing.

So, how do you know if your friendship is toxic or dark? Well for starters, do you notice your mood taking a nosedive after you speak to or spend time with a particular friend? Do you find yourself avoiding calls from a certain person when their number appears on your call display? These are a few signs.

ignoring a phone call

Perhaps you are on the fence about what to do with that toxic friend… to dump ’em or keep ’em. Whether you’ve been friends for many years and you’re done taking their crap, or they are a new friend that just sucks you dry, here are the six types of toxic friends that exist according to author Dr. Jan Yager, author of When Friendship Hurts, and what you can do about them.

  1. The Promise Breaker. This is pretty self explanatory– it’s the friend that constantly breaks their promises to you. This is the friend that promises to meet you at 9am for coffee, and 9 times out of 10, never shows. How you can help this friend, is by explaining to her the consequences of her actions. You have to speak up, and not keep your disappointments to yourself. Something like this, “If you weren’t in the mood to meet, perhaps you could have said something last night, instead of not showing up. Sorry, but this is rude and completely disrespectful.” Make her aware of how it feels to be constantly let down by her actions. And remember, to always reconfirm your plans RIGHT BEFORE your meeting time.
  2. The Double Crosser. This is the friend that betrays you. This is similar to what happened to one of my readers above– rumor spreading and malicious lies. The double crosser usually has his/her own emotional issues that probably need to be addressed. Perhaps they were betrayed themselves in their own lives. This is the friendship that may be too difficult to sustain, and you may want to end this friendship if it becomes too toxic.
  3. The Self Absorbed. Surely this is not the aggressive type of toxic friend, but the friend who does not take the time to listen to you, or care to see how you are doing, may be not be worth keeping.
  4. The Discloser. Let me give an example to help explain The Discloser. This is when your friend looks at you in the eye and says, “Of course it will stay between us. I won’t say a word,” and then runs to her phone, email, or mother, and spreads your wonderful secrets. This friend usually cannot help herself, despite the fact that she may care very deeply for you and your friendship. This friend usually has the reputation of “The gossip.” I have found personally, that this type of person is generally insecure, because they often have to be the person in-the-know. They like to say that they knew first, that they were privy to the secret, which really is just a trait of underlying insecurity.  One word of advice for any friendship:  if you want something to stay quiet, you should just keep it to yourself.
  5. The Competitor. Some competition usually exists in most friendships, and it’s not necessarily unhealthy. But too much starts to destroy the friendship. Part of being with someone you like, is that you can be yourself, and you don’t have to worry about impressing the other person. Friends who compete with their friends, usually compete in all areas of their lives– work, at home, at school, even in their community. You can always kindly remind your friend when they get into this competitive zone, “It’s not a competition. I was simply sharing with you something good that happened to me.” This type of friendship may become too toxic for you to wish to continue.
  6. The Fault-Finder. Nothing you say or do is ever good enough for this friend.   From a psych 101 perspective, this friend was probably raised with overly critical parents, and that trait transferred over. Being criticized during one’s formal years often lays the groundwork for an overly critical adult. This trait is hard to reverse, and your friend may not even be aware of it. Saying something like, “When you find fault in everything I say and do, it really hurts me. It makes me feel awful.” They may get defensive, but again, if you calmly explain that it’s hurtful and offensive, they may get the idea. Again if it becomes unbearable, sever ties.

Ladies, do you have friends that fall into these categories? Can you share some stories with our readers to help them understand their own friendships better?

xoxEDxox

31 Comments
  1. I’ve had this friend! I actually dropped the friendship, but I knew it was toxic while I was in it. And I could FEEL myself just feeling ‘blah’ after being with her. She put everything and everyone down, nothing was her fault, nothing was good enough, everyone was out to get her, if you disagreed with her – you’d hear back from several people awful things she would be telling people about me. On and on and on. One day I stodd up to her (I asked her why she lied to me about a small thing that happened) well! The you-know-what hit the fan, she screamed at me – demanded anything she had ever given me back (baby clothes, trinkets, that sort of thing) or she would call the police, her family and extended family had to IMMEDIATELY stop having anything to do with me, and on and on and on.
    Now – nearly 8 months later, she’s back!! Apologizing, taking the blame, all sorts. But as for me – I can’t be bothered, I’m too old for high school crap, and she hasn’t changed as far as I can tell.
    It would be nice to meet a NICE, decent friend, but in my experience … I don’t know if they exist! (At east where I live!)
    Great post 😀

