Comments on: To Stay Or Not To Stay… For The Kids Sake http://womenonthefence.com/2009/10/23/to-stay-or-not-to-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake/ For all Women On the Fence in Life, in Love, at Work it's time to GET OFF THE FENCE and start living! Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:30:40 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: This FREE Report Will Show You This Miracle Formula So You Too Can Get Your Ex girlfriend or boyfriend Back! http://womenonthefence.com/2009/10/23/to-stay-or-not-to-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake/comment-page-1/#comment-12592 This FREE Report Will Show You This Miracle Formula So You Too Can Get Your Ex girlfriend or boyfriend Back! Thu, 08 Dec 2011 12:21:16 +0000 http://womenonthefence.com/blog/?p=823#comment-12592 <strong>This FREE Report Will Show You This Miracle Formula So You Too Can Get Your Ex girlfriend or boyfriend Back!...</strong> [...]To Stay Or Not To Stay... For The Kids Sake | WomenOnTheFence.com[...]... This FREE Report Will Show You This Miracle Formula So You Too Can Get Your Ex girlfriend or boyfriend Back!…

[...]To Stay Or Not To Stay… For The Kids Sake | WomenOnTheFence.com[...]…

]]> By: Anonymous http://womenonthefence.com/2009/10/23/to-stay-or-not-to-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake/comment-page-1/#comment-12389 Anonymous Wed, 30 Nov 2011 18:10:02 +0000 http://womenonthefence.com/blog/?p=823#comment-12389 You did what I've yet to have the courage to do...leave. One day, I believe I will when my son is older (he's only 2). I also stay because I don't truly know how my husband would react. My parents fought, not always be there were a few years when it more often. I know they love each other, but the fighting did impact me negatively. I can't recommend therapy enough for your children (and you). I have a master's degree in social work and know better than to stay where I am. Please, even if they are doing well now, be open to counseling. Let them have someone outside of the family be there to talk about it. They will heal with love and consistency. You did what I’ve yet to have the courage to do…leave. One day, I believe I will when my son is older (he’s only 2). I also stay because I don’t truly know how my husband would react.

My parents fought, not always be there were a few years when it more often. I know they love each other, but the fighting did impact me negatively.

I can’t recommend therapy enough for your children (and you). I have a master’s degree in social work and know better than to stay where I am. Please, even if they are doing well now, be open to counseling. Let them have someone outside of the family be there to talk about it.

They will heal with love and consistency.

]]> By: Anonymous http://womenonthefence.com/2009/10/23/to-stay-or-not-to-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake/comment-page-1/#comment-12388 Anonymous Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:58:13 +0000 http://womenonthefence.com/blog/?p=823#comment-12388 I married at 35 as well and chose poorly. we have an awesome child and he's a good father...just a not so great husband. He can verbally abusive and emotionally. I stay for my baby, but believe I will leave if things don't change when he is 4 or 5 (old enough to speak up). As the daughter of an alcoholic mother (not saying that you are at all...but you're worried), I beg you to seek help. Read the book "Perfect Daughters". It will give you insight into the future (for every daughter of an alcoholic I know). It truly srewed me up but I'm working through it! :) I wish you all the best!!! I married at 35 as well and chose poorly. we have an awesome child and he’s a good father…just a not so great husband. He can verbally abusive and emotionally. I stay for my baby, but believe I will leave if things don’t change when he is 4 or 5 (old enough to speak up).

As the daughter of an alcoholic mother (not saying that you are at all…but you’re worried), I beg you to seek help. Read the book “Perfect Daughters”. It will give you insight into the future (for every daughter of an alcoholic I know). It truly srewed me up but I’m working through it! :)

I wish you all the best!!!

