Ladies, I just had to address the subject of in laws for all my girlfriends in Montreal. The stories, the laughs, the tears, it’s all very… well… amusing. I can’t tell you how many of my friends love to vent about their in laws!
It sort of goes something like this… “My mother in law is planning my whole life, and I want to tell her to back off… My father in law gave my child a hamburger when I clearly told him we’re VEGETARIANS… My mother in law is suffocating me…” And the stories go on and on.
So, do you tell them how you REALLY feel, or do you suck it up to avoid an argument? It’s time to get off the fence and speak your ground, ladies! Sucking it up will only poison yourself and lead to resentment towards your husbands or boyfriends. There are ways to get your message across without playing mean, or hurting feelings.
Remember, your goal must be peace in the home. Peace between you and your mate. Letting the “in laws from hell” cause friction in your marriage isn’t worth it. You’re going to have to find the nice and politically correct way of telling your mother in law, that you just gave birth, your boobs are leaking milk everywhere, your moods are swinging around like a pendulum, and her coming every day, all day, HAS TO STOP!
A few things you need to establish immediately:
- You need to be teammates with your husband. United. He needs to make it clear that when his parents hurt you, offend you, or dismiss you, they are also hurting him. They DEFINITELY love him more than you, so if they see he’s upset, they’ll get the hint!
- Be kind. For all you know, your mother in law has been neglected or cheated on. She’s a human being too with feelings and trying to see her with frailties will make her seem less aggressive. Tell her how you feel about the annoying stuff she’s doing, but tell her nicely. Be honest, and be kind in how you tell her. But definitely tell her, otherwise, she’ll just keep doing the same bothersome things over and over.
- Treat your in laws as if you would a customer. Note…this is for the truly bad kind. I definitely don’t suggest this if you have great in laws, like me! Hee hee, it’s true! But seriously, if you treat them like you would a pesky customer, with respect, and let them have their say, things will go a lot smoother. Trust me.
- It never hurts to vent. If your husband is tired of hearing about his parents, find a chat room or a girlfriend to vent to. We are often a great sounding board to bounce ideas off of.
- And finally, laugh it off. It puts things into perspective. It’s only one aspect in your life, and sometimes, it’s actually quite funny!
And remember, they’re here to stay. You might as well make the best of them. And if they insult your cooking or tell you they doesn’t like the way you’re bringing up their grandchild, I say, give ’em big smile. Remember, you hold the power. They’ll only control you if you let them. Grab a hold of your power, women!
How have you dealt with your in laws? Any tips you can share with our readers? Let me finish by saying you don’t need to sign in with a name or email address… it can be an anonymous post. This way, the IL will never find out!
xoxEDxox
PS – I would like to conclude today’s entry by saying how utterly disgusted I am with the news coming out of Mackenzie Phillip’s 10-year affair with her father, musician John Phillips. I could vomit.
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Tags: Family, father in law, getting along, in laws, inlaws, Life, Marriage, montreal, mother in law, motherinlaw, Relationships, vent about mother in law, Women
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[...]The In-Laws Conversation | WomenOnTheFence.com[...]…
yes im suffering eberyday from a strong personality mother in law who is fake and puts on a show of oh I lover her muah muah muah to my husband but cuts me down when hes not around. And my children talk endearingly about her almost daily cause she spoils em rotten. I have no support from my side of the family they live far away. I hate it!!! It stresses me out. Its the biggest stresser ibn my life. But guess what everybody thinks she is just wonderful blah blah blah but they are not her daughter in law. Plus I have an illness that she diesnt understand im a stay at home mom by choice both my husbands and mine she is a career woman and I know she fights with that. Why vb in the world does this relationship have to be so dang hard.
[...] look he gave me was alarmingly similar to the one his mother gives me when she thinks I’m full of [...]
Excuse me. Sometimes there is simply no other solution than to tell the MIL to F–k off…..in HER mother tongue! Especially when the badgering and mental abuse has been ongoing. When 22 years of criticism, being the door mat, remaining tight lipped, and mental suffering yields to a life threatening illness, believe you me, the tongue wakes up and the correct words surface. Unconditional love helps, as does prayer, but from a distance. Believe me, I’ve been there!
[...] this awkward and sometimes helpless feeling? Do you merely sit comfortable smiling and let the entitled-feeling grandmother dictate our child being fed (when we know he’s not hungry) changed (when we know he’s not wet), [...]
[...] tonight, we get the break. I will undoubtedly eat quickly (and a lot… my mother-in-law always makes delicious food, and lots of it) and then me and hubby will skedaddle and do one of [...]
i think this is a patten that we as daughters in law suffer. I do get along well with my mother in law BUT the main problem is that she wants to dectate everything we do. What my baby eats, how i clean the house, what kind of helper should i get for my baby. i was surprised the other day when she told me, “go and take those clothes off, arent those for church? and i was like so furious and angry, i didnt even say a word and didnt even do as she said, i am a grown woman and even my mother doesnt bully me like that. i love really but she makes me very annoyed sometimes, she thinks she is always right, what ever she says goes, sorry not with me. i need to sit with her tell her how much i dislike how she dectates all my actions/without arguing or fighting about it. It really pisses me off, can you believe it that she even tells me how much oil should i use when i cook, she is not even close to being a good cook, i am far better. I am sorry about your situation but i think it can only get better or worse when you have set down and spoken about it. Please sit them down and speak about, its good for you, your husband should never allow anyone to treat that way, why should anyone think they have a right in controlling your accounts, hell no it is not on and the sooner you do something about it, the better. No one should take adavantage of you like that, you dont deserve it ok! all the best, i hope you sorted all your problems now.
[...] me well, know my hubby and I enjoy quite a healthy sex life (I don’t care if my mother or mother-in-law is reading. They’re all for it!). I think it’s both natural and necessary for the well [...]
Ihave delt with the mother(and father)-in-law problem for 6 years and now am seeking proffesional help for this situation-my in laws are wealthy,although they try to hide this-I did not know how wealthy when I married their son. When I got with my husband,I began working at what he said was his used car lot.When I met him the business was barely getting by,and then we started-and still do show a profit-sowe both know we make a great business team,and it is a great arrangement for 6 months outof the year, when the in laws go to their florida home-the other 7 months are pure hell-my husband gets angry when I decide I have to go because his mom and dad are too controlling-they even tried short selling our home without us knowing-my father in law posed as my husband on the phone and thru mail-she comesin daily as they keep their name on the carlot-I am sure to protect my husband-they control all of the account money we earn,and it is adaily battle over something-she has a couple of times accused me of steeling deposits,I am not allowed on any bank accounts,cannot view our money and she triesto throw my things away-help!!!!!!