  2. I am in the throngs of trying to extract myself from a life long friendship that has become toxic. My friends insecurities and projections and fault finding has come to an all time high. I am a survivor of a suicide attempt and had a very nasty bloody suicide in my husbands family in recent years. i was there for emotional and stress support for her mother, very very hard.
    Now my friend has 5 times told be she is suicidal and has expressed that her grandmother, the only person that loved her, her recently expired cat and now me posting a photo of her on the internet that she did not want posted…
    This has caused a post traumatic stress re-occurrence for me. My toxic friend is so self absorbed that she seems to have forgotten my past. I have pleaded with her husband and several mutual friends to have her evaluated for in treatment, to no avail.
    I have seem my counselor and I am trying to cope.
    It still hurts very much.. a twenty year friendship that is ending because my friend has spiraled downhill and is dragging everyone down with her and not really getting help.
    friendship should not hurt or be a game of tally marks or keeping points.
    Conditional friendship..
    no amount of apologizing will ever be enough.
    Now I am struggling to not feel responsible for what she chooses to do or not do.
    thank you for having a place to share.

  3. Bridgett, thank you for sharing your story. Indeed you have a full plate at the moment. I am glad you are back with your counselor for your own well-being. As far as responsibility, we can only be responsible for our own actions in life, and no one else’s. This is called personal responsibility. I hope your friend seeks help for her own health. And I have one thought… nothing lasts forever and never say never. You may need to sever ties now with your friend who is deeply hurting, but you may choose to reunite with her down the road. There are always options. Then again, you may choose to never go back for your own well being. This is your choice, and it doesn’t have to be made right away.

    Good luck and be well.

    Erica

  4. great article, coming from someone who can really relate, it is very hard to break away from a toxic friendship!
    I’ve been on the fence about it for a long time!

  5. I should have trusted my first Aquarian instincts abt my “friend” and her sis from work of 9 years. I always hated how material, money-oriented, and superficial they are, but I decided to take a chance and befriend them both. This was a bad decision on my part and I am paying the consequences now allowing myself to come to care for women who obviously only care abt themselves and for not trusting my initial instincts abt them in this regard. Also, I learned later, too late for me, that their mother is the extremely critical sort, which negative attribute they obviously have inherited. They are negatively hypercritical in every sense, even telling me such things as they wouldn’t be caught dead being seen with someone driving “an old car”. Also, to get along with the top dog Leo sister at work, I knew I had to be the flexible one, and let her lead and call the shots as much as possible, even knowing I had much more expertise and know-how and downright smarts and that her decisions were bad or wrong and lazy in several situations. I ultimatley wound up being so compliant I got walked on and disrespected by both in many ways, including taking me financially for thousands of dollars. The younger sister would call me begging for large sums of money, to assist her paying bills while recovering from cancer, and unbeknownst to either of them, I gave them my last dime to try to help as best as I could. It was abt 2 weeks later that the top dog Leo sister who was my primary “friend” from work dumped me after herself creating a fight where there should have been none and blaming me in process as being responsible because I had been supposedly too “demanding”. She refused to even discuss her decision to “dump” me as a friend and sent me a poison email to tell me instead. I felt so betrayed, especially because I knew they were the demanding ones and because I had just sacrificed financially for them and done many other favors thru the years and had tried to be there for them in many ways. On several other occasions before my friend last “dumped” me as a friend supposedly for being too “demanding” she had literally created other fights where there was absolutely no reason for one. For instance, on 2 prior occasions, she ended our friendship because I walked down a hall at the post office while there to mail a tax bill payment for HER at 11:45 p.m. with the deadline being midnight, and I wound up paying the postage too, and going in because she had rushed there in her auto in her pajamas while I had rushed there also but taken the time before leaving my house to throw jeans and a t shirt on. So she waited outside in her Jaguar while I walked down a hall in the post office after making sure to do everything I could to mail in her payment with dated postage. I was simply looking for IRS forms, it being the season. I still don’t understand how she could justify ending our friendship because she was angry I walked down a hall at a post office (apparently because she had to wait an additional few mintues???). Instead of thanks, I came out to verbal abuse and demeaning comments and told we were no longer friends and I was to stay away. She refused to listen to me say anything abt it. Some of the ugly unjustified disrespectful comments were: calling me “gay” (apparently for caring abt our friendship more than she); to stay away from her family (even though it was her sister who had been seeking me out for money, not me of them, and otherwise, I didn’t ever bother her family in any way); that I had been too demanding (she and her sister were the demanding ones, as witnessed by others; screaming at me in front of others at work (2 different people witnessed this unbeknowst to me and told me not to put up with it); and finally, after 9 years of supposed “friendship mostly catering to her needs and wants, that she didn’t want or need friends. As stated, actually, this was abt the 7th or 8th time she created a fight over absolutely nothing with me telling me she no longer wanted to be my friend and refusing to speak or communicate with me in any way.