]]> By: Anonymous http://womenonthefence.com/2009/10/23/to-stay-or-not-to-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake/comment-page-1/#comment-11260 Anonymous Thu, 03 Nov 2011 15:06:58 +0000 http://womenonthefence.com/blog/?p=823#comment-11260 I married in my mid thirties to a guy that met the minimum acceptable standard. He wasn't great but better than a lot out there. Why? Because I wanted to have kids. We had a short dating period, the first six months of which he couldn't decided whether he wanted me or his ex-girlfriend. After he finally chose me and I had him to myself, I broke up with him six months later after realizing he was not all that. I went a few more months with my 35th birthday quickly approaching. I talked to him several times on the phone and thought, maybe he isn't so bad after all. Besides, no one is perfect right? No matter who I chose (and the field was pretty narrow by this time) there would always be issues. So with this level of enthusiasm, I headed into marriage. I got pregnant four months before the wedding. Having my daughter was the highlight of my life. Living with my husband was the lowlight of my life. I spent the first year barely able to be in the same room with him. He belittled me in front of friends, attacked me personally whenever we argued and I found him to be physically unattractive (which didn't help our sex life). I was determined not to have an only child so I hung on. Not to mention, my little girl was all that really mattered and I felt life with her dad was better for her than being shuffled between the two of us. I had my second daughter and for a while things were better. I think between the two girls, I was busy enough that I didn't really have to pay much attention to my marriage. I started to have a couple glasses of wine at night before my husband got home. This helped me make it through but now I've started to drink enough that it worries me. That's pretty much where I am now. Loving life with my girls during the day and drinking in the evenings to separate myself from my situation. If only he would go on a never ending business trip......ahhhhh...one can dream. I married in my mid thirties to a guy that met the minimum acceptable standard. He wasn’t great but better than a lot out there. Why? Because I wanted to have kids. We had a short dating period, the first six months of which he couldn’t decided whether he wanted me or his ex-girlfriend. After he finally chose me and I had him to myself, I broke up with him six months later after realizing he was not all that. I went a few more months with my 35th birthday quickly approaching. I talked to him several times on the phone and thought, maybe he isn’t so bad after all. Besides, no one is perfect right? No matter who I chose (and the field was pretty narrow by this time) there would always be issues. So with this level of enthusiasm, I headed into marriage. I got pregnant four months before the wedding. Having my daughter was the highlight of my life. Living with my husband was the lowlight of my life. I spent the first year barely able to be in the same room with him. He belittled me in front of friends, attacked me personally whenever we argued and I found him to be physically unattractive (which didn’t help our sex life). I was determined not to have an only child so I hung on. Not to mention, my little girl was all that really mattered and I felt life with her dad was better for her than being shuffled between the two of us. I had my second daughter and for a while things were better. I think between the two girls, I was busy enough that I didn’t really have to pay much attention to my marriage. I started to have a couple glasses of wine at night before my husband got home. This helped me make it through but now I’ve started to drink enough that it worries me. That’s pretty much where I am now. Loving life with my girls during the day and drinking in the evenings to separate myself from my situation. If only he would go on a never ending business trip……ahhhhh…one can dream.

]]> By: DK http://womenonthefence.com/2009/10/23/to-stay-or-not-to-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake/comment-page-1/#comment-10166 DK Mon, 26 Sep 2011 23:52:23 +0000 http://womenonthefence.com/blog/?p=823#comment-10166 Me a 50 year old dad i have 2 beautiful girls and love them with all my hart. but the ex wife i can do away with uts been 12 long years trying to make her happy. we were only married for 6 months and her freind talked her into getting devorced. alittle back ground i am old fashion in my beleives but i was raised in california so i do have a liberal side but i dont have the best qualities when picking women. i must of been lead head thinking; after a couple of days she wound up in jail for shoplifting so i split but the little head did my thinking. i have been with her for 12 years the last because of my girls. to cut it short i went through the step dad thing, her 2 older girls treated me like crap and still do, i went through the court and bail out with her, the domestic violence, to this day i have never hit her but she has hit me many of time. Dont get me wrong there has been a few shinning moment but not many. she has always been on welfare and is on ssi. myself i just finished 6 years of school getting my BS. I work hard and want the best for everyone but they dont care except for my girls which want to go to college. she does not have the basic ability to do their school work and does not understand it. i am in a miss i want her to leave but i want the kids so they have a chance and not the welfare life stile. dont get me wrong some good people have received the help and are doing good but the others depend on it as a cructh. sorry i had to vent i am a caring man thanks for your shoulder to lean on. Me a 50 year old dad i have 2 beautiful girls and love them with all my hart. but the ex wife i can do away with uts been 12 long years trying to make her happy. we were only married for 6 months and her freind talked her into getting devorced. alittle back ground i am old fashion in my beleives but i was raised in california so i do have a liberal side but i dont have the best qualities when picking women. i must of been lead head thinking; after a couple of days she wound up in jail for shoplifting so i split but the little head did my thinking. i have been with her for 12 years the last because of my girls. to cut it short i went through the step dad thing, her 2 older girls treated me like crap and still do, i went through the court and bail out with her, the domestic violence, to this day i have never hit her but she has hit me many of time. Dont get me wrong there has been a few shinning moment but not many. she has always been on welfare and is on ssi. myself i just finished 6 years of school getting my BS. I work hard and want the best for everyone but they dont care except for my girls which want to go to college. she does not have the basic ability to do their school work and does not understand it. i am in a miss i want her to leave but i want the kids so they have a chance and not the welfare life stile. dont get me wrong some good people have received the help and are doing good but the others depend on it as a cructh. sorry i had to vent i am a caring man thanks for your shoulder to lean on.

