By Man On The Fence
He’s back again! Giving us ladies a man’s view on how to connect to the opposite sex. What do you think?
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One of the reasons I have chosen to blog, particularly on Women On The Fence’s Blog, is because I often feel there is a total disconnect with women. I am not referring to myself here, as I feel sufficiently equipped with the fortitude and depth to relate well enough. In fact, I feel so convinced of my capacity to understand the other sex; I agree with women much of the time! I connect.
For many women throughout their lives, their male influences rarely present them an opportunity to understand the depth and complexity of male issues. I think there is a falsely pre-determined notion in society that leads women to believe certain myths; that men are the providers, that men are less involved in family life, men do the cheating, men are strong and insensitive, and men do not truly connect with their spouses. I am living proof that there is a side to men that most women have chosen to ignore or simply do not make the effort to understand. We connect, you just have to know how.
I have witnessed over the years how many women get far too wrapped up in countless meaningless events, which take away from the seriousness of their partnership. Sorry to sound cruel, but it’s true. Some women are so focused on uneventful happenings, that they simply ignore some of the major issues their husbands are facing daily. Whether it is the obligation to be a good lover, son, husband, father, business man, community man or to simply ensure we wake up with a smile on our face, we must do our best to keep our wives fed and happy, our children clothed and sheltered, and ourselves sane. I have done my best to provide all these things for my loved ones. I take my responsibilities very seriously.
And while I shared both my struggles and successes with my ex wife, there were countless things I simply couldn’t, or maybe wouldn’t convey. I chose to spare my family the real toll that the daily wear and tear was taking on me, and takes on all of us men. Many may feel this holding back is the improper way to be… that we are sheltering our loved ones from reality. I feel it is the burden I bear as a man, to allow everyone around me to get the best, spare them from the worst and absorb the remaining bits of anguish. For that sacrifice, we need a partner to re-balance our shared equity. We truly require warmth, compassion and most of all UNDERSTANDING. Even if you can’t fully appreciate the severity in which your man sees his own life, through his lens, it is important to try. That helps in each and every way.
Far too often men are thought of as “objective and un-emotional.” This is not true, and this incongruent thinking drives a further wedge in getting men and women to come together and understand one another. The lack of understanding between the sexes can lead to senseless aggravation and stupidity, even amongst the most committed and loving of partners. While many men can vouch for the motherly and tender manner in which their wives care for their children, most men get the tail end of those feelings, if any. Often there’s little left for us after our wives have cared for everyone around them. I understand it’s not intentional. And I understand the many struggles women face today, especially in these economic times. However, there is the middle ground, whereby the we hope for respect in many moments.
So if you feel it is within your capacity to tweak certain behaviors, small gestures can make a huge difference (I know it is two-sided and we must pull our weight too. I totally get this). But there are so many ways to connect to us; just doing some small and kind things, being patient, responsible and helpful. Just like you have dreaded days, your partner does too. Think of having to switch positions with him and take a moment to decide if that is something you would want to do and could easily do, without melting from the turmoil.
There will always be issues in a relationship that will tilt the scales in one of your favors. It’s a partnership and life happens. But by taking the time to learn and listen, even if you’ve been together for years, it will pay off handsomely. Most men are simply looking for a small bout of compassion. Many will settle for far less than they deserve. It is up to you to do your part, to put your feelings on the line, put the phone down, shut the rest of the world off for a sacred moment, to love and cherish your man.
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Wow, ladies, what do you think? I am on the fence. I sometimes don’t know how much to give to my man, until I feel my needs are not being met. What do you think about his perspective?
xoxEDxox
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Tags: couples, fatherhood, having it all, how to be understanding, how to connect to a man, husbands and wives, Marriage, men and women connect, men need understanding, sex
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At the risk of sounding old fashioned I will say that I think many of the issues that face families and marriages today are because women have either chosen to or had to leave their homes and enter the working world. I understand that with the economy the way it is many women don’t have a choice but to leave their babies in the hands of another while they scrape away a living. Regardless of the reason, evidence strongly shows the negative affects this has on children. Teen pregnancies, gang involvement and drug use skyrocket in single parent homes and when both parents are at work all day the numbers are even higher. I think that if people really grasped the value of having a stay at home mom they would find that there are things that can be given up in order for them to be able to do this. Things like buying second hand clothes, not getting a new car, having a smaller house or apartment. People like to worry about their child having the right clothes so that they can be “accepted” in school and be strong individuals. In reality, what will make that child a strong individual is learning that their value does not come from clothes or anything else material. I also think that nothing brings a married couple closer to each other than struggling together to provide a stable and secure home and life for their children. In the words of David O McKay, “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”
I think we should stop looking at just the current trend and economy and look deeper into how our creator had wired us. It s not about who is working and contributing but its what are we made of as – our psychological oreintation.
Man are made to provide and care, find a means to earn, support and provide. Today he cant meet these demands alone, man are lost
Woman is made to give love, care and nurture, today her roles are switched. Our wiring is still the same but the current is running all wrongly…hence all these divorces and heartbreaks
what if you are all the things you mentioned and you still get i love you yet not in love with you..gave the mral support..compassion..intimacy..bent over backwards…after 12 long ones and being the chameleon..what say my friend..
hello guys
I just want to say hi
You have really great taste on catch article titles, even when you are not interested in this topic you push to read it
[...] sometimes feel as if you’re looking at a partner who looks like a different person now, try recreating that moment when you knew your partner was on fire aching to rip your panties [...]
[...] Man On The Fence has chosen his topic, and is making his fourth guest [...]
He did mention ex wife hmmmmmmmm
[...] How To Connect To A Man, By A Man [...]
[...] How To Connect To A Man, By A Man [...]
Amazing. I love how you always speak from the heart.
I appreciate the insight of Man on the Fence. I am sure that he represents the feelings of many men, including my husband – who has said many times that I give all my love and attention to the kids and have nothing left over for him…well, guess what, Man on the Fence. In today’s world, many of us women are working women who contribute to the finances of the house in a very REAL and SIGNIFICANT way – and have real wear and tear from our days at work as well. There may be women who worry about frivolous things, as you mention – but a lot of us – including myself – are out in the workforce – struggling with complex issues and businesses – and yet , the majority of the household management still falls on the woman. While women are now working and contributing financially to the “partnership”, not a lot has changed on the home front. So, while I contribute at least 50% to the finances of my partnership, I am still responsible for the vast majority of the house management – including paying the bills, all food, clothes and laundry, shopping, meal preparation, driving the kids to school, organizing extra-curricular activities, homework, dealing with teachers, packing clothes, and all the myriad of things that I do – on top of my paying job. You talk about keeping your wives fed and happy and your kids clothed and sheltered? Please – in most houses – there wouldn’t be food to eat or clothing on the kids if the Mom didn’t buy it – with money she EARNED! Our generation of women is doing it all – working significant careers and then gearing up for the “second shift” at home. Yes, perhaps we should be a little more compassionate to our men – but our men should appreciate the many contributions that we make and help out (without being asked). Foreplay for me is when my man participates in the “second shift” at our home – before I lose my temper!!
You men should get off your blackberries and iphones and give us women a little TLC. Ha.
Hi man on the fence. Glad to see you’ve come back. While I agree men need compassion and understanding women do too. I know its hard to support a family and protect everyone but we women have to work too, run the house, take care of the kids, and wake up smiling too! You seem like a great guy but I’m not so convinced its all about understanding. We want our husbands to be understanding of us too. Its a 2way street. Happy holidays.