    It was in fact often impossible to speak to her without incurring some kind of unexpected unwarranted fury. She was too quick to jump down my throat anticipating my thoughts or words which actually usually were opposite of what she was negatively thinking or expecting. I am often a tongue-in-cheek speaker and she never seemed to realize or understand this aspect of my sense of humor. She threw me out as a friend twice on such occasions misunderstanding my tongue-in-cheek way of speaking and not letting me finalize my thoughts.

    Also, both she and her sister would call me at all hours, at work during the day and at night asking me for favors and expecting me to drop whatever I was doing for them, which I always did. But when I would call, they would usually answer in an obviously belligerent tone. For example, the other Scorpio sister sold Mary Kay to try to make ends meet while recovering from cancer. I tried to buy from her to help her financially. One night I had to call back at least 4 times before I finally got her to take my order. She kept telling me to call back in 30 minutes, which I kept doing, as she instructed. On the 4th call, she finally took my order. If she didn’t want to take my order she should not have instructed me to keep calling back. Also, when my make-up order was ready to pick up a few days later, abt half an hour prior, she called me and asked me if I wouldn’t mind it if she left it outside her door for me to pick up and for me to just stick my check under the door, because she had decided at the last minute her son must have a haircut and had to take him for the same at the exact time I was scheduled to be there. This was on a day when the weather outside was at least 102 degrees and I felt the make-up would suffer in the heat but didn’t get angry or upset and just did as she wanted. But I was hurt and surpised at her behavior, especially after how she behaved when taking my order.making me call back so many times and then being noticeably ugly in her tone with me when she finally did take the order.

    I had never otherwise been burned in friendship so I only knew to trust in these “friend” sisters of 9 years, even though for quite a while I could see the top dog Leo sister (and to a lesser degree the poor Scorpio sister) were users and self-centered, and that the top dog Leo sister was a control freak, a never-ending faultfinding Judge, a promise breaker, as well as a competitor.

    I am no longer the upbeat person I was before getting to know them. I feel knowing them has aged me 20 years in the space of one. I feel I can never trust as I used to and further attemps at friendship with anyone are out of the question.

  6. my mother has nicknamed my top dog leo friend from my ex job as the “devil woman” because of what she has put me thru.

  7. I am currently realizing that I have been in a toxic relationship with my best friend. This is heartbreaking and Im not even sure where to begin. My best friend is an alcoholic and a former cutter. I have been through so many trials and tribulations with her that I have overlooked every time she has made fun of me or not been supportive of me. I feel guilty at the idea of ending our friendship because Im scared that she will have no one if she hits a low spot in her life. We have had so many good times during our friendship but I can honestly say, I wish I had never met her. This feeling in my heart hurts more than anything I can imagine. My sympathies go out to every person who has been dragged down by someone they love.

  8. I’ve got a double crosser/competitor roommate. Its a very unfortunate situation, that has recently affected me so much I’m thinking of moving out – I can’t financially afford to live alone, I can’t emotionally afford not to.

    She sees me as competition, and likely always has, although it hasn’t been so clear to me until recently. I went through a rough break up a year ago, and she seemed to be happy about my being single. Then when I started dating a very close friend, the support turned to an attack. She will ask me questions about my relationship, and then accuse me of rubbing my happiness in her face when she gets a response (I ignore these behaviors). She is rude and unfriendly to my present partner, despite the fact that she used to be nice to him. Its like his new role in my life has given her a reason to make him feel unwelcome in our home. Prior to him and I being a couple, she was very friendly when he was over hanging out, eating a meal, or just stopping by to say hello.

