To Marry For Love Or Money…

November 12, 2009 10 Comments Marriage, Relationships, Sex & Sexuality

We’ve all seen ‘em in our communities. The girl who marries not for love, nor companionship, nor even looks for that matter. It’s the woman who marries for money. Hello, Anna Nicole Smith?

http://www.abovethelaw.com/images/entries/Anna%20Nicole%20Smith%20kissing%20J%20Howard%20Marshall%20kiss%20Anna%20Nicole%20Smith%20ANS%20J%20Howard%20Marshall%20Above%20the%20Law.jpg

Anna Nicole Smith & oil billionaire husband J. Howard Marshall

Now yes, you are correct, men do this as well. We all know that.

But if you would marry for money, my friends, you are not alone. A popular female survey yielded the astonishing result that one quarter of educated urban women, earning above a certain income, would marry for money.

Really? Am I being terribly naive?

People have been marrying for money since the beginning of time. And let’s not kid ourselves. Marrying a man who will take care of you financially and shower you with many luxurious comforts feels quite nice.

I was actually hoping this Blog post could be written by a Guest Blogger instead of myself. I thought it would be honest and true if it were told first person, but I couldn’t find anyone to admit they had married for money.

So, first, a cute story. My husband and I were out for dinner with another couple a few years ago, and the husband whispered to us, “You want to see the wealthiest man in the world? Look over there!” So naturally we looked over, expecting to see Bill Gates in for a visit, dining at one our fabulous Montreal restaurants. Nope. Instead, we saw this drop dead gorgeous woman, probably in her late twenties, long gorgeous legs, thick luscious hair to match those lips, and a cleavage that you just couldn’t ignore. Now, we expected her date to be an equally hot, Adonis-type male to match her. Nope again.  It was an 80-plus year old man, drooling at those breasts, and kissing her hand (that was sporting a humongous diamond ring by the way). Ew, I thought! Now I’m not saying that was the case, but imagine living with someone you had nothing in common with and weren’t really attracted to?

But before you so decide to judge these women for being shallow and gold-digging, how is marrying for money any different than marrying for looks or other things? I once had the biggest crush on and briefly dated the HOTTEST guy, who just so happened to have come from an uber wealthy family as well (we’re talking planes, trains and automobiles wealthy). I was way more attracted to his gorgeousness and beautiful face than his money, but whatever. Anyhow, this guy turned out to be a total schmuck. Arrogant, narcissistic, and more. OK, when I closed my eyes for the next 6 months, did I see his face in my head? Yes. But no amount of money, nor looks could get me past that personality.

So now, I would like to present a real case of marrying for money and perhaps put you on the fence for a moment. I know a girl who grew up without financial means. There was not an abundance of food or clothing, and resources were scarcely available for her and her family to share. When it came time to choose a mate, she chose “wisely” for herself. She didn’t choose for friendship. She didn’t even choose for looks. She chose for money, for security, and for a better life than she had experienced growing up. And she would admit, poverty haunted her, and she wanted away from that lifestyle, at any cost. Now of course,  a few kids later, and still married, it’s not like she married an eighty year, and someone completely dumb and uninteresting. But he is boring, and he is sort of like a dead fish. However, he gives her stability and even times friendship, and she is not going anywhere fast. So you could argue, her marrying for money was not about gold-digging, it was about survival.

I look at my parents today. Married 37 years. They truly have a remarkable marriage. Love, respect and a deep FRIENDSHIP. Granted, no one’s perfect all the time, and frankly, I’m not quite sure how much sex they still have (sorry, mom), but here is an example of marrying for love. In this case, it was my MOM who came from a well-off family. My dad grew up lacking many resources and worked hard juggling MBA school and a job to help his parents out financially. He had very little to offer my mom monetarily back then, but she fell head over heels in love. He wooed her with his personality, with his charm, with his goodness. And so, today, they no longer struggle, but she married my dad for every right reason in this world. And she loves and respects him deeply still.

NOT mom and dad. ;)

NOT mom and dad. ;)

So, I ask you again, just as I did yesterday, about judgment. Do we have the right to judge someone who marries for money? Do we know what their motives were? Where are we so different if the opportunity presented itself?

Until next time,

xoxEDxox

    10 Comments

    1. […] taught me that growing up lacking many resources makes you stronger in the end and is not a bad thing. Fortunately, I didn’t learn that one […]

    2. [...] taught me that growing up lacking many resources makes you stronger in the end and is not a bad thing. Fortunately, I didn’t learn that one [...]

    3. Anonymous says:

      I think many people think marrying for money means you want a riches, but that’s not always true. Sometimes, like your one example, you just want a certain level of security, for you and your future children.

      I’ve never worried about my partner’s low salary before because I always thought we’d have time to progress in our careers before children entered the picture. However, I just turned 36 and time is running out for children and career progress. I feel like a jerk, but I have to admit, I’m beginning to think I should look for a more financially stable man or give up the idea of children altogether. Either way, I lose, but mothers are supposed to sacrifice for their kids, right?

      Weirdly enough, guys think about these things too. When I told my guy I’d like to have babies soon, he immediately apologized for not being able to be a better provider. Coincidentally, two days later, a handsome lawyer started flirting with me while I was doing errands. Since I felt like I had nothing to lose, I told him my exact situation. He was not phased remotely by the idea that I hinted I might ditch my long-term partner for him SOLELY on the idea that I wanted babies and knowing full well I didn’t have much real interest in him for himself. He still wanted a date!

    4. mike says:

      Let me say this I have money and don’t intend to share that fact until I meet the right women. Well let me tell you it is hard to meet the right women when they think you are not in control of “there” future. What has this country become. Where is the love that our grandparents shared for 60 plus years? There relationships lasted for better or for worst. And at the end they still loved like no other that have ever met. I might be unique in my thinking but someday I hope to find the love that will endure the hard time as well as the great times!

    5. [...] taught me that growing up lacking many resources makes you stronger in the end and is not a bad thing. Fortunately, I didn’t learn that one [...]

    6. You damn skippy I would .. I married for love and it sucks, so why not marry for cash, atleast I could have things I want and be entertained. Marriage is hard either way you look at it – but it could be a little easier if you had money – perhaps one less thing to worry about. I do say this though and have dated men with $ but they turned out to be ugly, or total douche bags, so here I am married, poor but my hubby is nice .. Tough coin to toss.

    7. [...] taught me that growing up lacking many resources makes you stronger in the end and is not a bad thing. Fortunately, I didn’t learn that one [...]

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