]]> By: Anonymous http://womenonthefence.com/2009/10/23/to-stay-or-not-to-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake/comment-page-1/#comment-8489 Anonymous Wed, 22 Jun 2011 18:29:15 +0000 http://womenonthefence.com/blog/?p=823#comment-8489 Very nice post. I'm in a similar situation to a few described above. I want to go away, leave and disappear. I cannot stand my wife anymore but I think I'm staying for my daughter. she is 3 yrs old. I also don't want to disappoint my family (father, mother etc) by leaving in such a fast way and destroy a family. In a way it is my mental escape, my solution to the problem. I know one day i will do it. Maybe when my daughter will be older and able to understand. Slowly the relation with my wife degenerated. she has a difficult character,she is very aggressive(basically only with me), and she gained a lot of weight. that doesn't help. sometimes i would like her to understand all this and i tell her about it(not the weight problem) but she seems not to want to understand. sometimes she behaves differently and she is nice but then when there is a slight problem or obstacle she becomes aggressive again. I have had enough. she was not like this when i met her. I m not saying i don't have any faults but her "strong" & aggressive character and her weight are the main problems and people around her know it. even her father once told me ." How patient you are with her....." .....imagine....... well i hope things can change and we can come back to the happiness when we met and before my daughter was born. After my daughter's birth things between me and my wife started going worse and worse. My daughter is my joy, she is such a beautiful and intelligence kid and i would love to talk about this with her but she is too young and i don't want to hurt her. I'm a bit lost and feel trapped but i ' m pretty expierenced with life, i lived in different countries and i'm already studying the perfect escape to a place they could only guess im there but not reach. even if it was successful for 1-2 days that would be freedom, from stupidity,from psychological aggression, from being fake, etc. Well, again i want to make it work with her and i would really like her to lose weight. isn't it possible that she doesn't understand?? Thanks a lot, feel free to post comments Very nice post. I’m in a similar situation to a few described above. I want to go away, leave and disappear. I cannot stand my wife anymore but I think I’m staying for my daughter. she is 3 yrs old. I also don’t want to disappoint my family (father, mother etc) by leaving in such a fast way and destroy a family. In a way it is my mental escape, my solution to the problem. I know one day i will do it. Maybe when my daughter will be older and able to understand. Slowly the relation with my wife degenerated. she has a difficult character,she is very aggressive(basically only with me), and she gained a lot of weight. that doesn’t help. sometimes i would like her to understand all this and i tell her about it(not the weight problem) but she seems not to want to understand. sometimes she behaves differently and she is nice but then when there is a slight problem or obstacle she becomes aggressive again. I have had enough. she was not like this when i met her. I m not saying i don’t have any faults but her “strong” & aggressive character and her weight are the main problems and people around her know it. even her father once told me .” How patient you are with her…..” …..imagine…….
well i hope things can change and we can come back to the happiness when we met and before my daughter was born. After my daughter’s birth things between me and my wife started going worse and worse. My daughter is my joy, she is such a beautiful and intelligence kid and i would love to talk about this with her but she is too young and i don’t want to hurt her. I’m a bit lost and feel trapped but i ‘ m pretty expierenced with life, i lived in different countries and i’m already studying the perfect escape to a place they could only guess im there but not reach. even if it was successful for 1-2 days that would be freedom, from stupidity,from psychological aggression, from being fake, etc.
Well, again i want to make it work with her and i would really like her to lose weight. isn’t it possible that she doesn’t understand??
Thanks a lot, feel free to post comments

]]> By: The State of Marriage and Divorce | WomenOnTheFence.com http://womenonthefence.com/2009/10/23/to-stay-or-not-to-stay-together-for-the-kids-sake/comment-page-1/#comment-8049 The State of Marriage and Divorce | WomenOnTheFence.com Fri, 20 May 2011 17:11:31 +0000 http://womenonthefence.com/blog/?p=823#comment-8049 [...] often, the modern excuse today for staying in an unhappy marriage is “for the sake of the kids. “ I am living proof, that that logic is absolutely absurd. I can attest to this fact from my [...] [...] often, the modern excuse today for staying in an unhappy marriage is “for the sake of the kids. “ I am living proof, that that logic is absolutely absurd. I can attest to this fact from my [...]

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