    I’ve been told that she says negative things behind my back, and when someone sticks up for me, she has run to the bathroom in tears – this has apparently happened more than once.
    She often comments on the things I’m wearing, and asks me where I purchased my clothes. She’ll comment if I’m dressed up by saying “you’re dressed up” but never compliment me (that’s fine, I don’t need compliments to feel good – its just an observation).
    She copies me a lot – I’ve noticed this for years. Again, its not something that really bothers me, but I do find it interesting.
    She disregards my requests for privacy and shares my personal stories with our mutual friends. This has happened more than once as well – it seems she is interested in sharing my stories with others. I don’t want to be a closed person to her, I want to be open, but I fear that my privacy is not respected. Also, because we live together, she has a privileged view of my personal life.

    She is lonely. She hasn’t had a strong partnership in a very long time. A recent possibility ended up ending poorly, and she is discouraged. I feel when I ask how she is feeling, she gets defensive and shuts down, I fear it seems like I am judging her, when in fact I just want to understand her and be a supportive person. I want her to love herself, and feel that she is a lovable person. I don’t think she really believes this.
    I have enough love and support right now to get through this situation. The purpose of my words today is that I want to brainstorm behaviors that I can emulate that will help her love herself more. I am happy. I am unhappy that my living situation is not ideal. I would like to be the person that helps her become more comfortable. I want her to not feel threatened by me. I don’t even care if I am not the person she turns to for comfort, I just want her soul to be at peace with itself.
    I would love to see her speak to a counselor, however I don’t think I can be the one to approach this. (recently a friend suggested counseling might be good for her, but we were stuck as to how to approach this issue with her, without insulting her). She is a very strong person, and tries very hard to have a tough exterior. I don’t want to insult her strength.

    If anyone reads this, and has any ideas on how I can better support my friend, I would really be open to some suggestions.

    Thanks.

  9. A week ago today I wrote a blog about a woman I considered my BFFL whom I have known since the mid-80’s. I never named her by name, never threw a hint whom I was talking about, I also know she doesn’t read my blogs. Her daughter evidently does and told my former friend. It’s ok, I actually wanted her to make me the bad gal. I don’t have to explain the loss to anyone, I live in FL she lives in MI. I admit without one iota of regret I needed her more than she needed me. I admit I have more drama in my life that I am willing to share. Any drama she has, she doesn’t share. You see she and her husband drink, a lot, and even if they have cut back, they did it without help which means they have not emotionally faced their drug of choice. They smoke, like chimneys and while I accept this is their choice now there are two things we cannot talk about. She certainly could not say to me when her husband fell down in the kitchen and she could not come to visit that he was shit-faced when it happened. She could never say to me that he fell asleep again with a lit cigarette and left a burn mark on the floor. I remember when he fell down the stairs carrying his infant daughter, I learned about it years later, and I know it was probably alcohol related. And could she say “he drove our daughter to work again and he was drunk!” No, but I saw him do it and I talked to their daughter about it. Her sisters came to me twice for help. The first time was in 1997, I said no. I wasn’t going to because I love her and it would destroy the friendship. The second time was about 18 mos ago, I did get involved and after that there was even less I could talk to her about because I had pissed her off. Oh we had the drinking talk, she clearly told me he had “cut back” and she had too. Do I believe it to be true now, no. I think it’s back to what it was. Yes, I did most of the talking-I could and I can talk about the drama in my life. I am not ashamed to do that. I know addicts isolate themselves. When her family came to me the last time it was about just that. They blamed it all on her husband (can’t blame the family member) and told me she won’t return calls, won’t do anything with anyone, won’t do anything without the husband, and if they would show up it was for a minimal amount of time. Hell I have dealt with that for years. When I met my friend we had a lot of fun, our lives were topsy-turvy but we had fun. Yes we drank and too much, but I was never so out of touch that I did the things she did. She actually was violent with me 3 times. The third time ended our relationship for a while. The first two I “forgave” – I know stupid of me. I got slapped across the face (she was drunk), I got hit with oven mitts leaving a mark, and about 4 years later she had moved to MI, I had moved to IL and my daughter got invited to a prom in OH. She drove in with one of her sisters. It wasn’t to be with us 100%. She took off with her old boyfriend and never would tell me if they did the deed for old times sake. Again, she can’t confide. I wasn’t crazy about her husband I wouldn’t have cared. At dinner before she went to meet him I was telling a story about something she did that was funny. That is exactly why she hit me in the past, I would just point out something in humor, she obviously did not like being teased. Anyway we are sitting at the Hilton Hotel restaurant and I am telling this story and she starts to viciously kick me under the table. I got up and I told her in front of her sister and God that she would never hit or kick me again and it’s safe to say we kind of cooled things after that. She rarely came to see me no matter where I lived, I went there. I know why now – it’s the disease and some strange thing she has about not being comfortable outside her home. I did not see her much for many years, I ended up in VA, then FL and I went through breast cancer without her. Eventually though in 1995 or 96 she did come through for me. I had to get out of a terrible marriage, was living in another country and I escaped to their house before moving back to Chicago. We got close again, I went there for Thanksgiving, I went there a year later for Christmas, I met my husband, she came to check him out. We went there – wedding date was set, she was matron of honor I had to get angry to get her to come to help me with plans. 4 hour drive. They came two more times, the wedding and one Christmas, we were the ones who went there and each time we did it was worse than the last. There were burned meals, there were fights late into the night, and then when I went for their daughter’s high school grad there was such a terrible fight on the front porch I called my husband like he could ride in from FL and bring me home. It was terrible going there. We had moved to Florida. This is when it really went downhill. And for me it is your #1 reason. Trust. I lost my trust. She would tell me she is coming down for a visit which would get me all happy and excited and then cancel. She finally did come down, gave me two nights and we had a great time. We cooked together like we love to do, we shopped, we had a ball. Next time she could “fit me in” was when her siblings and she came down with their step mom to put her dad’s ashes in the ocean he loved. Plans were made, and she was staying with me through Tuesday AM only suddenly those plans had to change and she needed to leave on Sunday for computer hook ups scheduled at work. I drove all the way over to pick her up from Tampa to Daytona, on a Friday only to take her to Orlando on Sunday to send her home. The trust was fragile by then BUT wait it gets better. In an email to me she writes that it was so nice to have two days off at home – computers arrived at work on Wed it was all bogus. A lie. The last time she was here was for their collective 50th BD’s and again here meant Cocoa Beach so if I wanted to see them it would be over there, so we went. I know, always by her rules, I see that now. The rules kept getting more and more rigid, and I just was on an endless roller coaster of disappointment with her. First she admitted she doesn’t read my emails, she may skim them but she doesn’t read them. Then phone calls were then relegated to rules too. Sunday mornings at 8AM and while she was talking she was always doing something. She could not give the gift of time. She would iron, make a week’s breakfast for her husband and when she did that something here sisters can’t stand would happen. We get his comments in the background. Sorry – that’s not giving a friendship the attention it deserves. Other phone calls were allowed if she was running between the two offices, or going to the bank. Or now and then on her way home, only as soon as she got where she was going “I am here now bye”. So yes it was all heading downhill. With that I would text her, after all she is not reading emails, she has rules about phone calls, so texting was the next platform for me. Only this did not work either. She did not answer. I realized about a month ago that I was not a friend, and sadly I am her only friend. She doesn’t know how to be a friend, and I made it easy for her to just stay even more isolated from having a genuine caring friend. My husband has known her for 12 years and he said she is cold, controlling and actually he called her nasty. She shows no remorse ever when breaking a date, or disappointing me. She blamed the break up on the fact she said something I did not like. While she did say something crappy it was made crappier with her nasty tone. She was nasty. She is nasty. And it’s over for good. WOW that felt good. If she was standing in front of me besides telling her she lost my trust, I would tell her she is the one who gave nothing back like friends should. She accused me in her goodbye email of how I would never ask her about her life. The problem is she created a life of secrecy and lies, and never opened up so when she said the pressure was off her now she is right, she no longer has to pretend that had to be a lot of pressure. She no longer has to act around me.

  10. I have extracted myself one year ago from a seriously toxic friendship. All I felt was relief and the chance to live my life again. But in the last year, as I move on and cultivate other friendships, she feels the need to place herself there too. Almost as if she wants them to have to choose between us. I just withdraw usually and move towards a different person. The world is relatively large, there are always more people to meet. She still continues to try to “invade” my friendships. She uses people like pawns. Some of these friends have discovered her more tiring sides and understand how I feel. I just want it to stop, its frustrating.

  11. This is nice and true blog… I have seen many moms network where moms leverage the knowledge of other moms who have been there and done that. Moms share their experience; ask for advice from fellow moms as well as to the expert.

  12. I found out how much of a back stabber my so called friend was about a month ago. Why is it that when people want something from you? They are nice and treating you so well, until they get what they want. With friends, you should be able to talk to them about anything and trust them.
    What is worse is, that i found out that she was bad mouthing me behind my back and then pretending to be my friend when when we got together. With friends like this, who needs enemies?

  13. sadly, I did not have to drop several friends in my life.

    Those that don’t buoy me up, I just can’t take on.

    Too mentally toxic.

    if I cant’ feel good around them, I just can’t be around them.

    they’d never see themselves the way I do, so why even try to explain to them

    I told them, ‘when I’m with you, i feel very depressed.”

    That’s all I owe them. I’ve tried explanations, which they defend, so what’s the purpose.

    We disagree.

    It’s my mental health that has to come first.

  14. I just ended a 20+ year friendship – well, I guess we mutually did. She has had longstanding issues with my husband (despite being the one who introduced us!). I always felt I was putting more effort in that I was getting back. She is very self-absorbed, passive-aggressive, controlling. Took me a long time to recognize it.

  15. I was “friends” with a girl who always seemed to have some negative, gossipy thing to say about others once their backs were turned – even people I knew she was close to, or good friends with. This should have been my first clue. We ended up also being co-workers and eventually dating twins. Her true colors came out when she saw that my creative talents were exceeding hers, and she began to literally bully me in public while both at work and in private. She would boyfriend hop, never hold down anything but part-time jobs, had terrible credit, and had literally never rented an apartment in her own name nor lived “on her own” like an adult. We’re very close in age, me being a few months older. But while I was attending college, being a responsible adult, and trying my best to support myself, she was the exact opposite. She was the stereotypical sociopath, turning out a sweet, innocent facade, while macerating people behind their backs. She literally moved into my now mother-in-law’s former home while she was out of the country on vacation – claiming that she’d earn her keep by doing housework and chores. Instead, she holed herself and my brother in law up in their basement room, rarely came out except to shower, got ready to go to the club, and mooch food. She turned into a completely self-absorbed, possessive monster who claimed that since she supposedly never used the communal dishes, she didn’t need to help wash them or do other chores in the house. She turned my now husband’s twin brother against him, and began making life so miserable us that it became so unbearable I almost broke off my engagement just to get away from HER. Of course, that’s what she wanted – me out of her and her boyfriend’s lives. It’s been seven years since I stopped talking to her, and she still accuses me of theft, ruining her life, and sabotage. She has even lied to everyone about graduating from community college, when in fact, she hasn’t. I verified it through Student Clearinghouse.com. This girl is ABSOLUTELY insane, and makes sure that her next boyfriend (one roughly every 6 months, to boot) never knows her previous beau. Convenient, eh? So, what happens is that she gets to play the innocent victim game all over again and has a new group of people to trash-talk about me to. My life has been essentially dismantled because she and I know the SAME core group of people and have the same hobbies, interests, and a similar lifestyle. I’ve since moved out of the country and I still find people online via Facebook who I literally do not know, who already have heard this girl’s rants about me, and therefore, are already jaded against me. To top it all off, my accounts have been hacked multiple times. She is literally the only “enemy” I have had since perhaps elementary school! I simply cannot win nor move on – it’s utterly unfair but in the end, she’s won, she knows it, and now in my mid-thirties, I have to essentially start all over again.

    1. Honey pardon my French but screw this loser user and the horse she road in on. I feel your pain as I inherited my toxic sister’s toxic best friend and am suffering much the same treatment that you have. Do you find it peculiar that all the nasty stuff she says about you is actually like a recital of her mentally ill resume`? Or as I point out to people do they really believe that all anyone and everyone she ever comes across wants to discuss is me? Not hardly! Not even by a long shot but she must. Damaging made up unbelievable totally apalling accusations that are so far fetched you wonder how anyone with a lick of good sense could not see through her hate spewing vitriol. This is what conclusion I have come to; I treated her with more friendship, respect, and courtesy than she ever deserved giving her chance after chance while she looked me in the face and told lie after lie all the while gossiping about me behind my back in the most damaging way. I by no means think that I did not make mistakes or handle every situation perfectly but I did try my best to be her friend. So when I lay my head on my pillow at night I can close my eyes every night knowing that I tried and tried to be the best kind of friend that I could be to her. Last but certainly not the least the people that believe her lies are people that do not matter to me and the people that matter to me will never believe her lies not even for a minute!

  16. Someone who frequently points out how lucky you are and in a pathetic way highlights their bad fortune is a toxic person. If you are made to feel guilty for things you have that your friend does not, that is unhealthy and not worth it.

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